“You’re right. I didn’t think,” he said. “My first thought should have been to protect you and your feelings. I’m so sorry, Jess. I’m not good at this. I don’t do relationships, and I obviously suck at it.” He sounded so defeated.
I couldn’t stay mad at him. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t love me. He cared, and that was all I would ever get from him. I knew that already. I was expecting him to react the way a man in love would. He couldn’t.
“It’s okay,” I said, turning to look at him. “I was expecting too much. I’m sorry.”
Jason’s frown only deepened. “Don’t apologize. This is all me. You deserve better than the way I treated you this morning. But if there is any way you can forgive me, I swear I’ll be better. I’ll figure this relationship thing out and get it right.”
He was willing to try, which counted for something. He still didn’t get that his first instinct should have been to choose me. But then, he wasn’t in love, so that wouldn’t be what he first thought of. I wasn’t looking for someone who would put me first, I was looking for someone to love me.
The realization was sad and pathetic. I had let this thing with Jason mean too much. I didn’t want to lose what little time I had with him until a Johanna came into his life and he fell head over heels in love with her and I was forgotten.
“Okay,” I said, fighting back the emotions that the thought of losing him stirred up.
“Okay?” he repeated. “I’m forgiven, okay? Or you’ll think about it, okay?” he asked.
“You’re forgiven,” I replied.
He let out a sigh of relief and bent his head to capture my mouth with his. I closed off all other thoughts and enjoyed him. Enjoyed this thing we had that I had let myself believe could be more. I accepted what was real and kissed him back, knowing I was going to need every memory I could make with him to keep me warm one day.
JASON
When her body melted against mine, I felt like I could take a deep breath again. I had been so damn scared. The hurt look in her eyes was going to haunt me for fucking weeks. I had to come up with a way to prove to her how important she was to me. Until then, I needed to reassure myself that she wasn’t about to walk out of my life in search of that guy who puts her first.
The unknown guy only made me more desperate. I lay her back on the seat, pushed my shirt that she was wearing up, and slid my hands under her tank top until her breast filled my hand. Her soft moan was so damn sweet. “I want you naked,” I told her, and she leaned up so I could pull the shirt and tank off of her.
“I swear, Jess, your tits get more perfect every damn time I see them.”
Her nipples hardened from my praise. “Those things you were thinking of to wake me this morning,” she said, smiling up at me. “Why don’t you show me?”
I pulled a nipple into my mouth and sucked hard until she grabbed my head and cried out. When I let it go, she was panting and her cheeks were flushed. “I’ll have to take these sweats off in order to show you, because when I was talking about how you tasted I had a specific area in mind.”
Her mouth formed a small O and she trembled underneath me. I was about to show her just how important her happiness was to me. Over and over again.
Chapter Twenty-Three
JESS
Mondays had never been my favorite day of the week, but now I hated them. After spending my weekends with Jason, facing Monday was hard. Especially knowing he had gone back to a world with Johanna in it. I didn’t want to be jealous of her, but I couldn’t help it. Jason Stone had me tied up in knots.
After my morning class, I had time to come home and eat lunch and then work on the things I didn’t get a chance to finish this weekend for the shop. I needed that job, but I hadn’t wanted to give up any of my time with Jason to work. Not when I had an entire week without him to work on it.
Sitting down at the sewing machine, I pushed all thoughts of Jason from my head and tried to concentrate on other things. It was short-lived, however, because the doorbell rang. Momma had gone to run some errands that she had been evasive about, which led me to believe she was messing around with a man and didn’t want me to know about it.
I went to the door and opened it. The cold, hateful glare that I was sure Mrs. Stone only reserved for me met my gaze, and I wished I had looked out the window first. I really needed to start doing that before I opened the door.
“Can I come in?” she asked, raising that one eyebrow as if she was daring me.
I wanted to say no and slam the door in her face. But she was Jason’s mom. I couldn’t exactly do that. Besides, I needed to win this woman over. If that was even possible. “Um, okay, yes.” I stumbled over my words and stepped back to let her inside.