It took me forty five extra minutes to get ready and I skipped breakfast. Well, I tried to skip it. Johnny came crashing my pity party with bananas and cereal. I tried to stay mad but it’s hard when he’s around.
“It’s time to go meet with the doc. We have twenty minutes before your family will be here and we should get in the room and get situated.”
“I get what you’re saying, but I don’t know how you are so calm right now.”
“It’s because this is not about me. Now pull yourself together. Time to roll out,” he kissed my forehead and patted my ass, the best combination. “I love you and you are going to do great.”
I didn’t answer because I wasn’t so sure. I just let him pull me to my demise. The ending I wasn’t ready for. The sweat staining the pits of my shirt was all the proof I needed. When we got to Doctor Greene’s office, I was glad to see no one was there yet besides the doc.
“Bradley, what are you doing here?” The doctor asked.
“I want him to be here. I asked him to come.” I interrupted not giving anyone anytime to speak. I went to my sofa with Johnny by my side. We shared the couch together. Doc had set up several extra chairs in the space so that everyone would have a place to sit.
“Are we taking off our shoes yet?”
“Not until I feel comfortable, and I’m not comfortable yet. I’m not sure if I will be today.”
“I understand.”
Right on cue was my parents. I went straight to them for hugs and they embraced me. They both seemed glad to be there. Little did they know I was about to make them wish they never showed up. They each found their seat after they greeted the doctor and Johnny.
As I sat there and waited for Moon I became more and more nervous. I fidgeted and bit off every one of my fingernails. At three minutes until noon I was about to give up on him showing when he walked in. He was the most perfect person I had ever seen. He looked the same as ever. He wore his loose fitting jeans and he had a button down collared shirt on, but I could see his usual white beater poking out underneath. He was still just as sexy, all the way down to his work boots.
I felt like we had been away on extended vacations and this was our homecoming. I couldn’t stop the tears that flowed out of my eyes. He stood there in the doorway not knowing what to do -obviously, and I couldn’t speak because of the tears. I was too choked up. Johnny stood up and walked over to him. Thank the Lord.
“Hey man, I’m Bradley. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” they shook hands.
I was ready. I stood up and walked over to him. His eyes never left my face. Those eyes that once frightened my soul were now the most beautiful things I had ever seen. He was hesitating to touch me although I could see in his eyes that he wanted too. I didn’t give him any more chances at hesitating. I nearly knocked him down.
“Oh Moon,” I cried out as I hugged him to me. I cried because I missed him and I kept thinking that this might be the last time that he holds me like this after today. “I’m sorry. I miss you.” I whispered into his chest hoping that he would hear me. When I chanced a glance at his face his eyes were glassed over with unshed tears.
“I love you,” he mouthed the words to me. I don’t know if there was a hidden meaning behind his words, but I know they were true.
“I love you too.” I said back and I meant every single word.
We took our seats. Moon sat in a chair next to my parents and I was still sitting with Johnny on the couch.
“I’m glad that every one of you came today to be with Shine. My name is Doctor Norman Greene and I am only here today for support as well. We will listen to what Shine has to say to us and if you don’t mind I’d like for you to let her finish her story before anyone interrupts. Please remember that this is very hard for her to tell, but she needs to get through this in order to complete her process of healing.” He looked at me, “You have the floor.”
The first thing I did before I began to speak is took my star necklace out from under my shirt so that it was in my sight. It was reassuring.
“I have a secret that I haven’t told any of you. It has haunted me since the moment it happened and it is what led me over the edge. I have lived with this by myself for too long and I need for you all to know. I have to say I am sorry first to all of you because I know that my issues have caused each of you pain and I never intended it to be that way. I just wanted the pain I was feeling to be taken away, but the deeper I tucked in the secret the deeper my wounds became and the harder it was to heal.” I stopped for just a second to catch my breath and wipe my eyes.