Asher stands alongside me behind the baptismal font as every last one of my siblings watch on from the pews. I made them all godparents, figuring it may take a village to supervise this little girl the way my life has been going, so the pastor suggested only the two of us stand up front for the actual christening. Asher didn't bat an eye at the idea, and it actually scared me half to death. He's officially becoming an integral part of my daughter's life. We all have so much to lose if we can't find a way to repair the future I threw away.
After the service, we all meet in Brooklyn Heights at Leona's for another catered meal on the rooftop before the bar opens to the public. It's an entirely different experience from the last time as summer's in full swing, all five of my brothers and sisters are accounted for, and my nieces and nephews are everywhere like a colony of ants.
Lately I've been a complete mess, often crying myself to sleep at night while Anna peacefully snores at my side. The emotional ups and downs since becoming pregnant with her have begun to wear me down. It feels like I'm pushing my luck with Asher, and I'm terrified I'll somehow ruin everything. Seeing the man I love along with my entire family gathered to celebrate my daughter's life proves to be a push over the edge of sanity.
After brunch, while Braden's holding Anna, Katie stands by with a watchful eye as their twin girls fuss over their new little cousin. Knowing everyone else is distracted, I slip away to the bathroom. Somehow I make it behind the stall door before I let loose, spilling tears all over the lovely pink dress Sharlo and Evelyn created for the occasion. Being as sweet as they are, they designed my daughter's christening dress using the same material as the sash around my waist.
As I stare down on the trendy maxi dress, my lungs burn for air. I can picture them doing something just as thoughtful with a wedding gown. Something I'll probably never have. I'll be single when Anna gets married with her "Uncle Asher" giving her away.
With that thought, I completely lose my shit.
"Angie?" I hear a woman's voice call out over my blubbering. "Sweetie, what's going on in there?"
Since I didn't think to lock the stall before I fell apart, Katie's able to push her way right in. She throws me a weak smile while offering a deep sigh. "The crazy hormone thing is a bitch to deal with when you're nursing. Believe me, I get it. But what in the actual hell are you doing in here? Today's the kind of day you should be happy! Everyone's up there, celebrating your beautiful little girl!"
"Except I screwed up royally," I say as she's handing me a square of toilet paper. "This is not how I wanted my life to go. I should be married to Asher and having his babies. I threw that all away because I thought having a successful career would make me happy!"
"First of all, you're not the only one who didn't have a picture-perfect start at motherhood. I got knocked up by the biggest idiot in the state of New York, and Shar wasn't even dating your brother when she found out she was carrying the first baby they lost. I was a hot mess at first because I was only a teenager, and Shar wasn't exactly on board at first with the idea of becoming a mother. And secondly, you didn't throw anything away. If that were true, Asher wouldn't still be sticking around, proudly showing your daughter off like she's his. You still have a chance to make this right. From what your sisters tell me, he's waiting on you to make the choice to be with him."
"I've already chosen him. The first time I saw him with Anna, I knew then and there that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him."
Her lips purse with a grin. "Have you told him that?"
My mind runs over the small handful of conversations we've had since Anna was born. I've been careful not to push any boundaries he's set, and I haven't brought up anything about our relationship. I meet her amused expression, wincing. "No."
"My dear, sweet sister-in-law … men are a lot of things, but they're sure as hell not mind readers. Sometimes you have to be direct with them, like you're speaking to a small child." She pushes the door open, eyes narrowed on me. "Clean yourself up and wait here."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm bringing him down."
Panic rises in my throat when I glance at my tear-soaked dress. "You expect me to talk to him about this now?"
"Life is short." She tosses me a wink. "It's as good a time as any."
The moment she's gone I run to the sink and splash water on my face, dabbing it with paper towels. The need for a pill ricochets through my core as I stare back at my wide-eyed reflection. I quickly replace the craving with the image of Asher holding Anna minutes ago, reminding myself I'll never give in to my addiction again because of them.
Minutes later, there's a soft knock on the door before it swings open. My legs threaten to buckle when Asher steps into the women's bathroom, his massive frame making the area seem impossibly small. In a gray suit, white dress shirt, and pink tie, he's model-perfect. His hair has grown out since I left Miami, and I've been dying to slip my fingers through the dark waves.
"Katie told me she's guarding the stairway to the rooftop." The small smirk on his lips fades, and the grave expression in his eyes shoots shivers down to my toes. "You been crying?"
I lift one shoulder, voice breaking. "It hit me hard today how badly I messed up with you."
His jaw hardens and he lifts his chin, silently waiting for me to continue. Hot tears tumble down my cheeks as I gaze into his dark eyes, hopeful for the slightest glimmer of forgiveness.
"You've been nothing but kind and gentle with my daughter from the beginning." I take a few timid steps toward him, wanting to be close, but more scared than I've ever been in my life. "You should hate us both, but you're too good of a man. You're a bigger person than I'll ever be for leaving everything behind in Miami to be with us. You'll never know how grateful you've made me. Seeing the way you look at her, watching you cuddle her like she's your own … it's more than my heart can take." My trembling fingers wrap around his warm, gorgeous face. "Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life. If you'll take me back, I promise to love you with everything I have. I'm so deeply in love with you … I can't imagine a future without you in it. And I know I don't have the right to ask you this, but Anna would be the luckiest girl in the world if you'd officially become her father."
A gasp wrenches from my throat when he wraps one arm around my waist, lifting the other to twist his fingers in my hair. He towers over me, a pillar of strength and love, eyes glistening. I wasn't expecting this kind of reaction. I imagined he'd say he needed time before storming out. I expected him to yell, or even throw things.
I hold my breath as his lips lower to the same level as mine, slanted with one of his little smirks. "Thought you'd never ask. I've been telling her every damn day since she was born that I hope to be her daddy one day."
He absorbs my next gasp with his mouth, kissing me unrelentingly hard. Time stands still as our tongues tangle, lips moving in sync, quiet moans sticking to our throats. My heart pounds furiously as I cling to his warm body, feeling his love with every last cell in my body. The throb between my legs becomes too severe to withstand any longer as his hands explore my body, caressing my exposed skin and erupting shivers everywhere.
"I love you, Angelina Kendall," he rasps with his lips pressed to my ear. "I'm going to marry your sexy ass, and we're going to raise that beautiful little girl together … give her a house full of brothers and sisters."
His fingertips nudge each of the straps on my dress downward, making room for his hot mouth and tongue to slide along my collarbone. I twist my fingers through his thick hair as he licks and sucks my skin, leaving a searing trail all the way down to a breast. When he cups his hand around the other one, brushing the nipple with his thumb, I drop my head back and moan.
I've missed everything about him, from his powerful mouth to the thick cock beneath his trousers, rubbing against my center. My underwear's so wet that I'll combust into a million pieces if I don't feel him inside me soon.
"Ash, please," I beg, palming his erection. "Baby, I need you so bad it hurts."
"You sure you're ready?"
"God, yes."
With a guttural groan, he pulls me up into his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist. Then he's kissing me deeper and harder than before, pushing me up against the sink as I fumble with the belt on his pants. His fingers trail up beneath the skirt of my dress, finding my underwear and yanking it down to my knees.
His hands leave my body as I'm freeing his cock. It's as red and strained as I've ever seen. There's a rustle of a wrapper before he's fisting it and covering it with a rubber. I don't know how long he's been carrying a condom around, but I'm tickled to discover he was prepared. As badly as I want to have his children one day, there's no way I'm raising another baby so soon after having Anna.