Misfit(199)
“Just take it at your own pace, sweetheart,” Cash said, his look sweet and tender. “I’ve been such a fucking fool, rejecting your feelings.” He nodded to Stretch. “His feelings,” he said, since he spoke to Fee. “I didn’t want to admit how much you completed me or that I understood what you meant when you said the same thing.”
Fee looked at her two gorgeous men. She loved them so much. Nothing and no one could ever change that. Sometimes, though, it was better to love from a distance. Love wasn’t supposed to kill or to hurt or to hinder. Love meant joy and happiness, solitude and safety.
Love was selfless.
She grabbed both Cash and Stretch’s hands and kissed their palms. “I understand now,” she whispered. “I did before, but I was too stubborn to admit it. Christopher would be furious at our relationship. Without his protection, it isn’t safe for you two to be involved and without me, it isn’t safe for you two to be public.”
“You’ve never been our buffer. We weren’t with you so we could be out in the open.”
“I never thought that way, Stretch. Until now,” she added. “Nor do I mean it as you’re taking it.”
“Then what do you mean?” Cash bit out. “There’s not too much room for error with that statement.”
“I meant that with me, any woman, you’d have your best shot to be “open”,” she said, using air quotations, “and still remain in the club. But you two meant something to each other way before I came into the picture. I love you both. So very much. That’s why…” She swallowed and blinked away more rising tears, then linked their hands together. “I want you two to be together and be happy. Don’t let me hinder what you had. Life’s so short. One hour you might be looking at dresses and, the next, you’re near death. Don’t deny each other because you can’t have me.”
“We can be together,” Stretch said, reclaiming his hand. “The three of us. I love you both.”
Cash caressed her cheek and leaned down, kissing her mouth. “Outlaw’s wrath is something I don’t want. Never again. But I don’t want just one of you. I want both of you.”
“We belong together,” she said, the prospect of them being together a dream that seemed so out of reach. “The three of us. We do. I believe that with everything in me. However, we all deserve happiness. If we can’t be together, then you two should be.”
Hope glimmered in Stretch’s eyes before he heaved in a breath, noticing the stubborn set of Cash’s jaw.
“We’ll be together,” he swore. “All three of us. Just give me time to figure it out, without involving Meggie. If we’re grown motherfuckers, then we handle our own shit.”
“Cash, haven’t you heard me? Life is short. Neither me or Stretch can spend the rest of our days waiting until you figure out how to make us work. I want children. I want a family. I almost died, and I’m no longer going to deny how much love—kids—mean to me.” Fee felt selfish for even saying that, but it was true. “I want kids with you and Stretch. Now. Soon. If Meggie can smooth things over with Christopher, it doesn’t make us any less adult.”
Cash looked from her to Stretch, and shook his head. “I love you both. It took almost losing you, Fee, for me to admit that to myself. But I have to do this my way.”
“Life is about compromise,” Fee protested.
“How long do you need, Cash?” Stretch interrupted.
“I don’t know. Time,” he said in his usual vague style.
“Take all the time you need. Both of you,” Fee added, praying she wouldn’t break down and cry in front of them. “If I’m still around when you’re ready, I’ll be more than happy to work things out. But this isn’t only your relationship, Cash. We’re all involved.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Let her rest, Cash,” Stretch said quickly. “We’re talking about us when she’s still recovering.”
“No, Stretch, let me answer him.” Fee raised her gaze to Cash and offered him a regretful smile. “I want you to want us so much that you don’t need time. I want you to want us so bad that you don’t feel as if you can live without us. Or I want you to let me go. Stop asking me for time and find your happiness with Stretch. You’re not being fair to any of us. The time for us is now. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. One’s gone and the other hasn’t arrived. You want me? Us? Do it now or don’t do it at all.”