“Whoa.” Spencer shakes his head like there’s water in his ears, then he makes a time-out sign. “Back it up. I got in love and L.A. Start at the beginning.”
Whatever anger was brewing in him seems to have quieted down.
I don’t start at the beginning. I don’t share the nitty-gritty. But I give him the basic ingredients of my lucky-bastard life and first-world problems. “Look, here’s the truth. I’ve had feelings for her for a while now. I tried to deny them. I tried to ignore them. But the more time I spent with her, the tougher it became to fight it. I didn’t ask you at first because what was happening was about her and me. I’m not saying that makes it okay. I’m saying that’s how it went down, and I’m not sorry for how I feel. It all became clear when you were on your honeymoon. How much I care about her. And how much I’m in love with her. And the real rub in all this is now that I’ve told her, I can’t even be with her.”
He frowns. “Why?”
“They’re moving my show to L.A. Gino already gave my timeslot to someone else. If I want to keep doing the show, it’s California or it’s over.” I heave a sigh. “I don’t expect you to feel sorry for me. I don’t expect anyone to.” Dragging a hand through my hair, I drop my voice. “I just want the girl, and I can’t have her.”
Spencer sighs, too. “Man,” he says, sympathy in his tone. “It’s not even noon, and we need to break out the Scotch because there is nothing worse than falling in love.” He reaches for the hair dye and razor and drops them back in the bag.
“I get a reprieve?” I ask, with a quirk of my lips.
He nods.
“You’re not pissed?”
He levels me with his gaze. “Dude, I fell in love with my best friend and business partner. I get it. Love just fucking happens and clobbers you out of the blue. And you—you fell for my sister. I can’t fault you for that. I can’t be mad at you for having good taste. Besides, you’re suffering enough being in love without me being an ass.”
I laugh once. “Love is a bitch.”
“Don’t I know how rough it can be. Which is why it’s a damn good thing I can return these at Duane Reade.” His expression turns more serious. “But listen, I need to say something. You know why I was a dick before about not wanting you to be with Harper?”
“’Cause you think I’m not good enough for her?”
“Fuck no,” he scoffs. “You’re probably the only guy who actually deserves my sister, and my sister is awesome.”
I manage a small smile. “I know. She really is.”
“I told you all that because if you break her heart,” he says sharply, pointing a finger at me, “then I’d lose you as a friend. And I need you, Nick. But I’d still have to kill you for hurting her.”
“That’s kind of the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. In a weird way.”
“I know.”
“But Spencer? I don’t want to hurt Harper.” I look him in the eyes so he knows I’m as serious as he was. “And I don’t want to break her heart. I just want to love her. And you can totally mock me for saying that. But it’s true.”
He pushes back on the stool, stands up, and claps me on the back. “All right. I didn’t want it to have to get to this, but clearly we need to call for reinforcements.”
“Who’s that?”
He shoots me a look, as if the answer is obvious. “Charlotte. You think I can figure out how to get her back? I’m lucky I convinced Charlotte to marry me. You need the big guns for this one.”
Fido stares at me like he knows all my secrets while Charlotte listens to the tale of my unrequited love from her perch on the couch.
“Let me get this straight,” Charlotte says on a yawn. She’s jet-lagged from their trip but willing to tackle my pathetic excuse of a love life. Spencer is next to her. “She encouraged you to pursue the most amazing career opportunity you’ve ever had?”
“Yes.”
“And she is well aware that your show is the thing you love most.” Charlotte stares at me.
“It is?”
“Duh. Everyone knows that.”
“They do?”
Her eyebrow rises. “Nick, it’s not a bad thing. It’s a true thing. You love your work, you love cartooning, and you love The Adventures of Mister Orgasm. I’m sure Harper knows how much you love the show.”
“I guess.” I flash back to our post-mortem after Harper’s pseudo-date with Jason, when she asked what I was most afraid of. My answer? That it will all fall to pieces. The job, the show, the success. Then, after we took Serena to the hospital, and she asked me about kids down the road. My reply underscored once more that the show is my true love. I’ve been pretty focused on work, and my job, and the show. That’s what my life has been since I graduated college, and I love it.