“Please,” he rasped, trying his damndest not to throw her out of the way. “Just let me see her.”
Doc seemed to get the urgency, and quickly stepped aside.
The breath in his chest stalled when he spotted the cougar lying limp on his sheets. He couldn’t feel his feet as he made his way forward.
“She’s sedated,” Doc murmured. “It’ll be a few hours before she can wake, and even then, shifting will depend on how much she’s able to heal before then.”
“It’s fine. She’s fine like this.”
Quickly, Ryan kicked off his work boots and shrugged off his hoodie. Careful not to jostle her too much, he knelt on the edge of the mattress and crawled to her body, his open hand leading the way. He touched her face first and it was like a jolt of valium. The clench of his muscles around his bones eased a fraction, and he was able to breathe freer.
Gently, he ran his hands all over her body, happy that she felt warm even if she was still as the dead. The fur on her feet and legs was matted with blood and mud, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to touch her, and hopefully start the healing process.
“We brought her here because Owyn thought it might help if we put her where she could smell your scent.”
Ryan squeezed his eyes closed. Would that help? What if she didn’t want to be here, close to him like this?
He stared at her face, her long cat eyelashes resting against the fur of her cheeks, and a spark of anger lit in his chest.
What she wanted didn’t matter right now. She needed him to heal, and he wasn’t leaving her alone until she was strong enough to push him away again.
Maybe not even then.
“Can I lift her? Is it safe? I’d like to hold her.”
Doc nodded. “I think it would be fine. Her tail is cut in two places, so be mindful of that. I had to stitch both spots. Here and here.” She pointed, but he couldn’t see the wounds through the thick wad of bandages. “She’ll have a bit of permanent damage from this,” she said softly.
Ryan continued to pet his female, stroking from her head between her ears, across her shoulders to the base of her fractured tail.
“How bad?”
“I’m not sure. Could be something as simple as a crooked tail, some chronic lower back pain in her human form.”
“Or?”
“Or she might have to relearn the use of her tail. There’s no way to tell yet.”
Ryan knew how crucial a cat’s tail was. It wasn’t just a fancy appendage to make them look more regal. The tail helped them balance. It helped them keep direction when they ran. They used it when fighting, playing, and as an indication of feeling. In human terms, it would be akin to losing a big toe or a thumb.
“The trap created a U-like injury where it clamped down, the two lines of the U forming two separate wounds on her tail.” Doc used her fingers to explain. “The upper one, luckily, only separated the cartilage. Painful, but easy to sew back together. It should heal okay barring any nerve damage. The lower one however, fractured a vertebrae. There’s nothing to do for that except let it mend and hope for the best.”
Shit.
“But the mating bond. It can fix this right? I can fix this.”
Doc gave him a sad curve of her lips. “I’m a straight-shooter, Ryan. I won’t give you false hope. A lot of time has been lost here. More than twelve hours. And… if what Beth told me is right, you didn’t even know Layna was your mate. That means the bond is weak. A weak bond has less power.”
She was saying it carefully, but he caught her drift. If he’d been here, instead of off in Memphis, the chance of Layna healing would be better.
“This is my fault,” he whispered.
“How can it be? You didn’t know she was yours.”
Ryan shook his head. “I knew she was mine. I didn’t know I was hers.”
Doc frowned. “Isn’t it the same?”
“No. From the moment I first saw Layna, I was drawn to her. She was the flame and I was the moth. But the feelings weren’t mutual. She has nothing for me, and I was the star burning up as I fell through her atmosphere. So I left, hoping we could both be happy that way.” He dragged his fingers through Layna’s fur, avoiding Doc’s gaze. “I should have stayed. I should have been like a cat, and forced my way into her heart. Or at the very least, kept watch over her. Why didn’t I do that?”
“Because you’re human.”
“No need to remind me of my faults.”
Doc shook her head. “It’s not a fault. You’re human. You’re the best part of us. The part that tempers the animal. If it weren’t for our human side, we’d be feral. Humans aren’t lower than shifters. In fact… I’d give anything to not be torn between the animal in me and the person. To be of one kind instead of two…” She stopped, clamping her mouth shut.