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Midnight Sun(85)

By:Stephenie Meyer

We took my car. Alice was still on the steps. She grinned and waved as we drove away. I saw that she
had looked ahead for me; we would have no difficulties.
The trip was very short on the dark, empty road. I left off my headlights to keep from attracting
attention. It made me smile to think how Bella would have reacted to this pace. I'd already been driving
slower than usual-to prolong my time with her-when she'd objected.
Carlisle was thinking of Bella, too.
I didn't foresee that she would be so good for him. That's unexpected. Perhaps this was somehow
meant to be. Perhaps it serves a higher purpose. Only... He pictured Bella with snow cold skin and blood
red eyes, and then flinched away from the image.
Yes. Only. Indeed. Because how could there be any good in destroying something so pure and lovely?
I glowered into the night, all the joy of the evening destroyed by his thoughts.
Edward deserves happiness. He's owed it. The fierceness of Carlisle's thoughts surprised me. There must
be a way.
I wished I could believe that-either one. But there was no higher purpose to what was happening to
Bella. Just a vicious harpy, an ugly, bitter fate who could not bear for Bella to have the life she deserved.
I did not linger in Port Angeles. I took Carlisle to the dive where the creature named Lonnie was
drowning his disappointment with his friends-two of whom had already passed out. Carlisle could see
how hard it was for me to be so close-for me to hear the monster's thoughts and see his memories,
memories of Bella mixed in with less
fortunate girls who no one could save now.
My breathing sped. I clenched the steering wheel.
Go, Edward, he told me gently. I'll make the rest of them safe. You go back to Bella.
It was exactly the right thing to say. Her name was the only distraction that could mean anything to me
now.
I left him in the car, and ran back to Forks in a straight line through the sleeping forest. It took less time
than the first journey in the speeding car. It was just minutes later that I scaled the side of her house and
slid her window out of my way.
I sighed silently with relief. Everything was just as it should be. Bella was safe in her bed, dreaming, her
wet hair tangled like seaweed across the pillow.
But, unlike most nights, she was curled into a small ball with the covers stretched taut around her
shoulders. Cold, I guessed. Before I could settle into my usual seat, she shivered in her sleep, and her lips
trembled.
I thought for a brief moment, and then I eased out into the hallway, exploring another part of her house
for the first time.
Charlie's snores were loud and even. I could almost catch the edge of his dream.
Something with the rush of water and patient expectation...fishing, maybe?
There, at the top of the stairs, was a promising looking cupboard. I opened it hopefully, and found what I
was looking for. I selected the thickest blanket from the tiny linen closet, and took it back into her room.
I would return it before she woke, and no one would be the wiser.
Holding my breath, I cautiously spread the blanket over her; she didn't react to the added weight. I
returned to the rocking chair.
While I waited anxiously for her to warm up, I thought of Carlisle, wondering where he was now. I knew
his plan would go smoothly-Alice had seen that.
Thinking of my father made me sigh-Carlisle gave me too much credit. I wished I was the person he
thought me to be. That person, the one who deserved happiness, might hope to be worthy of this
sleeping girl. How different things would be if I could be that Edward.
As I pondered this, a strange, uncalled image filled my head.
For one moment, the hag-faced fate I'd imagined, the one who sought Bella's destruction, was replaced
by the most foolish and reckless of angels. A guardian angel-something Carlisle's version of me might
have had. With a heedless smile on her lips, her sky-colored eyes full of mischief, the angel formed Bella
in such a fashion that there was no way that I could possibly overlook her. A ridiculously potent scent to
demand my attention, a silent mind to enflame my curiosity, a quiet beauty to hold my eyes, a selfless
soul to earn my awe. Leave out the natural sense of self-preservation-so that Bella could bear to be near
me-and, finally, add a wide streak of appallingly bad luck.
With a careless laugh, the irresponsible angel propelled her fragile creation directly into my path,
trusting blithely in my flawed morality to keep Bella alive.
In this vision, I was not Bella's sentence; she was my reward.
I shook my head at the fantasy of the unthinking angel. She was not much better than the harpy. I could
not think well of a higher power that would behave in such a dangerous and stupid manner. At least the
ugly fate I could fight against.
And I had no angel. They were reserved for the good-for people like Bella. So where was her angel
through all this? Who was watching over her?
I laughed silently, startled, as I realized that, just now, I was filling that role.