Monster Prick(23)

“Fuuuuck,” Hudson growls behind me, pumping into me in deep, uneven thrusts as he comes right along with me.

All of my muscles are trembling as he carefully lifts me up, pulling me close to his chest. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t support my body weight right now; I’m thankful to be folded into his strong arms.

As fantastic as the sex is between us, I think the after-part is my favorite. This cozy peace. When he holds me tight and our hearts gallop together until finally our breathing slows. Sometimes we make small conversation, and sometimes we’re just quiet—in the moment together.

But tonight, as I lay here in his arms, a sinking feeling grows in the pit of my stomach.

I feel a lot more for him than I should, and now this is it. The end of the road for us. What was I thinking? Despite Melanie's warning, despite my own constant scolding, I hadn’t been protecting my heart. I only meant to give him my body, but somehow, he took all of me. And I don't know what I could have done to stop it.

Blinking back tears, I climb out of his bed and pad barefoot into the bathroom.

After splashing cool water onto my cheeks, I look up at my reflection. The apples of my cheeks are flushed and my hair’s a disaster. I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked. And that’s exactly it. I’m fucked. I’m falling in love with a man I can never have. A single tear slips from my eye and rolls slowly down my cheek as I stare in the mirror, like I'm watching someone else's heart break.

“Gracie?” Hudson calls from outside the door.

“Just a minute,” I say, relieved that my voice sounds calm. Wiping away the tears, I gulp down a deep lungful of air and unlock the door.

As I stride past him, he chuckles and grabs me around the waist. “Where do you think you’re going?”

I stop and spin to face him. He must see something in my expression, because all the humor in his face fades. “What’s wrong?”

My lower lip trembles. “Nothing. I need to go home, that’s all. I mean, we’re done, right? Three times. You took my virginity.”

A crease appears between his brows. “Hey, I didn’t take anything. We shared this. And it was fantastic.” He places his hands on my shoulders and gives them a squeeze. His pep talk reminds me of a coach preparing a down-and-out player to return to the big game. But this was never a game to me, and I can never go back. Not to his bed, not to the warm safety of his arms. I feel shattered and hollow. And so incredibly alone.

“Right. And now we’re done.” My voice is cold and emotionless. But it needs to be. I hadn’t been protecting myself before, but that changes starting now.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his tone softening as he watches me.

This whole situation is made all the more awkward by the fact that we’re both still naked. His soft cock hanging between us is a sad reminder that everything’s over now.

“I’m fine,” I say, crossing the room and stepping into my underwear as a stray tear escapes. Damn it. Trying not to let him see, I wipe it away with the back of my hand.

“You’re not fine.” He takes my hand and leads me back to his bed, which looks like a bomb went off in it. The blankets are scattered everywhere and the sheets are tangled. The pillows got kicked to the floor over an hour ago. We sit down on the end of the bed and I stare down at the floor between my feet. “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” he presses gently. “Do you regret this?”

I want to tell him no, but the truth is, part of me does. If I knew how absolutely miserable I’d feel after it ended, I don’t know if I would have agreed to this. When I registered on those dating sites, it wasn’t just to lose my virginity; it was to find someone I could date, maybe even see a future with. But Hudson isn’t that person. I should have kept that in mind from the beginning. “I’m not sure,” I start. “I mean, for you to be my first … it’s what I’d always wanted. But now that it’s over, it just kind of … sucks.”

He doesn’t say anything, but when I glance over at him, his jaw is set firm and I can see his pulse pumping in his neck. I have no idea what he’s thinking. Crap, I said way too much. I just admitted I've always wanted to fuck him. Great...now he's going to think I'm obsessed with him. Not that that's far from the truth.

I open my mouth to tell him never mind, I’m just going to go home. But instead I start rambling like I always do when I’m nervous. “When you suggested these three lessons, I was so happy, but now I’m feeling sad that it’s over, and I’m sorry because I know you don’t do relationships.”