Rory listened to Kendall out of fear and wanted to emulate Johnnie out of love. She wished she could change that, break the vicious cycle that began with her mother. Marie would leave Kendall alone in the dark for hours. Well before Carolyn’s birth, her mother berated her and…and abused her
Spinning around, she went to the living room and plopped onto the sofa, falling sideways onto the cushion and sobbing.
Though she didn’t want her own son to be afraid of her, that was the only way she knew how to control him. She’d lost control of Johnnie and she’d never been able to control Christopher. She refused to have Rory turn into him…them, she meant. A biker. CJ.
Christopher. Homicidal maniacal fucker.
More tears slid down her cheeks and she covered her ears, the sounds of silence maddening to her. She wanted her family. Her children. Her husband. Her big house.
Cash had brought her to the middle of nowhere, claiming this was the only safe house suitable for a woman like her. The way he’d sneered those words let Kendall know he didn’t care one way or the other about her comfort. Instead of bringing her there, he could’ve put her on a flight to Bermuda. But, no, he’d sent her to a small house that could fit inside the first floor of her mansion two times over.
Kendall raised her head and swiped at her cheeks, taking in everything and ignoring the rumbles of her stomach. The fine décor surprised her, although the bat leaning against the wall annoyed her. Cash had said it was for protection. Jackass. If someone with a gun came after her, a bat would do no good. Unless this was a setup and Cash had led her here so Christopher could find her.
Real fear hit her and she jumped up, rushing to her phone where it lay on the nightstand in the bedroom. That had to be it! After all she’d done, especially to Fee, Cash wouldn’t want to help her. She had to call Johnnie and tell him…God!
Johnnie had insisted she go, not caring that Cash could’ve been sent to kill her on Outlaw’s orders. Not caring that Kendall didn’t want to leave or that she was pregnant for him. He’d taken her kids away, her maid away, her house away. He’d taken himself away.
Stumbling to the edge of the bed, Kendall digested that. Roxy had pretended to care about her, but left without a trace. She’d talked to Meggie but couldn’t take the time for Kendall. That hurt more than Kendall wanted to admit. She’d adored Roxy, believed in her, then she’d just deserted her. Like Meggie. And Johnnie.
The only person she’d truly wronged was Fee, who’d tried to be her friend. Time and again, she’d trampled on Fee’s trust, committing the ultimate betrayal and revealing to Outlaw just what Fee knew of her intentions.
In the cold light of day, with not a soul around, Kendall’s rash decision stunned her. She jumped up again and went to the bag she’d packed her personal items in, finding her bottles of anti-depressants and sleeping pills.
She took three different medicines just to be normal. No one knew that. Not even Johnnie. It shamed her to admit that she was so…so crazy. But she’d hurt Fee because she’d been hurt. She hurt Rory because she hated CJ.
What kind of mother did that to her own son? What adult despised a small boy? She resented CJ so much. Everyone adored him. No one bothered to correct his speech or tell him that he sounded like a little idiot. His younger brother and sister spoke better than he did. Yet, they let it slide, while scrutinizing and criticizing her every move.
Untwisting each bottle cap, she poured the pills on the bed. The world would be so much better without her. All she’d ever done was hurt the ones she loved because they refused to understand her. It wasn’t their place to understand her. It was her place to get them to.
She made Johnnie miserable. Her death would free him to find love and happiness. He’d already thrown her away. Without Johnnie, she was lost and alone, without an anchor. Johnnie’s support and love gave her the freedom to be herself. He’d protect her, no matter what web she weaved. When had she ever reciprocated? Let him just be the man she’d met so long ago.
Kendall’s stomach growled. She and the baby were hungry, and they had no one there to prepare her food. She was all alone.
Kill yourself.
Another sob escaped the back of her throat.
Her mom and her little sister had committed suicide. They’d left her. Not wanting her. Not believing in her.
Johnnie just wanted her back on her anti-depressants. He wanted her normal. At any cost. Their marriage. Their new baby.
She touched her belly, so sorry she’d gotten pregnant. At this point, she couldn’t remember why she’d done it. Yes, she wanted more children, but this baby had been to spite Meggie. Kendall had intended to have Johnnie deliver her baby as he’d delivered Meggie’s. She would’ve been back at the law firm because Christopher would see her as an invaluable asset to the club. Brooks would’ve offered her full partnership and Charlotte would’ve opened social doors for her that had always been locked to someone with Kendall’s background.