“Good.”
“Good?”
She gave a nod, hoping he saw it, and fumbled her fingers up his chest. She needed closer. Needed to feel him through the fog. And she needed to tell him things. So many things.
“Ryan,” she breathed, gripping his shirt like she had talons, and clumsily rolling to her side. “My Ryan.”
Layna pressed her face to his hard chest and let tears of relief soak into the fabric. The rapid rise and fall of his chest eased her closer with each breath. Carefully, so carefully, his big hand came up to cradle the back of her head.
“I’m sorry,” she croaked. “I fucked up so bad. I…”
“Shh. Don’t.” His mouth was so close to her ear. The heat of his breath was intoxicating, adding to the woozy feeling.
“I have to. I have to tell you how I feel. How much I’ve wanted you. Want you now. Need you. Fucked up, Ryan. I fucked up.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying right now,” he rasped, his hand continuing to caress her head. “Doc gave you a tranquilizer.”
That explained the fog. The effort it took to open her eyes. The slurred words she couldn’t make clear. But it didn’t change the way she felt right now. Or the fact that she’d felt this way for ages. It only gave her the courage to tell him without reservation.
“You’re mine,” she said, pressing harder against his chest, her fingers digging into his shirt hard enough she might rip it. “Mine. And I should’ve told you, I know. But…” The last part came out on a sob. How could she explain to him that her cougar needed convincing of their match?
“We don’t have to talk about this now. Not while you’re…” His tone was that of a man pulled between hope and desire and disappointment. This wasn’t working. She wasn’t getting her point across.
Be bold.
“I love you, Ryan,” she blurted. “Loved you for so long. My heart breaks again and again when you aren’t around. Even when you’d just leave for a job, even knowing you’d come back in a day’s time. Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to tell you? How many times I wished I was something else just so this could be easier? How much I regret choosing my clan over us? So many damn regrets, I can’t get away from them—”
“Stop.” His arms had tightened around her, his fingers digging into her flesh. His angry voice was tempered, but it still lashed her raw, drawing more tears for her to regret later. “You don’t mean any of that. I know my Layna, and this is not her.”
Her cougar winced inside. Was he giving up again? Not fighting for them when she most needed him to. It sobered her some. Would he leave when she was healed? She was willing to chase him to the ends of the world, but was he really done with her and their clan?
“You don’t know shit. Because I haven’t let you.”
Ryan stiffened. “Is that what you think? That I don’t know the female I’ve watched and wanted for four damn years? Who I worked to be good enough for? Who I gave up in order to make happy?” He let out a sad laugh. “Baby, letting me had nothing to do with it. You might have hidden our mating but you didn’t hide yourself, and if you think I don’t know all about you, you’re dead fucking wrong.”
His bold words were like a shot of ice water to her blurry mind, shocking all her brain cells into function. The tranquilizer was wearing off faster than it had even taken affect, bringing everything into stark clarity.
Ryan was here. He knew her secret. Her tail was fucked up—the way Doc’s face was going to be when Layna got a hold of her for the tranq. Goddamn it.
But more prominent than the anger and frustration she felt, was relief. Sheer relief that he had stayed. And that she’d gotten out the most important words before she was able to censor herself.
She loved him. He didn’t believe it now, but she’d prove it somehow.
Still pressed tight against Ryan’s chest, Layna tried to steady her breathing. Tried to focus on how to get through to him while her cat reveled in the dominance he threw off in that moment. Her animal lapped it up like warm milk on a cold night. Starved for it.
Slowly his hand slid from her head, down her spine, coming to rest on the small dip of her waist just above her ass. He spread his fingers wide, spanning the area as if to touch as much as possible at once. The spot was tender but his touch soothed it.
“Does it hurt?” he husked.
“A little. But it’s better when you touch it.”
There was no open wound since her tail didn’t exist in this form. There was only the internal damage that would be harder to heal because she’d shifted.