My brother wasn't a bad person. He might be angry at first, but surely he'd understand eventually. I didn't ask to feel this way about Parker. I didn't want to imagine him as the person lying next to me when I couldn't sleep at three in the morning. I didn't want to consider that the arrogant shit I'd grown up with could be the person to give me butterflies with no more than a smile.
I didn't ask for it and I didn't plan it, but that didn't mean keeping it a secret was okay.
I picked up my phone and brought up our messages.
Me: I have to cancel.
God, that was harsh. I didn't even say hi. What was wrong with me?
Me: That came out harsher than I planned. I didn't mean it.
Me: I meant it. I have to cancel. But I didn't mean it in a mean way.
Me: Shit, this is a disaster.
I shook my head. "I made a clusterfuck of that."
"As opposed to your perfect handling of the situation as a whole."
"Shut up, Camille." My phone buzzed, drawing my attention back to it.
Parker: I know. I figured.
Parker: I'm in the parking lot. Can I come up?
I jumped up and ran to the window. His car was sitting in the back corner in one of the slots marked as 'staff,' but I couldn't actually see him.
Me: Come in through the back and Lani will let you in. The door's locked.
"Can you let Parker up?" I asked Lani.
She rolled her eyes, but her tiny smile gave her away. So did the fact she stood up and ran for the door.
Camille watched her go. The moment the door shut, she swung her head around to look at me so fast her hair whipped her in the face. "Don't you find it a little freaky he was in the parking lot when you texted him?"
Shaking my head, I said, "He probably knew I'd flake and, at the very least, need some persuasion. He's also kinda weird like that." My lips twitched.
Camille blinked at me. "You love him."
"I don't talk love at the dinner table." My heart thumped.
"You're not sitting at the dinner table."
I scrambled up and reseated myself at the table. "I am now."
"He's your person!" she hissed, following me and grabbing the chair opposite me.
"Dinner table!"
"I don't care! You're grinning like a fool. He's so your person."
I mimed zipping my lips right as Lani lead Parker into the room. The second I laid my eyes on him, my entire body went into some kind of freaky overdrive. He was perfection, from the comfortably fitting pale blue shirt that ended with rolled sleeves just below his elbows to the dark, ripped-at-the-knees jeans he was rocking so well.
It was unfair, the way he made my heart beat so fast. Life was a marathon, but he made me feel as though parts of it needed to be sprinted.
Like right now. I had the urge to walk across the room and fold myself into his arms. I'd only been there a few times, yet I knew how it would feel. I knew his chest made the perfect pillow, and his heartbeat was the perfect rhythm. I knew it felt like a safe place, like nothing could ever touch me there.
I didn't need a safe place, but I'd found one. And he was six-foot-three and deadly handsome.
He wasn't just my safe place-he was my happy place, too.
That thought was startling. He'd always been my own personal hell, so if I could feel this way about him after really not so long at all... Granted, we'd spent an awful lot of the past couple of weeks together because of work, but still.
"What are you talking about?" Lani asked, drawing my attention away from Parker. "And why are you sitting at the table now?"
"Some conversations can't be had at the dinner table." I folded my arms at sat back.
"In other words," Camille said, standing up, "She's avoiding my questions."
I grinned.
So, did Parker.
"I also know when I'm not wanted," she said, scooting toward the door.
"But not when to shut up," I pointed out, still grinning.
"You owe me a drink for that."
"You owe me about ten for the last fifteen minutes."
She paused in the doorway. "Let's call it quits. Have fun!" Then, she ran.
"I need a new friend," Lani muttered, going to the sofa to grab her purse before she followed Camille out. She hesitated right behind Parker, put her hand to the side of her face in a phone motion, and mouthed, "Call me!" before she disappeared just as quickly as Camille had.
With them gone and the sound of the lower door echoing through my apartment, Parker shut my front door and threw the bolt across to lock it. The silence was thick and uncomfortable, the awkwardness of unsaid words lingering heavily between us.