His hand touched my face and I gasped really loud. It was an instinct and it caused me to try and back away, but I didn’t get far because the bed was right behind me. His hand came back to my face, and somehow through it all my eyes remained closed. “Listen to my voice, Sunshine. I will not do anything to hurt you. My touch is meant to be soft and loving. Take a deep breath.” I did what he said and felt his hand move slowly down my cheek. I was allowing him more trust than I have ever allowed anyone. “I know how hard this is for you, but I’m not leaving your side. It is just you and me here, nobody else.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, when his other hand touched my cheek as well. Now my face was cradled in both his hands. They were so big that they nearly swallowed me up. His breath was so close and it felt warm as it blew across my face. He lightly tilted my head up and placed the softest kiss on my lips. It wasn’t demanding, it was sweet and I shuddered under his touch. My knees were shaking so hard I could feel them knocking. “Shine,” he spoke to my lips but I didn’t respond. Was he waiting for me to say stop, because I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I’m not sure I wanted him too either. Not now anyway. After having felt something so sweet I wished that this had been my real first time. My face was so warm and I couldn’t believe that he made me feel again. I felt it all the way to my toes and it was so amazing that I was overwhelmed with emotion. The tears rolled from under the lashes of my closed eyes.
“Shine, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to cry.”
I opened my eyes to see that his eyes were filled with emotion too. “I’m not crying for the reasons you think. I was scared, but that was amazing. I have never been kissed like that before. You, Bradley Jonathan James were my very first kiss or at least the first one I gave permission to anyway.”
His eyes were as big as saucers and I was sure that he understood my hidden message there. I couldn’t give him details but if I trusted him enough to touch me I at least owed him some kind of an explanation and that’s the best he’s getting. “You did so well with this. You didn’t pass out or have a panic attack. I’m so proud of you that I could kiss you again.”
“Okay,” I closed my eyes and tilted my head back up to him. He laughed and then kissed me again. This time it was a little different. The sweetness was still there, but there was so much more behind it. My mouth opened slightly and I could feel his tongue very gently brush against my bottom lip. The sensation between my legs could not go unnoticed. It was begging to be touched. My whole body was alive and the tingling sensations proved it. Without over thinking it, I pushed my tongue into his mouth and he didn’t back away. He kissed me back and it felt amazing. It sent shivers down my spine. He was an amazing kisser. I think. I didn’t really have anything to compare it with. When his body came in closer to mine, I felt his arousal pressed against the zipper of his jeans. I broke the kiss quickly and stood there trying to catch my breath.
“I thought you said that you were gay.” I was beginning to freak out a little.
“I am gay. What’s wrong with you?”
I couldn’t say it out loud so I just pointed at his pants.
“I’m sorry.” He adjusted himself. “It’s not what you think. I mean it is. My dick is hard, but I can’t help it. When I get aroused it happens, no matter who I’m with. My body responds to sex and I can get just as worked up as the next man. It doesn’t mean that I like you that way. My brain and my body are two different things. The kiss was hot, I’m not gonna lie. I could feel your body responding to me and it just happened. I’m sorry about this.” He pointed to his crotch. “I am not sorry about the kiss though. You were really starting to trust me. It was awesome to feel you let go like that. I only wanted you to know that you could be touched without being scared, and you can.”
“Thanks to you,” I smiled.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything except be your friend, and I will always be your friend. I love you Sunshine.”
“I love you too,” I nearly tackled him to the floor with the biggest bear hug I could give him.
“Goodnight,” he kissed my forehead before he left for his room.
“Goodnight.”
22
AND A HALF
Bradley aka “Johnny”
I could punch anything that walks into this damn room right now. I cannot believe that I didn’t put all the signs together before. Some psycho nut bag put his damn hands on that sweet and innocent girl and every time I think about it I just want to bash something.