Christopher would be a problem. His opinion mattered to her. But the world’s?
How would she respond to the criticism, the whispers, and the conclusions? If she couldn’t withstand that, stick by her lost boys and defend them with conviction, then she should walk away right now.
Kendall had already said a lot. Zoann would say even more. Fee would have to protect Cash and Stretch better than she had. The burden would be on her to make it seem as if the two men had nothing to do with each other, when, in actuality, Cash was the dominant one. He’d just have to let it seem as if she ruled, that she was their center.
“Christopher’s happy with Meggie. As for the entire world, you’re the last person I believed would give a damn about what anyone else thought.”
“I don’t give a fuck about what civilians say. My brothers, though? I care a lot about what they think, especially Outlaw. He’d never stop you from going after whoever the fuck you want. But he’s forbidden me to get close to you. I never want to piss him off again. Ever. In life.”
Not after the beating he’d received and Daphne’s shooting. However, it sounded as if the way Cash conducted their relationship in private also depended on her brother.
“You care more about what he says than how I feel?” she asked incredulously.
“I care about being in the club, Fee. If I survived Outlaw’s wrath, he’d make me choose between you and it. Why would I do that when I’ve witnessed so many fucking relationships falling apart? If we got together and said fuck the world, fuck Outlaw, we’re going to live together as man, man, and woman, and we didn’t work out, what would I have left? Memories. I’d be alone.”
“Suppose Christopher agreed?” Long shot, but anything was possible.
“Outlaw would never agree to you being in a threesome,” Stretch answered.
“It’s my life,” she gritted. “If I want to live in a nudist colony, he can’t say anything.”
Cash gave her a half smile. “Tell you what. Go to your brother, convince him you don’t want to be married. You don’t want kids—”
“But I do!” she interrupted.
“Exactly.”
“I get what Cash is saying,” Stretch admitted on a sigh.
“I don’t. I can still have kids with you two. We can still marry.”
“Really?” Cash’s assholeness had returned. “Which one of us would you marry? Not that it matters. You want to bring up cheating, then get married and screw another man.”
“It would be with everyone’s consent!” Fee protested. “That doesn’t qualify. It would be for legalities and…and to legitimize our children. That’s it. It wouldn’t mean anything else.”
“It would mean a fuck of a lot else,” Cash snapped. “The couple would have the advantage. Either me or Stretch would be the odd man out.”
“What about the kids?” Cash continued. “Who would you choose as the father?”
“I could marry one of you and the other would father our kids,” she said, putting this together as she went along. “That would give both of you equal stakes, but in different ways.”
“It wouldn’t be the same thing,” Cash insisted. “This is why Outlaw doesn’t want me near you, sweetheart. He knows what you want. We all do. He also knows I have a roving eye. It’s encoded in me.”
“Cheating isn’t a stupid gene, Cash,” she almost snarled. “It’s a choice. You choose to have a wandering eye. This is an excuse to not go to Christopher.”
“I don’t need an excuse. I have facts. He’ll fuck me up. If I thought we could last, I’d take the risk. We can’t.”
“Of course we can’t,” she said. “Not if we keep our relationship in the dark and not if you’re so determined to undermine it.”
“Fuck the family you want. Fuck the complications of a marriage,” he said, losing patience and returning to another argument. “What about what the world would think? You may not want to live in Zoann’s shadow, but you want her approval. Just as you want Outlaw’s approval, in spite of what you’re saying now.”
“They didn’t seek my approval when they chose the people they’d marry. As if it would matter what I thought. I feel the same way,” she fumed, her bravery stemming from the hypothetical situation. In real life, she wouldn’t be as firm, face-to-face with Christopher, Zoann, or Johnnie.
“Calm down, baby.” Stretch placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “He’s just pointing out what we need to address, Fee.”