"I don't know if I'd be taking credit for that," I mumbled, thinking of my white-knuckled ride with him.
"What's that?"
I shook my head and looked around. "You have a lovely home. I hope we're not imposing."
"Not at all. I can't remember the last time we had company. It's just Jack and me in this big old place. Sarah moved back to Cape Town many years ago. They divorced when Lily was a few years old. I can't tell you how much I looked forward to having her over. I miss her dearly, and having a little one under our roof again makes me happy." She wiggled her finger at Scholastica, "We have lots of spare rooms. You can take your pick." She pointed me down the hall. "There's a linen closet on the left with bed sheets and extra towels. Help yourself."
"Thank you," I replied. "Would it be all right if I made a quick call? I need to let my friend know not to expect me tonight."
"Of course." Goma waved me in the direction of the living room.
There was an old-school rotary phone on the console. I dialed the number to Nima House and asked for Corinne.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"At Kaburi Estate."
"Where?"
"It's a coffee farm, run by Jack Warden and his grandmother. I couldn't get a hold of Gabriel. Bahati said Jack might be able to help."
"Jack Warden? The same Jack Warden who lost his daughter in the mall attack?"
"Jack lost his daughter in the mall attack?"
"Yes. That's him. I remember now. He was at the memorial for victims of Kilimani Mall."
"I didn't know." I sat down, realizing what Goma meant when she said we were bound by the events of a tragic afternoon. He had lost Lily, the same place, same time, as I had lost Mo.
"Yes. He got some kind of recognition award for saving an expectant mother and her son. Never got up to receive it. He just sat there, looking like he wasn't seeing or hearing any of it. His daughter's dance teacher received an award too, for getting the kids to safety. It's a shame his daughter wasn't one of them. How is he now?"
"Intimidating. Sad, angry, bitter. I think he might have a death wish. He was standing under a tree in the storm, by his daughter's grave, like he wanted to be struck down right next to her. He didn't want to hear anything I had to say about the kids or Wanza."
I stayed on the phone long enough to catch Corinne up on Scholastica.
"You won't be able to bring her back to the hostel with you," she said. "It's for volunteers only. They made an exception for you, because of what happened to Mo."
"I'll figure something out. Maybe Jack's grandmother can point me in the right direction." I said goodbye and hung up.
"If you think getting Goma involved will convince me to help, you're wrong."
I spun around to find Jack watching me from the doorway, sipping a bottle of Coca-Cola. The shower had brought the warmth back into his face, but his voice sent cold shivers up my spine.
"You've made it clear you're not interested, but if you think I'm giving up, you're the one who's wrong," I replied.
He regarded me across the room, eyes glowing with something inscrutable, not moving, not saying another word.
"I'm sorry about your daughter," I said, when the tension became too much to bear. "And about what I said earlier."
He nodded and stared into his bottle.
"I'm sorry about your sister," he said. "Bahati filled me in. Take my advice." He shifted and pinned me down with his gaze. "Pack up and go home. You're in way over your head. You have no idea what you're getting into."
I flared up. For some reason, Jack Warden got under my cool-as-a-cucumber skin. Every. Single. Time. "You know what? I am getting tired of you assuming you know what's best for me. You can't help me? Fine. But I didn't ask for your advice, and I sure as hell am not going to let it stop me."
"Tell me something." His voice was calm and unaffected. It irritated me. He irritated me. "Exactly how much did your sister tell you, about these kids that you want to get to Wanza?"
"I . . . she . . ." I cursed myself for not paying closer attention to all the things that Mo had chattered on about. "What does it matter? What exactly is it that you think I can't handle?"
Seconds ticked by before he answered. "You don't want to know. Trust me. Some things are better left in the dark, where they belong." Then he drained his bottle of Coca-Cola in a long chug and left the room.
THE PIERCING CALL of a rooster woke me the next morning. It crowed every ten minutes, telling me it was dawn, even though it felt like I had only just fallen asleep. I rolled out of bed, shivering in Goma's muumuu, and walked to the window.
There was just enough light to make out a figure in the fields. It was Jack, on a tractor, plowing through a bare patch of earth. I tried to imagine what it would feel like, grieving for someone in a place where things kept growing, where new life burst through the soil with bright, green shoots every day.
Where have you brought me, Mo? What are you showing me?
I made my way to the laundry room and found my clothes washed, ironed and ready to wear. I slid them on, savoring the warmth that was still folded into them.
"Oh good. You're up," said Goma, when I entered the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready. Be a dear and go get Bahati and Scholastica. They're in the library."
The house was a rambling structure, new rooms extending out of the original building over the years, nooks and crannies everywhere. It took me a while to track down Bahati and Scholastica, and when I did, I stopped dead in my tracks.
They were seated on the floor, across from each other-one of them tall, lean, and dark as night, the other soft and silver, like moonlight-watching the strangest sight: a tortoise with a yellow balloon tied around it, crossing the floor between them. They looked at me from the corner of their eyes, then back at the tortoise, and then at each other. The tortoise plodded along on round, stumpy feet, squinting at them-left, then right-like a crusty old man shaking his head in somber disapproval. We all started laughing at the same time. Scholastica's giggles filled the space, even after Bahati and I stopped to catch our breaths.
"Come on, you two. Breakfast is ready," I said, making eating motions for Scholastica. I headed for the door but stopped short for the second time that morning.
Jack was standing there, his eyes fixed on Scholastica. His boots were muddy, sleeves rolled up, one foot forward, but going nowhere, as if he'd been frozen by the sound of her laughter-a little girl in his daughter's dress, giggling over a tortoise and a balloon.
Scholastica clammed up as soon as she saw him, still wary of his reaction to her from the night before. She kept her head down as he strode into the room toward her. Seconds ticked by in uncomfortable silence as his shadow loomed over her. Then he said something to her in Swahili. She nodded and went back to staring at the tortoise. Jack reached into his pocket for something and popped the balloon.
BANG.
The tortoise snapped its head and limbs into its shell so fast, the air expelled out of its lungs in a long, hiss. It lay on the floor, vexed and disgruntled, with the balloon in tatters around it, like little yellow flags of surrender.
"And that's the fastest you'll see Aristurtle move," observed Jack, before repeating it in Swahili for Scholastica. He knelt beside the spooked tortoise and stroked his shell. "You okay, little fellow?"
Aristurtle poked his pebbled head out warily and looked at Jack with grizzled contempt.
Scholastica burst out laughing. She laughed so hard, she rolled over, holding on to her stomach. Jack sat back and watched her, his Adam's apple bobbing as if the sound of it was piercing his heart with the sweetest shrapnel. He rose and headed over to the corner where a bunch of other yellow balloons were bobbing and handed one to Scholastica. She took it and pointed to the turtle.
"No." He shook his head. "For you."
"Lord." Goma walked in and gave all of us the stink eye. "I send one to get the other and lose all of you. Everyone in the kitchen. Come along now."
She marched us to the table and filled our plates with food. "Coffee from our farm," she said, pouring Bahati and me a cup before sitting down.
"It's delicious," I said, after the first hot sip. "Thank you. And thanks for looking after my clothes this morning. I hope I'm half as active when I'm your age."
"It's the farm," Goma replied. "Clean air, hard work, fresh food."
Scholastica tied her balloon on the chair next to Jack, and sat down beside him. He buttered a piece of toast, slathered it with jam, and put it on her plate. He blinked when she thanked him, as if it was something he'd done out of habit, not realizing until after he was finished.
"I heard you saved an expectant mother and her child during the mall attack," I said, as Bahati and Goma conversed at the other end of the table. "That's incredible."
"Is it?"
I put my fork down and looked at him. "What's your problem? Every time I try to be nice, you throw it back in my face. Every time I think there's another side to you, you go back to being a jerk."