Miss Wrong and Mr Right(18)

I realised I just wanted to sleep. Going to sleep is a full stop for the day, and there is always the possibility of being able to start afresh with the next one.

I remembered I had some sleeping pills in the bathroom cabinet. I went through and took one with a mouthful of water from the tap. By the time I had put everything on charge, washed my glass and tidied away my things I was drowsy.

I barely made it to the bedroom and slid under the covers, when I was asleep.





Sold out





I woke up with my face stuck to the pillow. I rolled over, opened my eyes and saw it was ten-thirty in the morning. I staggered out of bed and went through to the kitchen. I saw the takeaway leaflet on the fridge and remembered everything that had happened last night. I switched on the coffee machine, and then went to the fridge to get milk. The red light was blinking on the landline and I pressed play.

‘Morning Natalie,’ purred Benjamin. ‘It’s nine twenty-three am. I’m calling to see how things went last night. Will I be seeing Ryan Harrison at BenjiYoga? I do hope so. Namaste.’

There was a bleep and the message ended. It was a passive aggressive message… and a passive aggressive namaste. Benjamin seems to use that word a lot. He uses it when he wants something. He uses it sarcastically when someone does something he dislikes. He even yells it just before he ejaculates.

Oh yes! Natalie, oh yes! I’m going to! Ugh! NAMASTE!

I burst out laughing as I popped a coffee capsule in the machine. I went to my laptop and googled the word ‘namaste’ to see what it really meant. Wikipedia had it down as, ‘a respectful form of greeting or welcoming, the translation being, I bow to the divine you.’

‘He lectures me on being more spiritual and he doesn’t even use it properly!’ I said out loud. My mind went back to Jamie. He really used to make me laugh. I can’t think of a day when we were together that we didn’t laugh…

That’s the problem with Benjamin, he’s never made me laugh. In fact he doesn’t seem to have a sense of humour. I never realised how important a sense of humour is in a relationship. I once made the mistake of putting on an episode of Absolutely Fabulous. Benjamin regarded it in horror, as if it were a gritty documentary on two women in the fashion industry.

‘These are awful people,’ he said, staring at the screen. ‘Why is everyone laughing?’

I was laughing along too with the studio audience, as Patsy staggered out of a taxi, dishevelled and wearing her knickers outside her clothes.

‘It’s a sitcom,’ I explained.

‘But Natalie, these women have terrible substance abuse problems… The tall one…’

‘Patsy…’

‘Yes, she’s the enabler for the dark-haired one…’

‘Edina,’ I added helpfully. On the screen Patsy opened the taxi door, and Edina fell out backwards onto the road.

‘Don’t they need help? Not our laughter!’ said Benjamin seriously, which made me laugh even more. I realised you can’t explain why something is funny. You either have a sense of humour or you don’t.



I debated calling him back, but thought I needed a coffee first. Then the landline rang, and thinking I should get it over with, I picked up.

‘Oh. Hello? Is that you, Natalie?’ said my mother.

‘Hi Mum,’ I said.

‘Natalie hello! I didn’t expect to speak to you. I was going to leave a message.’

‘I’m not working today,’ I said. There was a silence.

‘Right, well, the reason I’m ringing is that your sister Micky is organising to have Dexter christened for his first birthday.’

I realised it had been a long time since I’d last spoken to Mum. Was Dexter really already one year old? She went on,

‘It’s going to be on a Sunday, in two weeks’ time.’

‘Look, Mum, I’m really busy here…’ I said.

‘Surely you can’t be working Sundays, Natalie? And we’d love to meet this Benjamin chappie who you’ve been going out with. And we’d love to see you,’ she pleaded.

‘I don’t know…’

‘Your sister wants to get an invitation in the post to you asap. The printers are holding the presses.’

‘Doesn’t Micky print her own invitations at home?’

‘It’s a figure of speech Natalie. We would love it if you could come to the christening. I’ve forgotten what you look like. And Dad misses you like mad. A visit from you would perk him up.’

‘If, and I mean if I come, it would only be for a few hours. I’d have to do it there and back in a day,’ I said.

‘And you’ll bring this Benjamin?’ asked Mum brightly.