Missing Grace(17)

Her gentle sniffles were the only sound in the room. He stayed a respectful distance this time when all she wanted to do was touch him and have him touch her in ways that weren't respectful. She didn't look at him, but she spoke, "I'm doing this behind Hunter's back. I lied to him last night about seeing you and here I am today after promising him I wouldn't." She pursed her lips as she bit the inside of her cheek.

Caught between two worlds, she hurt in ways she'd thought she had buried. "I don't care about him, Grace. I'm sorry. I don't. I only care about you."

"That's our wedding date," she stated.

"You remember?" he asked with what felt like anticipation. His chest pressed solidly to her back as his hands took hold of her arms. Ben's heart thumped rapidly, matching hers. "You remembered." Turning her around, he cupped her face. "You remember."

The smile on his face was infectious, making her want to say anything that would keep it there, but she couldn't in her confusion. "What?"

He embraced her against his chest, holding her as tight as he could, his love pouring into her through a kiss to the head and warm arms that secured her to him. "I can't believe you remember our wedding date."



       
         
       
        





7





Jane Parker





Our wedding date?

"We were engaged?"

"We were going to be married."

Jane struggled to get free from Ben. "This is too much." Her mind was racing and she felt like she was suffocating. Yet, he held her as she drowned in her conflicting emotions. Our wedding date?

Our wedding date.

No.

No.

No.

Pushing harder, she demanded her freedom. "Let go of me."

"No," he replied, fighting back against her anger.

With her fists, she hit him on the chest until his grip loosened and she could escape. "Don't. Don't," she shouted, tears streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks. "Don't touch me!" Her back hit the door, and she felt trapped. "Please," she begged, cowering down until her bottom hit the floor. She couldn't bear to witness his soul shattering because of her, the look of horror on his face already haunting her. So she tucked her face into the small space between her knees and chest and cried.

His body seemed paralyzed in front of her. He dropped to his knees before her as confusion clouded his eyes.

Jane wanted to disappear, to stop the war raging inside her. She didn't know what to do, but dared to look up again, this time their eyes locked together. He didn't reach out to her. It wouldn't have done any good. She knew that. So he sat there and gave into the gentle rocking back and forth motion his body was involuntarily seeking to comfort itself.

"Grace?" he said no louder than a whisper.

He seemed a stranger again as her heart darkened and she stared into his unfamiliar eyes. "My name is Jane." She rose to her feet and straightened her pants, cold and distant. She knew she had to get control of herself. She had slipped into someone he wanted her to be, not knowing if she could, even if she wanted. Too much life had happened prior to their paths crossing again. Too much of everything stood in their way. She needed to protect herself. Reaching for her purse, she stood next to the coffee table with no magazines or photos, water ring marks, or anything that would give her a sense of the man he was.

"Grace?"

Jane cringed as she heard the name given to her from a life she didn't know. It felt wrong. His voice was low and uncaring and yet so pained as if it pained him to say her name. He was broken. She had broken him and that broke her. She shouldn't care. Why did she? She didn't know him. She didn't owe him anything. He was a stranger to the life she lived now, an invader to the peace she thought she had found. These were lies, lies she told her mind to comfort her heart, but he was right. What her head didn't know, her heart already did. 

She set her purse back down and both of them audibly sighed as relief filled the room. She turned back around needing to know more and knowing she had to rely on Ben to get those answers. They stood their ground, confined in the mess of what they left behind and what was left unsaid.

She hated hurting him, but this happened to her. He was caught in the crossfire, but it was her who lost everyone, and everything. "I'm marrying Hunter on June seventeenth. That's our wedding day." Her words were firm and unapologetic, leaving little room for hope. She heard Ben's gulp, as he looked down in defeat. She held her stance needing to get this out. It was time they dealt with facts, and faced reality. "I can't hurt him, Ben. I see how you look at me." She paused unsure of her next words, but they came out anyway. "I feel something for you, but I can't hurt him. He saved me. When I had nothing, he saved me. Hunter is a good man. He's been patient with me and kind. He's supported me as I rebuilt my life. He has been there every step of the way-"