What is she doing? I watched as Shine opened the door to my Mustang. She must not realize that I am still awake. It looked like she was drunk the way that she was staggering around. Hell, I think she left something for me. I searched around my room for something to put on. I slid on a dirty shirt off my floor and a pair of sweats, along with my tennis shoes that I didn’t even bother tying. A constant thought in my head kept me wondering why she would leave something in my car. Surely she saw my bedroom light on.
When I opened the car door I saw the envelope lying there in the driver’s seat. I picked it up and opened it. I sat on the edge of the seat and opened it slowly.
Dear Moon,
I hope one day you will understand why I’m doing this. I have been a shitty friend for quite some time now and nothing that I can say will change that. I love you beyond words. You will always be my best friend, my very best friend in the whole world. I just can’t go on living this way. I’m sorry it has to end like this, and I am sorry that I blocked you from my life these past few months. Something so tragic happened in my life and I didn’t have the strength to overcome it. I used to picture my life and every moment with you in it. I am so sorry, Moon. There is no other way. I want you to know that nothing was your fault. My death will be solely on my shoulders alone. It’s because I’m weak and can’t take the pressure. It’s because all of this pain has filled up my chest so tight that I can’t breathe another minute.
I know that you will feel responsible and blame yourself, but I don’t want you to do that. It was me that pushed you away. Me!! Please forgive me, and live the life that you were meant to live. Love the one that you were meant to love. You will be much better off without me in it. Goodbye my moon!
All my love,
Shine
“FUCK!!!!!” I screamed and ran as fast as I could across the street to her house. Oh my God! What the hell is she thinking? I have to find her. Please don’t let me be too late. The front door was locked but I knew where the hide a key was. I fumbled with damn thing twice before I wiggled it open.
“Shine, are you here?” I ran as fast as I could up the stairs to her room. I held my breath when I opened her door, because I didn’t know what I would find. “Nothing,” I released the breath I was holding. No lights and no sounds anywhere in the house. I kept screaming. “Shine! Where are you?” She was nowhere in this house. I opened the door in the kitchen that led to the garage and her car was gone. I wrapped my hands around my hair and pulled it tightly. “WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?”
I ran back to my house and got my Mustang. My brain wasn’t even thinking. I pulled out of my driveway and headed towards town as fast as my car would take me. Think you idiot. Where the hell is she at? Maybe she was back in the school parking lot she seemed to stay there a lot. I went there first, but came up empty handed. The parking was vacant.
THINK! I slammed my hands on the steering wheel, nearly beating it off of the dash. I drove straight into town hoping I would see her car somewhere. What if I am too late? I screeched my brakes at the red light that I desperately didn’t want to stop at. Then I saw it. Her car was parked at the old drive-in just across the way. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. When I saw that the coast was clear I ran the red light and sped over to her. Her taillights were on so I knew that the car was still running. “SHIT!” My lights shined on the back of her car and I could see that something was stuffed up inside the pipes.
Never missing a beat, I jumped out of the car and ran over to hers. I didn’t know what to expect, and my heart was beating in my throat. I didn’t have time to think about it. I swung the door open and found her lifeless body in the seat. Shaking her hard and fast was the first thing I thought to do.
“Shine Baby, please wake up. Wake up, damn it Shine. Don’t do this! I need you.” My cell phone didn’t seem to work fast enough. I called 911 and prayed that they would get to her in time. They had to save my girl.
I wrapped her up in my arms as tight as I could. I never once felt a pulse, but that was okay. She was okay. I rocked her in the seat back and forth. Back and forth…
“God Shine, I am so sorry.” I cried. “Please don’t leave me. I love you. I love you so much.” I pushed the hair back from her face as I continued to rock her. The silver star necklace that I gave her dangled from her neck, and I shook my head and cried harder. This can’t be fucking happening right now. I kissed her face over and over. “You are fine, baby. You are just fine. I am right here and I love you.”