He hooked his hands around his hips and drew in a deep breath. Saying goodbye to Layna… how the fuck was he going to do that?
He had it bad for the foul-mouthed cougar. He’d never believed in love at first sight. Not until he walked into Lake Have Lodge all those years ago and saw his future wife managing the front desk.
She was for him, no question. It was a feeling in his gut he couldn’t ignore. The cats called it instinct, and even though he was human as fuck, he felt it.
Ryan pulled out his phone and unlocked the screen. A picture of Layna filled the space. He’d been looking at it a lot lately. Practically every five minutes as he was packing. It helped settle his resolve. He was leaving for her as much as himself.
Staring at the screen, his ass hit the edge of the bed and the air eased out of his lungs. She was chest-achingly beautiful with her dark Native features, eyes that were the green of river moss, and thick hair that hung past her ass. Her mouth always drew his attention, the way her lower lip was full and pouty, even when she was smiling like she was when he’d snuck this shot in. He wanted it for the times when he and Renner’s crew went on the road. So he could feel closer to her even when he was away. If she knew he had this in his phone, she’d lay into him good. And not in the way he wanted.
He’d never taken another woman to bed as long as he’d been part of the clan. It didn’t seem right to, considering what a sensitive topic it was for the cats. Sure, others did. Mason, for one, had a different woman every night. Like he was trying to work his way through the world’s female population. The guy was a living breathing fuck marathon.
It was different for Ryan, though. He didn’t want to be with anyone besides Layna. Even if she’d shut him down soundly in the beginning. But the nights were lonely, and sometimes he’d pull this picture up and stare at it until he fell asleep, scheming and planning for a future with her that she didn’t want.
He’d asked her out. On a legitimate date. Because he’d wanted to do things right with her. He was going to take her to dinner at that fancy restaurant in Little Rock and then ring in the New Year drinking champagne under the stars from the bed of his pickup truck. He’d kiss her at midnight and take her home and hope she’d say yes when he asked her out the next time.
But they didn’t get that far.
She’d stuttered out a, “You’re human. What would a human know about making a cougar happy?” And then got busy answering phones before he could come up with a response.
He’d licked his wounds for a week and then got to work learning all he could about her kind. He couldn’t regret that time. It brought him closer to the clan, and gave him friendships he’d keep for life.
It was June before Ryan asked her again. They’d grown closer over the months and he’d felt like he was truly one of them. Like they’d accepted him. Like he was part of their family. He’d formed a successful construction firm with her brother and had established himself. Proven he wasn’t going anywhere, and wasn’t giving up on her.
That time, he’d gotten the nerve in the dining room after dinner. Everyone else had left to settle in for the night, but he and Layna stayed, laughing about Mrs. Markel and the quirky stories she liked to regale them with every time she came for a visit at the lodge. The woman was as spunky as the day she was born. Of that, Ryan was sure.
When their laughter died down and Layna continued smiling at him, he thought he’d done it. What could a human know about making a cougar happy? Well, he must have figured it out because she was grinning from ear to ear, those beautiful eyes shining like stars in the dark.
And full of hope, he’d asked.
But it was the wrong thing to do, because he lost her smile to the moment and her eyes dulled to nothing before looking away.
“I can’t,” she’d said.
He knew about the no mating pact the cats followed, but he was only asking for a date. One day at a time. And besides, Renner had mated Ryan’s sister, so there were exceptions.
“If it’s the pact—”
“It’s you,” she blurted. “You need to learn what the word no means.”
Her words were a slap to the cheek, stunning him until he could eventually draw in a breath. He knew what no meant. Was that what this was?
Somehow he made his voice level. “You didn’t say no.” If she had, he would’ve stayed away.
She finally looked at him, and he knew there was more to her denial. “I’m not meant to be with a human.”
A human. So she saw him as lesser. That’s what this was really about.
But he wasn’t lower than the cats. He’d fight for her just as hard as any shifter would. He was badass enough to protect her like she deserved. And he could be even stronger if he tried. If this was a matter of proving himself worthy of her like some animal in the wild competing for the right to mate, he could win her.