As much as I hate asking Asher to keep our relationship under wraps, I'm terrified of what will happen if our fans were to discover I left Theo. The studio has made it clear I'm replaceable if ratings were to drop. Without Vampire's Kiss, I would have nothing.
Doesn't matter anyway. Asher deserves someone who has their shit together. I can't ask him to sacrifice a normal life in order to follow me around for however long, especially if I have nothing to give him in return.
But the magical things he does to my heart and soul … holy hell. It's a thousand times better than having diehard fans jumping up and down, screaming my name with tears in their eyes. How can I possibly let go of that feeling?
Then again, who's to say he won't leave me for a younger woman the way John did? I won't stay this beautiful and young forever.
"I have to get something from my purse," I tell Sharlo, starting for the other room.
My hands tremble as I take my handbag off the hook to dig for my benzos. I've been hiding them in a side compartment rather than a prescription bottle that Asher could easily spot. I throw two into my mouth and almost choke on them with the sound of my name. I drop my designer bag and the contents scatter all over the wood floor.
Asher kneels at my side. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
Panic tightens my throat as I wave him off. "It's okay! I've got it!"
He snags one of the pills, holding it up between us. "What are these?"
"My anxiety meds." Scowling, I take it from him and collect the rest. "Like I told you, I have a prescription."
He rises back up to his feet, watching me with narrowed eyes. "Were you taking one just now? How many have you had today?"
"I'm not abusing them, if that's what you're asking."
Thick fingers wrap around my wrist. "I don't want to worry whether or not you need your stomach pumped again. I care about you too fucking much to let that happen. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
The intensity behind his gaze knocks my breath from my lungs. I stare back at him for a minute, able to feel just how much he cares. While a part of me celebrates, I can't help wondering if we've taken things too far. There isn't room in my life for a legitimate relationship.
I carefully remove his fingers from my wrist, squeezing them for a brief second before releasing them. "I'm fine, I swear. Please don't get upset over something that isn't a problem."
With a glance over his shoulder to the kitchen entrance, he turns to plant a soft kiss on my lips before bending to pick up the rest of my things.
I'd never been to the rooftop of my brother-in-law's bar, but it's something straight off the set of a romantic film. Old-world brick columns tastefully crumbling with decay, white lightbulbs crisscrossing overhead, and a long table set for at least twenty decorated with fresh-cut gardenias aren't even the start of what makes it so amazing. The spectacular view of the sun setting over Manhattan stirs something so deep that for the first time I'm truly able to appreciate why so many of my siblings decided to settle here.
Luckily the weather turned out to be mild for September, making a night outside with a light sweater and the blazer loaned to me by Sharlo ideal. While the others are busy catching up with Asher over drinks behind me, I lean over the railing and take the cityscape in, wondering if I'd be happy in New York. As much as I love the ocean, there's no beating the scene playing out before my eyes.
Sofia steps in beside me, wistfully gazing at the twinkling city. "It's amazing, huh?"
"I've never seen anything like it," I admit before sipping from my glass of wine. "I finally understand what the fuss is all about."
She turns to face me, grinning. Her eyes sparkle from the lights over our heads, and her skin glows with a radiant tan. I always thought she was the prettiest of us three girls, and she's only become prettier with age. "You look great, Ang. Still not used to seeing you as a brunette like Ev, but it somehow makes you even more elegant. Didn't think such a thing was possible."
"Like you should talk." I click my tongue, motioning to her fit body. "As amazing as you look, it's hard to believe you're the mother of a baby."
And not only that, she's changed in countless other ways since meeting Nolan. She's not as uptight or into expensive labels, which is ironic considering she married into one of the richest families in the city. Hair braided off to the side, v-neck gray sweater over a long-sleeved dress shirt, and navy jeans with boots, she's relaxed as ever while still being classy.
"You wouldn't say that if you saw me in a bathing suit." We both laugh.
My eyes pass down to the oversized glass of chardonnay in my hand. "It blows my mind that almost all of my brothers and sisters are parents now. I'm still trying to figure out when we became adults."
"I know what you mean. Sometimes I still think I'm too young to be making decisions for another little human. Just you wait-being a mother is a real trip."
"I don't know that I'll ever be one." Looking back at her, I shrug. "Not sure I want kids."
Her eyebrows shoot up. "Seriously?"
I let out a sigh, hating that I have to defend myself. "I know some actresses pull it off, but I don't want to bring a child into this world only to have someone raise it for me while I'm working twelve-hour days. What's the point of having a family if you can't spend quality time with them?"
"What does Theo have to say about that? Does he want kids?"
"Theo and I aren't serious." The mere mention of his name triggers my eyes to roll. Since I started fooling around with Asher, I've seen even less of Theo outside of the set. We only meet up for public engagements. "Like at all."
Sofia tilts her head like I'm speaking in a foreign tongue. "I don't get it. You started seeing each other last Christmas, right? That's a long time. Do you love him?"
"God, no! It's just a … uh … publicity stunt."
Lifting her wine glass to her dark red lips, she grins wickedly behind the rim. "So does that mean Asher has a chance?"
My heart skips a beat as I laugh lightly. "Why would you ask that?"
"He's only been watching you all night with the kind of dopey eyes guys get when they're hopelessly in love."
Turning back to the others, I catch Asher glancing our way. Weird things happen inside my chest when our eyes connect, and his lips quirk with a deep smile. Sofia's right-there's something in the way he's looking at me that makes it difficult to breathe normally.
It's been a challenge to basically ignore him after everything that went down on the jet. It's not just that I feel safe whenever he's close … he understands me, and wants what's best for me over his own needs. Simply looking at him, remembering what those thick lips can do, is a constant turn-on that I'm never able to ignore.
Clutching my glass a little tighter, I turn back to my sister. "He's just used to watching my every move." I try to laugh again, but it sounds fake as hell. "You're imagining things, Sof."
"I don't think so. But whatever you do, be careful. Guys like him have hearts of gold that can easily be broken. There's a reason he's tight with James-they're a lot alike." All at once appearing nostalgic, she reaches out to take my free hand in hers, squeezing it tightly. "I miss you so much, Ang. I wish your schedule wasn't so crazy so you could come up more often and visit. There's so much in the city I want to show you, and I'd love it if Lexie could get to know her other auntie better."
"I'd love that too! I'll have a good chunk of time off after we finish filming the current season in February. There'll still be occasional obligations, but I'm sure I'll have at least a solid week or two free."
"Awesome. I'm holding you to it." Her arms wrap around me. "I love you, sis. Always know you're welcome to stay with us as long as you want."
"I love you, too," I reply, squeezing her back.
Nolan steps in as we're parting. "They're getting ready to serve us."
Just as Evelyn hit the jackpot with Charlie, Sofia was fortunate to have found the dimpled millionaire who would do anything for the woman he loves. Dark eyes, dark hair and beard, as well as a background as a Marine and jiu-jitsu fighter make him handsome in a rugged way, but he's dressed as classy as his wife in a sports jacket and khakis custom-made to fit his broad frame. Above all, I'm grateful for his easy-going mannerism. He was the first one to show Sofia how to relax and have fun with life. If they hadn't met, it's possible she would've worked herself to death.
"Thank you for putting this together," I say, touching his shoulder.
"We're just happy you were able to make time for a visit." He leans in to kiss my cheek, filling me with the crisp scent of sandalwood. "Now let's eat! I'm starved!"
The five course dinner goes well beyond my expectations. I end up sitting diagonally from Asher, and catch myself staring at him too often. The way the candlelight illuminates his face as he laughs and carries on with my brother the way they had as kids, I grow increasingly eager to ditch my family and check into our hotel for the night.