Million Dollar Cowboy (Cupid, Texas #5)(90)

"I'm hungry," he said, drawing her into his embrace. "But not for food."

His mouth found hers and she leaned into his kiss, even as she needed to tear herself away before he destroyed her reason. How easy it would be to let him sweep her away to the bedroom. To make love to him and forget all about her confession.

She forced herself to pull away. "We need to talk."

They stared at each other. Silence stretched between them so taut she could barely stand it. Finally, she dropped her gaze, plunked down on the sofa. Patted the cushion next to her.

"Please sit down," she said more formally than she'd intended. She was building it up, making a bigger deal of it than she should.

His brows knit in concern and he ran a palm along his jaw, but he sat beside her.

"What's on your mind?"

"How is your father?"

"Much better. He should be released from the hospital soon. But that's not what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?"

She shook her head.

They inhaled simultaneously.

"Kaia," he said, "what is it?"

"You'll be leaving then."

He nodded. "I have to go to China."

"For six months."

"That's the plan."

She emptied her lungs in one long exhale out through her mouth. Tell him. Just say it and be done.

"When will I . . ." She swallowed, entranced by his navy blue eyes drilling into her. "When will you be home again?"

"I don't know."

"I see, I see." She bobbed her head like a loony person. God, this was hard. He was going to think she was nutty as a pecan factory once she spilled the story.

His eyes scorched her face. "What did you want to discuss?"

She couldn't hold his gaze, stared down at her hands clasped in her lap. "You sure you don't want a pizza?"

"Whatever you have to tell me, it's going to be okay."

He said that now. Just wait until he heard about the humming.

She cleared her throat, straightened her shoulders, raised her chin, but kept her eyes downcast. Her chest was a vise, squeezing her heart, smashing her lungs. "Here's the deal . . ."

Here's the deal, I'm not sure I know how I'm going to survive six months without you . . .

Here's the deal, I've loved you since I was eight years old, if not before, and always will . . . 

Here's the deal, according to Granny Blue and the humming in my head, you're my soul mate and we're destined to be together . . .

"Kaia," he prompted, placing emphasis on the last syllable of her name.

Just say it!

She wrung every ounce of courage she had in her body, and met his sultry navy eyes that were trained on her and her alone.

Lord help her, he was the most handsome man she'd ever come across. His thick hair was mussed from the morning of bathing dogs and he finger-raked it off his forehead.

"Here's the deal," she blurted, jumping in with both feet. All the way. No lead-up. No soft pedal. No preamble. Moment of truth. This was it. "I love you."

A heavy hush settled over the room. Neither of them breathed.

Ridge did not say a word. He didn't move. Or look away. His gaze frozen on hers. Had he heard her? Had she actually spoken? Was he so stunned he could not respond?

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Her heart stopped beating, or so it seemed. She tried to haul in a breath, but could not. Her lungs simply would not cooperate. She clenched and unclenched her fist, feeling goofy with shame. She wanted to bury her head under the sofa pillow, burrow deep into the upholstery, shrink herself down to the size of a dime, and get lost in cracks between the cushions.

She wanted, she wanted, she wanted . . . Oh God, he was still staring at her, unblinking. Silent. Stony. Ridged. A rock of a name. Ridge.

Her chest vapor locked. Her lips parted, panting, but she didn't have the strength to suck in air. Her head spun, dizzy as the day they'd pulled her from her crumpled car and settled her onto the ambulance gurney.

It was worse than she feared. She'd told him she loved him and he had not reacted. Ohgodohgodohgod. All this time. All the fantasies. It meant nothing. She'd bought into a myth, a fable, a silly lie.

The humming in her head was her imagination. Wish fulfillment. Desperation.

She closed her eyes. Please God, kill me now.

Nothing. No words from him. No movement. No touch. Nothing. She opened her eyes, found him sitting statue still.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

In a rush of words, the legend spilled from her mouth. Granny Blue's tale. The Song of the Soul Mate. The hum she heard whenever his lips touched her. The fact they were destined to be together.

She purged all of it. Held nothing back.

Her hands trembled. Hell, her entire body was trembling. Her heart was a bilge pump dramatically shoving blood through her veins. Hot and swift and hard. When she finished her story, he stayed stock-still.