Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I managed to grab the nurse’s shoulder, forcing her to duck down with me as the object flew over our heads, hit the wall with a bang, and then clattered to the floor.
Hesitantly, I looked over at the now still projectile to see what it was and shuddered. Belle’s bedpan. Sweet mother of God, the woman really was possessed.
“Hey! Assholes! Stop gossiping like little girls and get over here and get this kid out of me!” Her eyes were blazing with pain and fury, her blonde hair was a messy halo around her head, and she didn’t have a lick of make-up on. She looked like she had marched through war and back.
She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, though.
And temporarily fuck-nuts crazy, too.
Standing and pulling the nurse up with me, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared back at the woman I loved. “If you had taken the drugs, you wouldn’t be in so much pain, baby. You were the one who insisted on doing a natural birth.”
“Then I’ve changed my mind, jackass! Give me the damn drugs, and give them to me now!”
After the last of her roar died down, the nurse leaned over and whispered, “The evidence is quickly mounting that an exorcism needs to be performed.”
“Fuck the exorcism, lady, just give her the drugs,” I ground out.
The woman flinched then took a slow step away from me. “I’m afraid that your fiancée’s labor is too far along to give her an epidural. Last time the doctor checked her cervix, she was already dilated at seven centimeters, and her contractions are now regular. He’ll be back in a few moments to deliver your baby.” The nurse scurried out of the room as fast as she could, leaving me alone with the deranged woman on the bed.
Seth chose that moment to walk through the door with a coffee in hand. Just as he cleared the door, his eyes bugged and he yelled, “Duck, Dad!”
I didn’t duck fast enough to miss the missile that was aimed at my head. Thankfully, it was Belle’s pillow, so it was enough to whack me to get my attention, though not enough to take me out.
Facing my woman, I threatened, “Throw one more thing at me, and I’m going to have the nurses restrain your hands to the fuckin’ bed.”
Belle started to open her mouth to reply, but a contraction hit her hard, and her body seized up as she moaned in pain.
Rushing over to her side, I grabbed her hand to try to offer her some comfort. “Breathe, baby. Breathe through it.”
Her hand clamped down around my fingers, squeezing hard enough that it felt like my digits were being crushed in a vise. I refused to complain about it, though. Belle was about to push the equivalent of a bowling ball out of her vagina. A few broken fingers seemed to pale in comparison.
As Seth showed up on the other side of the bed and grabbed her hand, I noticed she didn’t squeeze the utter shit out of his hand.
Her contraction finally waned, and she collapsed back on the bed. Panting, she grumbled, “I’m not so sure about that football team of kids you want to have, Bobby. My whoo-ha can only take so much before I hang a permanent closed sign on it.”
Not intimidated the least bit by her threat, I scoffed, “Not happening, sweetheart. Next baby, I’ll make you take drugs if I have to hold you down while they administer them. We made a deal, and you’re stickin’ to it.”
I had completely forgotten our son was in the room until he stepped up to the other side of the bed with a curious look on his face. “Just how many kids did you promise to have, Mom?”
Belle huffed, “One more after this one.”
Seth’s lips tipped up in amusement. “What’s that you like to say to me: ‘suck it up, buttercup’?”
Belle frowned at our boy. “You know what other phrase they say? ‘I brought you into this world, so I can take you out of it.’ ”
I tried to hold in the snort of laughter, but I lost the fight, earning me a glare from Belle.
“Laugh it up now, Bobby. I hope the next baby is a girl, too. Then you’ll be surrounded by a house full of women!”
I felt my face pale. “Don’t say that, woman. Take it back.”
Now it was Belle who was laughing silently. “What’s wrong, Bobby? Afraid of the idea of a couple of little girls?”