I nodded because well, what choice did I have. I’d have to go in, regardless if I had a full blown panic attack or not. Hopefully, the very small dose of medication that the hospital gave me will keep the panicking to a minimal. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. Composure was what I needed, but not what I had. Onward soldier, I chanted in my head.
I let momma lead the way inside, and dad followed closely behind us. We were greeted by an older lady named Gerry who knew exactly who I was before I spoke. Maybe I had that look about me. You know the one that says “look at me. I hate life so much that I tried to off myself.” Sometimes I feel like it would help to scream those words, but you know how I like attention.
“Hello Shine. My name is Gerry and I am the R.A. I’m not even sure what that stands for. To me, it’s just a fancy name for Den Momma around here.” She chuckled and the plumpness around her stomach shook up and down. “I stay here at the facility around the clock. This door here,” she pointed to the door behind her. “That’s where you can find me, most of the time. I am in charge around here, and I expect to be treated kindly. That is, if you wish to be treated that way back, and if you want to be fed.”
I just nodded in understanding. She had more of a grandmother look about her. She had short and curly dark hair with several pieces of gray weaved in. Her skin was as dark as night and smooth. She only showed wrinkles around her eyes. I’d guess that she was much younger than what she appeared, but her gray hair and clothes said otherwise.
“We are a co-ed facility, and we currently have about eighteen patients. At times we can have as many as forty. Let’s just hope we don’t ever see this place full.” She continued down the hall and talked the entire way. She seemed nice from what I could tell, but I can imagine that her bad side would be brutal. She pointed her finger towards what appeared to be a TV room and all I could think about was the two inches fingernails that were pointy like a witch and the coat of dark red polish that lay on them. Creepy! “We run a very tight ship around here and I will expect you to follow all of the rules that’ll be given. This is your room.” She opened the door and we entered slowly.
“This is nice, Shine. Isn’t it?” Mom asked as Dad sat the bag he had been carrying onto the bed.
Of course I was still yet to respond. I wasn’t sure what to think. The room was nice. It was small and plain, and that’s just how I like it. I knew that I would find a little peace in here as long as I could be alone, and the color was great. It was a pale green and the only thing on the wall was a dry erase board with magnets. It wasn’t too shabby.
“Here is a packet of rules and a list of everyday activities. It’s the same every day. There are three meals and the occasional snacks. You must attend meal time even if you don’t eat. There is a scheduled group session that takes place each day and you will be asked to participate at some point. You will also have a scheduled time where you meet with the doctor on a weekly basis. There is a lot to learn, but you’ll get the hang of things real quickly. Also, when it’s time for your medications, there is a nurse’s station at the end of the hallway to your right where you will be able to get them. She is also there if you feel sick and are in need of treatment. Don’t come to me. I don’t do well with the sickly types. That’s where my mothering stops.” She grinned at me. “As far as visitors go, they will only be able to visit on Sundays between twelve and six, unless it’s authorized by authority for another day or we have something special going on.”
“Okay,” I finally spoke, although it wasn’t much.
“I will leave you to get situated and if you need anything you just let me know. Also, before I forget. We have several members of staff here and you will get to know them all soon enough. One of them will be by in a minute to check your bags.”
“For what?” I asked.
“They have to check for weapons and things that can be used to harm yourself. They will confiscate your cell phone, any shoe strings, nail files, and any other materials or items that could be hazardous. As far as the cell phone goes, you will be permitted to use those during certain hours of the day. They stay locked up inside the main office until then.” She stood there silent for only a minute. “I believe I have told you everything. Do you have any questions before I go?”
“No.”
“Okay, supper will be at six o’clock. I will see you then.” She left on a whim.
“She seems really nice.”
I rolled my eyes. “She’s a talker.”