“That she is, Baby.” Dad finally spoke. He hadn’t said a word since we left the hospital.
“I really wish you guys didn’t have to go yet.”
“We don’t want to go either, but we have to. The sooner we get out of here the sooner you will get better and come home.” Mom said softly as she wrapped me tightly in a hug. I had hoped she wouldn’t cry. “I forgot to tell you that I spoke with school and they have agreed to let you finish out the year through a home schooling program. You will be given assignments here for you to work on. I know that it’s not what you wanna hear, but I was certain that you would want to graduate and not go back to school for another year.”
“And you would be right, I don’t. Graduating sounds pretty nice and gives me something to work towards. Thank you.”
“I’m glad to hear you talk like that. Your welcome, now let’s get you unpacked.”
We kept our goodbyes short and sweet and they had promised that they would visit on Sunday. I let them go easily, and I was surprised. Being inside the bedroom wasn’t so bad. I could let them go from here, but what awaited me outside the door is what scared me. I knew that once I left the solitude of my room my anxiety would be back.
A lady named Ruby came by to check my stuff. She said hello, and she finally quit talking once she realized that I wasn’t going to talk back. She didn’t stay long and only snatched a few things. Once she left I realized it was the first time that I had been alone since the incident. I sat on the edge of the bed and left my feet on the floor. It was at that moment that the severity of what I had done finally hit me, like a ton of bricks. I was so stupid. With very few drugs in my system, I could actually think about things and I didn’t like it. The feeling of truth left a bitter taste in my mouth. I don’t want to feel. Feeling is what makes me freak out, and I’m not prepared. My heart rate started picking up and my breath was heavy in my chest. I could feel the attack starting to take over and the ringing in my ears was getting louder. The skin on my face felt like it was on fire and about to burn off. I shook my hands as fast as I could trying to regain control. I couldn’t shake it. I bolted off of the bed and straight out of the door. Someone caught me just as I barreled around the edge of the door frame. I was still having trouble catching my breath, and there was nothing to focus on except the pair of copper eyes staring back at me. His hands had a firm grip on my upper arms. He spoke but it took a long minute before I could understand what he was saying. Then it all started coming back into focus.
“Breathe… Just breathe… You are fine… You are not dying… Focus on my words, and take a deep breath… It will pass… You are looking better already. Just keep breathing.” His words were like butter. They melted on me, shielding me from danger. Have you ever met someone who you immediately had a connection with, but couldn’t understand why?
Once the tingling sensation wore off and I had regained my control, I noticed his hands still firmly placed on my arms. I immediately pulled away and stepped back. I blinked several times and looked down at the floor. My hand was still placed over my beating heart, but it was no longer erratic. Somehow, this stranger had effectively talked me out of my panic attack. I don’t know how or why or even who the hell he was. All I know is he helped me. “A man,” I whispered low. I was really talking to myself but he overheard.
“Yes. It would appear that I am a man. A pretty damn good lookin one too, I might add.”
A small smile started to form on my face. I didn’t want to show him though. He was very cute with his dark complexion and sandy brown hair, and when he smiled he had the cutest dimples a girl has ever saw. It was weird that I was checking him out. I had not done that or even wanted to since, well you know. Honestly, it’s super frightening doing it now with this mystery guy.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m really sorry.”
“I get it. You’re sorry. No big deal. I’m Bradley by the way,” he held out his hand for me to shake. “Bradley James.”
I couldn’t shake his hand. I took an involuntary step back. No matter how comfortable I felt around him, or how sweet he seemed to be, there was no way in hell I was going to touch him. I just couldn’t. I lightly shook my head no. I wasn’t prepared to explain and I hoped that he wouldn’t ask.
“Listen, it’s cool.” He didn’t seem bothered at all. “You seem like you have it all together now, so let’s go eat.”
He started to walk down the hall, and I just stood there. My feet were planted in place and my mouth was left hanging open. What just happened? Was he serious? There wasn’t any question of my sanity or the crazy ass episode that I just had. I couldn’t comprehend it. Not since the accident has anyone acted normal around me. Maybe the reason he doesn’t think I’m crazy is because he is crazy too. Obviously, he’s crazy. I mean he didn’t even bat an eyelash.