Over the next couple weeks, Ben found his reprieve from the heavy sadness he had burrowed inside him. Rebecca showed him he could love Grace and still start living again. They had built a friendship on understanding and patience, both deeply involved in their careers. She brought him back to life during this time. No, Ben wasn't the same as he was with Grace, but he was better than he had been in years.
His heart ached from the thought of hurting Rebecca, but he tried to justify to himself that he had warned her when they met that he was not a whole man. She had been cautioned before they became entangled. And although he was grateful for all she'd done for him emotionally, he still wasn't healed or ready to let go of Grace, especially not now.
Grace was the only one who could heal him, and he'd found her again. He had to give it his all. His heart and soul deserved this opportunity. Rebecca deserved to find someone fully invested in her, too. He recognized that Grace's GQ fiancé probably wasn't going to give her up without a fight, so he had to shoot straight to her heart. He had to bring in the big guns, reinforcements.
Emily.
Pacing the empty dining room, he tried to work out how to break this news. It wouldn't be easy. His sister would probably roll her eyes or tell him to talk to a therapist about his delusions. But this time, Grace was real. He would lay it all out there for her-plain and simple-and give her the facts. There really was no beating around the bush when it came to telling someone that their best friend was alive, but had no recollection of her life prior to life in Chicago.
So he made the call and on the third ring, Emily answered, "This is a pleasant surprise."
It had been a while since the twins had spoken. Ben had cut himself off from a lot of his old life to cope with the loss of Grace, but it hadn't worked. Nothing worked. Nothing made him feel better. Just more alone.
"Sorry about that." Although he knew she understood, he still felt bad for not talking to her more.
"That's okay. You're calling now. How are you?" Her voice was soft, a bit apprehensive.
"I'm okay. You know, working a lot."
"I hope you're playing a lot too. You know the saying. Work hard-"
"Umm, not playing so hard these days, or at all." It was true. He didn't play much. He didn't do much of anything except work, and he knew his sister knew this all too well about him. The last time they talked she had mentioned that she hoped things had started to turn around for him with his new girlfriend.
"How's Rebecca? Mom forwarded me the picture of the two of you at some fancy event. You looked great in your tux. She's very pretty, Ben."
His sister always changed the subject when she got uncomfortable, but this wasn't a subject he wanted to talk about. "She shouldn't have done that. I only sent it because she'd been hassling me to send one-"
"Mom loves you. She's happy you've met someone you like. We're all happy for you-"
"I know, but I need to tell you something, Em."
They were twins. Growing up they always joked about reading each other's minds and would pull pranks. A lot of that was true though. Emily could read him well, even over the phone. He had tried to keep his voice even, but when it came to this revelation, it tilted up due to his happiness. "What are you talking about? Is this about Grace again?"
"Yes, it's about Grace. It's always about Grace."
"Ben, you've got to try to move on. She's gone, and let's face it, she's most likely never coming back. We're probably not going to know what happened, but it's time that you let yourself off the hook here." He heard her sharp intake of breath before she continued. "I loved Grace, too. I think about her every day. I miss her every day. She was my best friend. She's still the first person I want to call when something good happens in my life, but I can't. I don't know where she is and after all of these years, I'm tired of hurting and crying over something I can't control. You can't control this. You can't fix this, Ben."
Emily's pain was heard across the miles on that phone call, which he hated. She was right, until now. "But what if I could? I mean," his tone went from depressed to hopeful, "what if I could bring her back?"
"Back from where?"
"Back from the dead."
Silence.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Silence.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Em, I found her. She's alive."
* * *
While Emily flew from Seattle to Chicago, Ben had a date to keep that he refused to be late for. He even showed up twenty minutes early. He sat there biding his time by flipping through pictures of Grace on his phone.
"Hello again."
He looked up and smiled, struggling to keep his emotions and body in check. Every part of him reacted to her just like it always had and his heart still failed to realize it couldn't have what it wanted . . . yet.