There was a pause.
‘Natalie, you know I despise organised religion.’
‘There’s nothing really religious about it, it’ll just be a load of middle-class people showing off their children.’
‘Fine,’ he said.
‘Fine what?’
‘I’ll come to the christening.’
‘Really?’ I said, shocked.
‘Of course, Natalie. We’re in an adult relationship. This is what adults do.’
‘Well that’s fab, thank you, I mean that’s great. And if you want to do some adult stuff, I can come over after all… Before you do nothing, we could do somethi…’
‘Natalie, please give me some space. Namaste.’ And then he hung up.
I turned off the taps. I quickly wrote a triumphant text message to my mother:
I WILL BE COMING TO THE CHRISTENING WITH BENJAMIN
CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL & FOR U TO MEET HIM :) NAT x
P.S FORGOT TO ASK ABOUT TRIFLE. WILL FIND OUT.
I heard Sharon from downstairs asking one of the kids to come and get me for dessert. I washed my hands and came out of the bathroom. Amy and Felix leapt back from where they had been listening outside the door.
‘Hello, what are you two up to?’ I asked. Amy threw her arms around my waist and gave me a huge hug.
‘WE love you Aunt Nat… don’t we Felix?’ she said. He nodded sagely beside her.
‘And I love you both too,’ I said.
‘Benjamin doesn’t deserve you,’ Amy added. ‘We just heard you on the phone.’
‘He does sound like a commitment probe,’ said Felix nodding.
‘Not a probe Felix, Mum said commitment phobe,’ corrected Amy.
‘What’s a probe?’ asked Felix.
‘That’s the thing they put up daddy’s bottom, when he had the health check… A ‘phobe’ is someone who is scared of something…’ said Amy. ‘Benjamin is scared to commit to Aunt Nat, and that’s not her fault, he’s just making her feel that it is. That’s what commitment phobes do.’
I looked at her, shocked at her insight and maturity.
‘He’s just agreed to come to a christening with me,’ I said, realising I was seeking the approval of an eight and ten year old.
‘Mum thinks Benjamin is a wanker,’ said Felix. ‘We overheard her saying that to Daddy. And she said that you think you're not good enough for him, but actually you are way better…’
‘And Mummy said you shouldn’t be afraid to be single and stay in the relationship just because you don’t want to be alone…’ added Amy.
Sharon appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
‘There you all are. Who wants pavlova?’
‘Yayyayayayayayyy!’ The kids screamed and ran down the stairs.
‘Nat?’
‘I’d love some, and some more of that wine,’ I said.
I left mid-afternoon, and after saying bye to the kids and Fred, Sharon came with me to the front door.
‘Thanks again for lunch,’ I said giving her a hug. ‘Benjamin has agreed to come to Dexter’s christening. He’s going to meet my family.’
‘That’s nice,’ she said. ‘It’s only taken him a year, is it?’
‘Eleven and a half months… Do you like Benjamin?’ Sharon opened her mouth then closed it. ‘Be honest, please,’ I added.
She came out onto the front step and pulled the door closed behind her.
‘Nat. Whoever you love, I will love, or I will try my best to… I just think that Benjamin, I think he…’
‘Is a commitment phobe and a wanker?’
‘I may have said that off the record…’ said Sharon uncomfortably. ‘But seriously, I think you are a catch Nat. You’re clever, and funny and so loyal. You are my best friend who I want the best for. And I don’t know if Benjamin is the best.’
‘He can be different when I get him on his own… And he sees the world differently…’
‘Look, Nat. If you can make it work with Benjamin, then I support you all the way, and I will love him because you love him. Hell, he can even babysit!’
I smiled.
‘So on another subject,’ she said. ‘When do I get to meet Ryan Harrison?’
‘We start rehearsals tomorrow,’ I said. ‘Let me get the first day over with and then I’ll sort something. I promise.’
‘Love you,’ she said giving me a big hug. As I made my way to the train station it kept going round in my head what, Sharon had said…
If you can make it work with Benjamin, then I support you all the way…
Maybe it was simple. I just had to make it work. Maybe I just needed to go with it, take risks. Benjamin agreeing to come to the christening was a real breakthrough. If that went well I could bring him to Sharon’s for Sunday lunch, and we could babysit!