Midnight Sun(75)

I wanted something, someone, to be responsible for this-so that I would have something concrete to
fight against. Something, anything to destroy, so that Bella could be safe.
Bella was very quiet; her breathing had accelerated.
I looked up at her, knowing I would finally see the fear I was waiting for. Had I not just admitted how
close I'd been to killing her? Closer than the van that had come within slim inches of crushing her. And
yet, her face was still calm, her eyes still tightened only with concern.
"You remember?" She had to remember that.
"Yes," she said, her voice level and grave. Her deep eyes were full of awareness. She knew. She knew
that I had wanted to murder her.
Where were the screams?
"And yet here you sit," I said, pointing out the inherent contradiction.
"Yes, here I sit...because of you." Her expression altered, turned curious, as she unsubtly changed the
subject. "Because somehow you knew how to find me today...?"
Hopelessly, I pushed one more time at the barrier that protected her thoughts, desperate to
understand. It made no logical sense to me. How could she even care about the rest with that glaring
truth on the table?
She waited, only curious. Her skin was pale, which was natural for her, but it still concerned me. Her
dinner sat nearly untouched in front of her. If I continued to tell her too much, she was going to need a
buffer when the shock wore off.
I named my terms. "You eat, I'll talk."
She processed that for half a second, and then threw a bite in her mouth with a speed that belied her
calm. She was more anxious for my answer than her eyes let on.
"It's harder than it should be-keeping track of you," I told her. "Usually I can find someone very easily,
once I've heard their mind before."
I watched her face carefully as I said this. Guessing right was one thing, having it confirmed was another.
She was motionless, her eyes wide. I felt my teeth clench together as I waited for her panic. But she just
blinked once, swallowed loudly, and then quickly scooped another bite into her mouth. She wanted me
to continue.
"I was keeping tabs on Jessica," I went on, watching each word as it sank in. "Not carefully-like I said,
only you could find trouble in Port Angeles-" I couldn't resist adding that. Did she realize that other
human lives were not so plagued with near death experiences, or did she think she was normal? She
was the furthest thing from normal I'd ever encountered. "And at first I didn't notice when you took off
on your own. Then, when I realized that you weren't with her anymore, I went looking for you at the
bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadn't gone in, and that you'd gone south...and I knew
you would have to turn around soon. So I was just waiting for you, randomly searching through the
thoughts of people on the street-to see if anyone had noticed you so I would know where you were. I
had no reason to be worried...but I was strangely anxious..." My breath came faster as I remembered#p#分页标题#e#
that feeling of panic. Her scent blazed in my throat and I was glad. It was a pain that meant she was
alive. As long as I burned, she was safe.
"I started to drive in circles, still...listening." I hoped the word made sense to her. This had to be
confusing. "The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out, and follow you on foot. And then-"
As the memory took me-perfectly clear and as vivid as if I was in the moment again-I felt the same
murderous fury wash through my body, locking it into ice.
I wanted him dead. I needed him dead. My jaw clenched tight as I concentrated on holding myself here
at the table. Bella still needed me. That was what mattered.
"Then what?" she whispered, her dark eyes wide.
"I heard what they were thinking," I said through my teeth, unable to keep the words from coming out
in a growl. "I saw your face in his mind."
I could hardly resist the urge to kill. I still knew precisely where to find him. His black thoughts sucked at
the night sky, pulling me toward them...
I covered my face, knowing my expression was that of a monster, a hunter, a killer. I fixed her image
behind my closed eyes to control myself, focusing only on her face. The delicate framework of her
bones, the thin sheath of her pale skin-like silk stretched over glass, incredibly soft and easy to shatter.
She was too vulnerable for this world. She needed a protector. And, through some twisted
mismanagement of destiny, I was the closest thing available.
I tried to explain my violent reaction so that she would understand.
"It was very...hard-you can't imagine how hard-for me to simply take you away, and leave them...alive,"
I whispered. "I could have let you go with Jessica and Angela, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I
would go looking for them."