“Thanks, uh, come in and I’ll put a pot of coffee on.”
Chapter Five
Clara
The coffeemaker starts gurgling and spitting out the aromatic blend I bought on a whim, and I’m suddenly glad I splurged so I wouldn’t have to offer him the cheap brand I usually buy.
I run my hands over my arms as I watch the coffee brew. I don’t think he meant to scare me, but I feel a lot more nervous now than I did in the car.
He’s going to push his luck before he leaves here tonight, I just know it.
I also know I’ll be disappointed if he doesn’t. I’ve thought of nothing since dinner except kissing Miah and finally finding out if his lips are as soft and smooth as they look.
Now I’m also thinking about that damned package sitting in the entryway and the fact that Nick knows where I live and that my darn windows aren’t secure.
“It’s done. I’ve jammed the latches closed and lined those cat figurines of yours along all the sills. It should do till Jared can sort you out,” he says, strolling into the kitchen and leaning against the counter beside me with his front turned my way.
Why oh why does he have to smell this good?
“Thanks, uh, here’s your coffee.”
I pour him a cup and grab my own before sitting on the only single seat in my living room. His smirk and knowing look make my cheeks heat, but instead of looking down as I usually would, I force myself to meet his eyes and keep our stares locked.
“You’re nervous, Clari,” he drawls, leaning back against the sofa with an arm slung across the back and one foot propped on my coffee table.
The move is so male and casual, I can’t help admiring his ease and the little slice of skin revealed when his shirt rises up.
“Yes. I’m not used to having men in my home.”
“Technically, that’s not true. You were in a relationship for six years, after all,” he muses, smiling.
“That’s not what I meant,” I argue, feeling my cheeks heat more.
“Then what did you mean, Clari? Did you mean to say that you’re not used to having a man you’re attracted to in your home? Or is it that you’re afraid to have me here when you know that fighting this thing between us is hopeless?”
“I don’t want a relationship, Miah, and I want a fling even less.”
His smile falls and his eyes narrow in that way that makes me feel intimidated and wanted at the same time. It’s weird and unsettling.
“Why no relationship? No, Clari, no back talk and half answers, please, just answer me. Why no relationships?” he insists, sitting forward in his seat.
“Because I don’t want the whole white picket fence and the million babies, okay? I just want…I want to do my job and have my own life without being looked at like I’m a piece of property who just so happens to have a uterus attached.”
He looks at me quizzically before his mouth twitches into a smile that shows teeth and two dimples that make my breath catch.
“No kids, Clari?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. Maybe one day, if the urge strikes and I suddenly feel the need to lose sleep, my figure, and half my mind,” I say, shaking my head and looking away. “I don’t want to look back at my life and resent a kid for all the things I missed doing. Not that that’s a possibility right now, anyway, because unless you haven’t noticed, my life’s about as exciting as a dead log covered in termites.”
Sometimes I have the ability to lie to myself just so I don’t feel shitty, but right now, tonight, all I feel is depressed and really drained by it all.
I’m single and yet I have about as much drive to go into the dating scene as Ellie has to give birth to an eight-pound baby.
“Clari, babe, your life is just fine as it is. Okay, with a few changes down the road, since I can’t see you living here indefinitely no matter how much security Jared wires this place with…my point is, you’re fine. Or you will be since I intend to catch you and start showing you a good time.”
“Didn’t you just hear what I said? I may never want children, Miah, so starting anything with me is not a good idea.”
God, is it possible for those dimples to go any deeper?
“That’s great, actually, since I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t mind having you all to myself for the foreseeable future.”
His eyes have gone this weird smoky blue and I swear he just licked his lips and growled a little when I sighed.
“You don’t want kids?”
“Dunno, babe. Maybe ten years from now I’ll change my mind and have a small hankering to be a father, but I’m pretty sure I’d get over it without much trouble. They’re great and all, but I’m a cop. I don’t want my innocent children living in this messed-up world, and if I did, you can bet your ass I’d buy an island and keep them there till they’re forty and savvy enough not to get hurt.”