“I don’t know,” Mom spoke quickly.
“At least I will be going back to school. I’ll get to see all my friends.” I lied. Inwardly I was cringing at the thought. I wanted to spend forever sulking in my room, but since they won’t let me then this was the only thing I could give them. The year would be over before we knew it and I wouldn’t have to look at them ever again. Maybe I could even move away from this whole damn town, and leave all the bad memories here.
“Yes, I think seeing your friends would be a good thing. What do you think, Dear.” I looked at dad waiting for his answer. I put on my saddest face, but I knew I wouldn’t have to. I was daddy’s girl. He’d see things my way.
He winked at me. “Sounds really good kiddo, I think getting out of this house will do you some good.”
“Are you sure about quitting the squad though?” Mom asked. I held up my broken wrist. “Good point,” she said and I dodged that bullet.
“You know, Moon will be going back to school Monday too. He hasn’t been back since the funeral, but I took a pie over to Lisa yesterday and she said he was anxious to get back to school. I bet you could ride with him,” Mom suggested.
“No,” I nearly yelled, not meaning too. “I mean, I think I would rather drive myself. Since the accident I think I may feel safer if I drove myself, you know?”
“That’s fine, Honey. I’m sure that it will take you some time to get used to the idea. I bet that Moon will be glad to have you back. Lisa said that he has missed you something awful.” I stood up because well, I have heard about all I can stand to hear.
“I better go get a shower. I only have one more day before I have to go back to school.” I smiled, putting my best face forward. I don’t know how long I could put on the charade for them, but for now it would have to work.
And so it begins. Another day at school and I would rather scratch my eyeballs out of my head with a S.O.S pad, than be there. I got up extra early and put on the first ratty old thing I could find in my closet. The only thing familiar about me would be my boots. Moon got me a pair of brown cowboy boots two Christmas’s ago and I have hardly went a day without them. They are worn out and have lost most of their charm, but I still love’em. I slid them on under my jeans, and slid the t-shirt over my head. The shirt said, Welcome to Davis County, The Best Town Around. Corny I know, but everyone in this town owns one so I can only hope that someone else will be wearing one too. This way no one will pay any attention to me. I grabbed my phone off the charger and my car keys and headed for the car. I figured that if I could get out of the house without mom seeing me, I could avoid this morning Q&A. Which I can assure you would be torturous.
I tiptoed out of my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Everything still seemed pretty dark around the house. Dad already left for work I’m sure, and if I am lucky mom is still in bed. I grabbed a bottle of water and quietly exited out the back door. Once I got inside the car and started the engine, I knew that I had made a clean escape. I’d be an hour early too school, but it was worth it.
Being behind the wheel felt eerie, and I held the steering wheel with a death grip. I could feel the sweat building between my fingertips. I tried not to think about the wreck, but I was alone, in the car, driving, and I would be lying if I didn’t say I was scared shitless. I’m pretty sure that the entire ride to school was spent driving like a tractor on Sundays.
When I pulled into the school parking lot it was empty. I pulled my car up as close to the building as I could get, in hopes that if things became too hard it wouldn’t take too long to get away. You never know when you may need a clean getaway. Sitting there in my car I realized that I hadn’t really thought this whole thing through. I would have to see everyone, and pretend to be okay. My stomach was knotted up just thinking about it. I wondered what Melody and the rest of the girls on the squad would say. Hopefully, I could avoid all confrontations. Surely the cast on my arm would be enough to let them know I wasn’t coming back to cheer.
I turned the radio up louder and leaned my head against the steering wheel. Only thirty minutes before people would start to arrive and I already felt like I could panic. My breathing picked up and suddenly the car started to feel way too small. I opened the door quickly and nearly threw myself out of it trying to catch my breath. One pill just wouldn’t be enough for what I would have to face today. Frantically, I searched through my bag for the small brown bottle of pills. They made me feel like a zombie, but I couldn’t complain. Feeling anything at all is a plus. Lately I am only able to feel one of two ways. Either I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest and that I may die, or I feel like a zombie. I took one of the little white pills from the bottle and swallowed it quickly. It would only take about fifteen minutes and I would be good to go. The feeling couldn’t come soon enough.