The past several months without Angie have been hellacious. I've done everything I can to forget her aside from sleeping with other women. Becoming involved in my community-volunteering with homeless kids, starting a new job, hanging out regularly with a few guys from the gym, attending local festivals-nothing could stop my mind from wandering, wondering how she's adjusting in New York.
Knowing she's getting ready to raise a kid on her own has played havoc on my conscience. If it had been mine, I would like to think I wouldn't have hesitated to be there for her. Still don't know that I could've taken her back that easily. At the very least, I would've done what I could to help her both physically and financially.
Regardless, the instinct to be at her side has been overwhelming. I know it was shitty of me to ditch her after discovering the baby was Theo's. It wasn't so much the fact that the baby's his, or that she lied to me when she said she was done sleeping with him. It's the reality that she didn't love me enough to choose us over her career. But then asking that of her makes me the selfish one. I'm starting to think there isn't room in an actor's life for relationships that matter.
When Sharlo called to let me know Angie went into labor, a need to be with her took over, regardless of any remaining doubts. I knew without question that I didn't want her to go through this alone, even if it means sucking it up and watching Theo welcome his child into the world. Although I've seen reports from gossip mags that suggest they're no longer together, I never bothered reading them, and I asked her family not to go into the details of their relationship. It's painful enough admitting he's the one who got her pregnant.
When I told James I was coming, he arranged to have a car pick me up at the airport and deliver me to the hospital. I've just crawled into the car when he texts to let me know Angie's pushing. Once I'm jogging down the same damn wing as the one Evelyn was in when she had Olivia, a crippling feeling of déjà vu almost stops me dead in my tracks.
That was the night I told Angie I loved her. I'd still move the moon and the stars for that woman, even if it meant I first had to walk over the coals of Hell. She admitted to me before going into treatment that she was full of regrets, and I am too. I should've forgiven her sooner. I shouldn't have made her go through recovery for this long on her own.
Evelyn appears from around a corner, beaming from ear-to-ear while rushing at me for a hug. "Ash! You're just in time! I was just heading down to the cafeteria!"
"Is the baby here? Is she okay?"
She pulls back with the same bright smile still fixed on her lips. "Baby's here, and they're both doing great! I'll take you in to see them."
I swallow hard, mentally bracing myself while following her to the room. Through the little window on the door, the early glow of dawn spilling through the outside windows reveals Sharlo and Sofia with their backs to me, blocking my view of the hospital bed. I stop Evelyn before she opens the door.
"Where's Theo?" I whisper.
"Didn't Angie tell you?" Her eyebrows draw down. "He's not coming, Ash. He terminated his rights to the baby months ago."
My stomach drops. Falling back against the wall, I drop my backpack on the floor to run my shaking hand through my hair the way I've been doing since getting on the plane. Why wouldn't she tell me he gave up his rights? Did she want me to believe they were still together so I'd leave her alone? She didn't call me again after relaying the results of the paternity test. The few times I attempted to reach out to her, she was irritatingly cordial.
Knowing Theo doesn't want anything to do with his child changes everything. If she'll take me back, we could have a chance at being happy without having to worry about shared time between here and Miami. We could be a real family. If only …
Evelyn touches my arm. "You okay?"
"Yeah … I just need a minute."
"Take your time. I'll grab Shar and Sof to give you guys some privacy." She squeezes my shoulder, then lets go and starts for the room.
"Wait!" I meet her confused stare when she spins around, feeling as conflicted as ever. "All this time … she's been on her own?"
"Not even close." The corners of Evelyn's mouth spread with a deep smile. "One of us has been with her every day since she moved up here. Sometimes all of us go to visit her at the same time, including our husbands and children. None of this has been easy for Angie, but at least she hasn't done it alone. Moving here to be closer to her family was the best decision she's ever made … for her and the baby."
When she disappears into the room, I bend over, setting my hands on my knees. My heart pounds hard enough to shake my entire body. I can't afford to fuck this up.
Within minutes, the three women are standing with me in the hallway. For some damn reason, my eyes burn with the sight of them. They're each breath-taking in their own way, but knowing they've been Angie's rock the past few months when I wasn't there is what makes it difficult to breathe as I take in their beautiful faces.
"There you are, love!" Sharlo throws her arms around my neck, kissing my cheek before going in for a hug. "By god you've bulked up even more since you were last here! James may finally have his biggest contender!"
I kiss the side of her head, squeezing her. "Good to see you."
Sofia takes her turn hugging me before Sharlo strokes one of my arms. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"
With a wavering smile, I shake my head. "Not especially."
"The fact you're here means the world to her," Sofia tells me, her bright blue eyes filled with kindness. "Whatever your intentions are, be patient. She was in labor all night, and just spent an hour pushing a little human into this world. She'll be crashing soon from exhaustion."
"Noted." I eye each one of them while wetting my lips. "Thank you for helping her through this. I should've gotten my head out of my ass months ago to pay her a visit."
Evelyn appears to be fighting back either a giant smile or a squeal. "After what you've been through? Everyone gets why you needed time."
"You're most welcome." Sharlo's lips press against my jaw. "We'll be in the waiting room if you need anything."
I watch them scurry down the hallway, whispering and giggling the entire way. I appreciate the way they held back, even though I could sense they were ready to grill me about my plans. Truth is, I don't know what will happen at this point. Depending on Angie's reaction, it could go either way.
Blowing out a slow breath and collecting my backpack off the floor, I briefly knock on the door before pushing inside. Among the smell of hospital and fresh flowers, I'm able to pick up on Angie's familiar scent before she comes into view.
I'm almost knocked over by the force of my heart jumping into my throat.
Even with rounder cheeks, naturally blond hair in some crazy bun-thing on top of her head, and an ugly-ass hospital gown, she's the most beautiful woman in the world. The puffy spots beneath her eyes tell the story of a long night laced with pain, but the twinkle in her gaze attests to the joy of becoming a mother.
Her lips quiver with a smile. "Ash."
I stop myself from running to her when my eyes fall onto the swaddled bundle in her arms. All I can see from where I stand is a little pink hat.
Angie has a daughter.
A little girl that will one day be as beautiful as her momma.
I love this baby already, and I haven't seen her face.
A thick knot sticks in my throat. What if Angie decides she doesn't want me in her life anymore? I can't afford to become too attached.
I'm barely able to choke out, "Congratulations."
"Do you want to … hold her?" From her wounded expression and the uncertainty in her voice, I'm certain she's misreading my hesitation.
Too bad simply confessing that I'm still in love with her wouldn't make everything okay.
I drop my bag before going to her and taking the baby. Although she's lighter than I expected, I feel the weight of the world when her little eyelids flutter open, and she makes the kind of noise only babies can make. My eyes burn as I watch her twist and turn before lifting a little fist in the air and yawning. It's easily the most adorable thing I've ever witnessed.
"Does she have a name?"
Angie doesn't answer. I look up to find her watching me a hand held over her mouth, tears streaking her cheeks, shoulders quivering. Every muscle in my body burns with the need to console her when she shakes her head, yet I hesitate.
Holding the baby out between us, I lick my dry lips. "If it's too much for me to be here right now, I can-"
"Please don't go!" she blurts in a trembling voice. With a quiet laugh, she wipes at her face. "I mean, I know I have no right asking you that after everything. I don't deserve your forgiveness. Having you here … seeing you hold her … it's more than I could've hoped for."