Miss Wrong and Mr Right(9)

‘Where does she get this at such an early age?’ asked Sharon. ‘Out of my league… I love your father. I just like looking at Ryan Harrison… and I might get to touch him!’

‘Steady on Sharon,’ I said. ‘I’ve had to book security guards for the theatre.’

Sharon wiped her hands and opened the pantry door. On the inside hung the Official Ryan Harrison Calendar. It was turned to July, which was a broody black and white shot of Ryan lying shirtless on a beach in Speedos, with sand artfully dusting his taut six pack.

‘Look at him, smouldering in my pantry with all the dried lentils and Weetabix… And tonight I get to see him for real! Do you fancy a glass of wine Nat?’

‘I’d love to, but I’ve got to get back,’ I said.

‘Ok, we’ll make up for it later… Is it still a free bar?’

‘Yes. We’ve hired a mixologist to make cocktails.’

‘Ooh super!’ said Sharon. ‘Felix what does it say to do next?’

Felix unfolded the nit lotion leaflet and started to read out loud.

‘After applying lotion allow eight hours, and then rinse thor-ror…thur..’

‘Thoroughly!’ shouted Amy. Sharon paused, closing the pantry door.

‘Don’t you mean eight minutes Felix?’

‘No Mummy. It says eight hours…’

Sharon went over to Felix and grabbed the leaflet.

‘Eight hours? Why didn’t that bloody woman in the chemist say! I didn’t want the eight hour one! Eight hours takes us to…’

‘Midnight,’ I said.

‘Yay, yay, yay! Can we stay up?’ shouted Amy. ‘We’ve only ever stayed up till midnight on New Year's Eve!’

‘Cool!’ shouted Felix, joining in with Amy jumping up and down in excitement. Sharon stood with the leaflet, tears starting to prick her eyes.

‘It’s all right. Just rinse it off and do it again tomorrow,’ I said. Sharon bit her lip.

‘No, because I will still have nits, and I’ll have to do them again, and it says you shouldn’t use these chemical shampoos more than once a month… And I can’t take them to school tomorrow if they haven’t been done.’

‘Really?’ I asked.

‘There’s virtually been a witch hunt to find whose children are responsible for the nit outbreak. And I can’t come to your fancy launch party with nits! What if I gave Ryan Harrison nits? I’d be mortified!’

Sharon grabbed a tissue, wiped her eyes and blew her nose.

‘Can we have a Dr Who marathon Mummy?’ asked Felix. Sharon sighed and nodded. The kids both screamed and ran through to the living room.

‘BUT DON’T SIT RIGHT BACK ON THE SOFA CUSHIONS!’ she shouted after them. ‘This shampoo smells like industrial solvent.’

‘Are you sure you won’t come? You could stay at mine and…’

‘Thanks, but no,’ she sighed. ‘Mummy duty comes first.’

‘There will be plenty of time to meet Ryan. He’s going to be at the theatre for five weeks. Plenty of time, I promise,’ I said giving her a hug.

‘I even had my tits measured at Marks and Spencer’s, and bought an expensive new bra,’ sniffed Sharon. ‘Turns out my tits are bigger than I thought. God I could have seen Ryan tonight with my new big tits. He must like big ones, he’s from Los Angeles…’

I peered at her breasts to see if they looked any different. Sharon blew her nose and dabbed her eyes.

‘Will you be okay Nat, if I don’t come? Is Benjamin coming?’

‘He was invited but he’s got his meditation group…’ I said. Sharon turned to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine.

‘I know you’re pulling a face,’ I added.

‘I’m not doing anything,’ she lied.

‘I know you think Benjamin is selfish… And I suppose he is, sometimes, but he’s just focused on his yoga and his meditation and… And we all need things to focus on. I focus on my job.’

Sharon nodded unconvincingly and poured herself a huge glass of wine.

‘I gave him a key this morning,’ I added.

‘To what?’

‘Nicky asked the same thing. To my flat, of course…’

Sharon went to say something when the Dr Who theme wound down and we heard the unmistakable sound of the Daleks.

‘They are not watching that episode, Felix won’t sleep. He’s terrified of the Daleks,’ said Sharon jumping up. I followed her into the living room and watched her go into Mum mode, commandeering the remote and choosing a different episode. I realised that I had to go. She gave me a hug by the door.

‘Phone me later, and tell me everything,’ she said.