Chapter Fourteen
JESS
The flight home had been lonely. I had tried to close my eyes and sleep, but my heart hurt too much. I hadn’t even told Momma I was on my way home early. But by the time Kane had retrieved my bag from the limo and handed it to me, the front porch light had come on and the door opened.
I thanked Kane and walked away without looking back. I didn’t want to watch the car pull out of my driveway. Even though Jason wasn’t in it, I still felt like it was him leaving.
Momma stood at the door with her arms crossed over her chest, watching me. She was trying to figure it out. When my feet touched the bottom step, the first tear fell.
“Oh, baby,” she said, rushing to meet me and pull me into her arms. “I was afraid of this.” I let her lead me inside and to the sofa, where she held me close, patting my head like a child.
I needed the comfort. I had walked right into this, and I didn’t regret the memories, but I knew I wasn’t ever going to be the same.
“I know this hurts. But remember, he will never forget letting you go. It will be one of his biggest regrets,” she said against my head.
I wanted to smile, because leave it to my momma to believe a rock star’s privileged brother would regret letting me, of all people, go. A mother’s love really was unconditional. “He was kind,” I told her. I didn’t want her to think I was crying because he had been cruel.
“I know. I saw it in his eyes when he came to get you. That’s how I know he’ll regret this.”
I held on to her arms and let all the pain go. She let me cry and didn’t say anything else. My chest felt like it had exploded, but the smell of her soap and perfume was comforting. Finally I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.
* * *
I didn’t leave my house for over a week. I worked on costumes for the club and sat in my room for hours, staring at the walls and remembering. It was ten days after I said good-bye to Jason that my bedroom door swung open and in sauntered Krit. He was the lead singer of the local band, Jackdown. He was also Trish’s little brother. We had grown up together. Trish and my cousin Rock had dated for most of our lives. Then they’d gotten married. Krit was the epitome of a man whore, but he was hard not to love.
“I fucking refuse to sing tonight if you’re not there. Won’t do it. Those motherfuckers can get their rocks off somewhere else. I’m sick of looking for your angel face and not seeing it,” he said as he plopped down on my bed and stretched his legs out in front of him, then put his hands behind his head. “Place is pointless without your sexy ass out there dancing. I don’t have you to make the girls jealous. Who the hell am I supposed to kiss like I’m fucking to drive the women mad if you aren’t there to grab? You’re screwing up my game, love.”
I couldn’t help but smile. I turned my head to look at Krit, who was now lying down beside me. “Did Rock send you?” I asked.
Krit made a mock face of horror. “Rock? Hell no, Rock didn’t send me. When the fucking hell do I do anything Rock tells me to? Never. That’s when. I came because I missed you. I need my tongue-fuck buddy. Come dance and give Green a hard-on. He misses getting one while we’re onstage. You always did it for him. Although, that tongue of yours must remain mine. Besides, Green would come in his damn jeans like a schoolboy if you planted one on him.”
Green was the bass player in Jackdown. Krit loved to harass Green about the one time he and I had gone out in high school when I had broken up with Hank. Green had told me he loved me after one date, and once Krit found out about it, Green never heard the end of it.
“You don’t need me to get women. They throw themselves, their panties, their bras, and anything else they can take off their body legally at you every night,” I reminded him, as if he needed reminding.
“I miss you, though.”
“How much are you getting paid to do this?” I asked teasingly.
“I was hoping to settle up payment with you. A hot fuck in the back room while I’m on break tonight. That always makes me sing better before the next set. Or hell, baby, we can do it here. I’m game,” he replied.
I laughed this time. I knew Rock was behind Krit’s showing up. There was no way Krit had noticed I was missing. He was just trying to make me laugh, and it was working.
“If I stripped naked and crawled on top of you right now, you wouldn’t fuck me, and we both know it, It never ends well for us. We’ve been there, done that,” I told him. We had tried that out when we were younger. It wasn’t that it was bad, because it was actually really good. We were just both so unstable that we couldn’t deal with a relationship. We were just good at the sex part. Then there was my inability back then to get over Hank.