So many emotions crashed around inside Layna but none of them managed to make it to the surface past her shock.
“What?” Her breath stalled. Her toes went numb and it had nothing to do with the cold.
He was leaving. For good. He was quitting them. Quitting… everything he and Renner had worked to build for the past four years. He was just going to go and not look back? Now that she was free, he wasn’t even going to try? And forget their bond, it hadn’t had time to solidify yet. But what about her brother? Renner must be taking it hard. And the rest of the clan? Owyn. Mason. He and Ryan were thick as thieves.
Him leaving was going to tear a hole right through them. Just like when another of their clan, Tana, left to live with the Dirt Track Dogs. Owyn was her brother from another mother. He still hadn’t recovered from that loss, and made many a trip west to visit her.
Bethany nodded as they approached the door guards. They’d be the next group let in, but Layna just wanted to get home.
“Yeah. He wants out. I don’t know why. I’m sure he has his reasons though, and I want him happy.”
Layna understood Beth wanting the best for her brother. She felt the same about her own. A kernel of anger bloomed in the center of her chest.
“What about Renner? How’s he taking this?”
Beth tipped her head. “Disappointed for sure.”
“Disappointed.” Layna huffed out an ironic laugh. “Yeah, I guess he would be. With his partner flaking out on him and leaving him with all the work at the busiest time of the season.”
Bethany frowned. “But he still has Owyn and Clara on his crew. They can handle the extra work, right?”
Layna glanced at Clara. She was small, and Layna never understood why Magic had put her to work on Renner’s crew in the first place. Could she really be much help? Then again, she’d survived on her own in the woods for six years, so maybe this was a don’t judge a book by the cover scenario.
But it didn’t matter how much Clara could help. Whether they wanted to see it or not, Ryan was needed at the lodge. He was a vital member of their clan. There wasn’t a cat around that didn’t love him. And as the only human male, he was necessary for helping the others keep their cool in times of stress.
The clan needed Ryan. They did.
Or… maybe she just did.
Her stomach tumbled out of control until she had to grit her teeth to keep from hurling the peppermint coffee she’d had earlier.
There was no maybe about it. She needed him.
Even when they weren’t free to mate, he’d always been there, day in and day out. She was able to look at him, watch his face from afar. Join in his laughter when the clan held a gathering. They’d celebrated holidays together. There’d even been precious moments alone during the workday, where he’d look at her like her face was the moon in a midnight sky. And she’d pretend she wasn’t affected. Pretend his adoration didn’t matter, because back then, it couldn’t.
Now that it could, he was moving on. Searching for greener pastures. Giving up on her.
Just like a human.
She glanced at her friends and amended her thought.
Just like a male. Ryan was just like a cat. So afraid of commitment, they’d rather give up than try. Whatever his reasons were, he was a quitter.
Layna deserved better than a quitter, even if her heart craved him.
She drew in a deep breath, and it fucking hurt so bad she was afraid she’d actually cry.
The knot in her throat was like a fist squeezing her windpipe.
She couldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. Not in front of her girls. They couldn’t know how this was affecting her. No one could.
They were ushered through the glass entry doors and into a mad house of frantic shoppers hoping to put a dent in their Christmas list early. She clamped down a hiss as an eager passerby nudged her forward with her hand in Layna’s back.
She squeezed her eyes closed. She could do this. Shop with her friends and forget about Ryan for a while. She’d cry over him later. Or maybe she wouldn’t even need to. Maybe her cougar could just shrug it off and go about life.
Yeah. Maybe.
Layna took a deep breath, hooking one arm through Bethany’s and the other through Clara’s. What lay before them was a battle. And nothing could take your mind off heartache better than duking it out over some goddamn TVs.
“Alright, girls,” she said, determination making her voice growly. “Let’s own this motherfucker.”
Chapter Two
Ryan Robertson paced the room he’d called home for four years. It looked different without all his stuff lying around. The king sized bed was made, when he’d normally leave the quilt in disarray. The top of the heavy oak dresser was cleared of all but the lamp. He’d packed everything that was truly his in one suitcase, and now he was getting up the nerve to go say bye to everyone.