Misfit(35)

Outlaw suspected. Not surprising to Cash. Only Meggie clouded the man’s vision.

“Uncle Chris is mad, huh? That’s why you won’t answer.”

Cash turned to Diesel, who stood in only his pants, worry creasing his brow.

“Outlaw isn’t mad with anyone. He wishes he could be here with us.” Who wouldn’t want a no-strings dick suck?

Diesel’s worry changed to confusion. “Really? He told you that?”

“No, but, would you rather be here with Daphne? Or getting pizza with little kids?”

Diesel ignored Cash’s question. “Uncle Chris is happy being married.”

“Marriage is complicated. It’s a sacred entity that has nothing to do with who you fuck, Diesel. Most married people fuck other people.”

“Yeah, women can be unreliable.”

Cash thought of Fee. If he’d allow her, she’d be quite reliable. He was the asshole pushing her away. Because of her. Because of Stretch. Cash wanted it to be all about sex, for so many fucking reasons. Outlaw. Himself. Stretch. Having Fee with them added to Stretch’s feelings of worthlessness. Cash had already fucked with Stretch’s emotions. He didn’t want to do the same to Fee, who was just as vulnerable. “Men aren’t dependable all the time, either.”

“My mom left me and my dad first,” Diesel scoffed. “If she hadn’t left, maybe, my dad wouldn’t have.”

“They both had responsibilities to you. One no more than the other.”

“She gave birth to me. That meant, she should’ve wanted me even more.” Instead of expanding on the comment, he asked, “Did your parents ever disappoint you?”

“Not my mother.”

“So you’re close to her?”

“Not really.”

“See? Unreliable.”

Cash leaned against the table with containers of nails and wiring, and folded his arms. He wondered if he should sell the shit or keep it in case Outlaw needed something to go boom, boom, pow again. “She isn’t. I pushed her away. Not the other way around. I hurt her deeply, wanting her out of my business, so she started traipsing around the world with her second husband. My mother stayed single until I left her house at eighteen. She put her entire life on hold for me. My father put his life on hold for no one.”

Scratching behind his ear, Diesel nodded, then looked at the items on the table. “Would you show me how to make a bomb?”

“That would be up to Outlaw.”

“Can you put in a good word for me?”

Cash chuckled. “You did pretty well at getting your way today.”

“He tried to talk me out of it, though. I…he’s told me about some of his experiences, when it’s just me and him. His past made him gave in, not because he thought I should be here.”

“I disagree. You’re almost seventeen. He couldn’t stop you from doing whatever you want to.”

Hooking his thumbs in his belt loops, Diesel rocked on his heels. “Uncle Chris could stop me from doing a lot of things. He could stop you, too.”

Though true, the statement raised Cash’s hackles. “I’m a grown fucking man. No other motherfucker can dictate what I do.”

He shoved aside the thought of Fee asking him to bring their relationship out in the open. That was different. If he wanted a committed situation, he wouldn’t concern himself with Outlaw’s threats.

But Cash wasn’t fit for commitment. He’d tried with Stretch, harder than anyone knew, and he continued to fail. Part of the reason was because he missed the feel of a woman. Unfortunately, the girl he chose frightened the fuck out of Cash, as much as Stretch did.

Cash didn’t do fear. He scoffed at it, found a way to turn it around. To his brain, fear equaled enemy. Enemies meant danger. Danger called for annihilation.

“Are you ever getting married?”

Fuck, this kid. Would he ever shut the fuck up? Once upon a time, in a world without Parnell, Cash had been a strange little motherfucker, understanding the importance of his name and his status. He’d had infatuations with Hollywood celebrities and listened to his mom about what it was like to fall in love. Then, his father had smashed his dreams, the ogre in the tale, and Cash stopped believing in true love.

Hunger pangs hit him. Throwing Diesel an irritated glance, he left the room without commenting and headed to his kitchen. Menus from neighborhood restaurants offering delivery were in his drawer. Pulling the small stack out, he spread them on his counter.

Diesel followed him. “Well, are you?”

“No.”

“I go back and forth about it. I’d like kids just to be the father my father never was. But I need a wife for that.”