I got up and ran my hand through my hair. “I need to leave.”
She hopped up from the bed. “I’m sorry. I got carried away. It’s been a long time. I thought you wanted it, figured that’s why you came here so late. So, I wanted to let you know that it would be okay…if you wanted to. But it’s fine.”
My voice was louder than I intended. “I do want to…God, I do. But you really need to be careful, Bianca. You don’t even really know me.”
She let out a bitter laugh, “You’re warning me against you?”
“No.”
Fuck yes, I am.
I continued, “I just don’t want to move too fast with you. And I just think we…should get to know each other better first.”
Even though I know almost everything there is to know about you.
Letting out a deep breath, I went on. “But since I really can’t resist you, I think the best thing for me to do is to go home tonight, then take you out again properly. You’re not some booty call to me, Bianca.”
She placed her hands over her face and spoke into them. “You’re right. I was just…feeling like I needed it tonight.”
I know.
Because of me.
My chest hurt. I needed to get out of here before I admitted everything. She wasn’t in the right state of mind for the truth tonight.
Kissing her softly on the forehead, I said, “I’ll call you soon, okay?”
She simply nodded before walking me to the door.
Try to whittle your way out of this one, douchebag.
Feeling like an absolute asshole, I drove home in my Jeep vowing that after tonight, Jay was dead.
The next morning at the office, I was distracted, to say the least. Cancelling all my meetings for the day, I did something I almost never did. I went home and did nothing.
Sitting on my couch, I watched the clock, anxious for my chat with Bianca later. Only nine more hours to go. Dread filled me.
Should I tell her tonight?
I picked up the phone and decided to dial the one person who I knew could relate to what I was going through right now.
He picked up. “Hello, son.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Not bad. Just came in from a walk. About to make a tuna sandwich.”
“How’s the weather down there?”
“It’s Florida. Hot with a chance of rain pretty much all of the time.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“To what do I owe this phone call?”
“I actually need your advice.”
“That’s not something you often seek.”
“Well, this is one circumstance where I think you can actually be of some help. It involves lying. I’ve gotten myself into some deep shit.”
“Ah. Now, this is making sense.”
“I know you didn’t exactly hide your affairs from Mother very well. But essentially, you always seemed to be able to get back into her good graces…”
He interrupted, “Are you having an affair on someone?”
“No, I’m not a cheater, Dad. But I lied about my identity. The woman I’m dating thinks I’m someone else.”
“Are you ashamed of yourself or something?”
“It’s a long story. I thought she had some preconceived notions about rich and powerful men. I made a bad judgment call. Basically, I’m going to come clean to her soon and need to own up to my mistake. I just wondered if there was a trick to admitting a lie in a way that it would result in the least amount of damage.”
He chuckled. “Your mother was way too good to me, far too forgiving. She shouldn’t have been. There is no trick, Dex. If you’re lucky, this woman will see who you really are and forgive you. If you’re not lucky, I’m afraid there is nothing you can do to convince someone you’ve hurt that they should give you a second chance. That’s the price we pay for dishonesty. If she’s got it in her mind that you’re untrustworthy, there may be no turning back from that. I’ve learned that the hard way.”
My chest constricted. “Alright.”
He added, “I’ve lost good people in my lifetime who were right in their decision not to trust me.”
“Well, I was hoping this conversation would make me feel better, but I actually feel worse now.”
“Sorry, son. I’m just trying to be honest.”
“Oh, the irony.”
We both got a good laugh out of that. It felt weird to be laughing with Dexter Sr., bonding over our mutual indiscretions.
“Yeah.” He sighed.
“I’ll let you get back to your lunch, old man.”
“Keep in touch.”
“I will.”
I was about to hang up when he said, “Dex?”
“Yeah?”