Missing Grace(5)

         
       
        

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you again. I doubt you remember me, but-"

She looked up from the large stack of files in front of her. "I remember. You were looking for your fiancée." Her voice was sympathetic as she spoke and Ben could see the sadness creep into her eyes. It must have been his body language or something in his eyes that told her Grace had not been found because she added, "I'm sorry." She didn't need to say it, but it was nice to hear.

"Thank you. I was wondering if you knew if the picture had been shared. I feel it's a numbers game. Someone in this city has to know what happened to her." He could hear the desperation in his voice and knew she could too.

She leaned forward and whispered as if she was sharing a secret, "I made colored copies to help them stand out and posted them in all the staff lounges except the doctors. But, I asked a doctor to do that."

Her kindness warmed him. If only it could bring Grace back. "You did that?"

She glanced down at her paperwork once again but left it and walked around the desk closer to him. She kept her voice lowered and said, "I did it because I can see how much you love her." The nurse rested her hand on his arm and tried to comfort him in some small way. "I hope it helps. I hope you find her."

"Thank you."

Ben had never wanted to move away from where they grew up. Grace hadn't either, but here he was living in Chicago as if it had become his home. Home? It wasn't home. It was a building that housed him. His home was Grace. He'd quit his job in Seattle and stayed in Chicago. In his mind, there was no point in going back to their apartment. Without knowing what happened, if she was dead or alive. He couldn't face the emptiness that awaited him there. He couldn't go back without her. He couldn't give up. When a job opening came up in Chicago, he transferred and settled. Settling seemed to fit in more ways than just his location.

He bought the basics and nothing more. Ben rejected the idea of building another life. He couldn't even remember what life was without Grace in it. They were ten when they first became friends. They were fourteen when they shared their first kiss. They were sixteen when they showed each other how much they truly loved one another. They were kids, lovers, partners, fiancés and each other's future. They were life to each other. They'd been Ben and Grace for years. But now, he didn't know what they were. Ben didn't know who he was.

Outwardly, he had moved on. Inwardly, he was still in love with the dream life he'd once had. He was functioning, barely. Like an alcoholic, the search for Grace became an addiction, as he couldn't believe she could be gone forever. He didn't bother decorating an apartment. Why would he? It was meant to be temporary. Every spare minute that wasn't dedicated to work, eating, or sleeping he spent searching for his love. And sometimes when he should have been sleeping, he used that time scouring online resources. He was a soulless and heartless man without her. He felt like a hostage in his own body. The best parts of him disappeared with her, and he never felt right after that, trapped with his memories. 

Jennifer brought Ben coffee and asked, "How are you?"

He shrugged, not wanting to tell her how he really felt. He didn't have to. She knew. "Don't lose hope." Patting him on the arm, she got up, and went back to her station. He sat there slumped in the seat. He knew he'd be back in another two months, just in case a Jane Doe or Grace Stevens was brought in for something.

During the shift change, he went home.



* * *



Two nights later, Ben stood in front of Rebecca's door and pushed the bell. It opened wide, and she tilted her head. "You have a key, Benjamin. You can come in, you know. Treat it like your own hom-" She caught herself before she finished the word. Glancing to him, her wide eyes gave her away, and she said, "Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," Ben replied, feeling terrible that he made her feel bad over one word. It was a word that stabbed his heart anytime he heard it, and unfortunately, she had learned not to use it around him. This was her special night, and he wanted to see the happiness back in her eyes that was there when she opened the door. "You look very pretty, Dr. Bauer."

Her sadness morphed into joy again. How did Rebecca care so much for him? He should feel lucky. He wanted her to be happy. Not guarded. "You look very dashing yourself, Mr. Edwards." She straightened his tie.

He liked wearing his tuxedo because he didn't get to wear it much. It felt special and made him feel confident, a little like his old self. He offered her an escort elbow. "Are you ready?"