Mercy(White Collared Part 1)(33)
In making love with a client tonight, she’d risked her internship. Her career. Nick.
And for what?
Jax didn’t want her. But for a few precious minutes in his arms, she’d forgotten the lesson drilled deep inside her soul at fourteen.
No one wanted her.
After all, she was a mistake.
Chapter Twelve
THE WIND HOWLED and rain pattered on the bedroom window. As a warning that she’d soon lose power, her bedroom lights flickered. Happened all the time in this rickety building.
She usually loved rainy nights.
But not tonight.
Tonight the rain reminded her of all she’d never have. All she’d lost.
Without Jaxon, her apartment seemed darker. Quieter. Colder.
If not for the delicious twinge between her thighs, she could almost convince herself she’d imagined making love with him.
But they had made love. And she wanted to do it again.
And again.
And again.
What was it about the way he’d moved inside her that made sex different with him than with previous lovers? Was that what it was like to make love to a Dominant?
Except the sex had lacked the kink she’d expected. Yes, he’d played her body like he was its master, but he hadn’t demanded her obedience. Hadn’t flogged or bound her.
Not that it wasn’t the greatest sex of her life because it was. Her back ached from his weight on her, her nipples throbbed from his bites, and her thighs were sticky with remnants of their joining. Quite different from the sterile lovemaking she’d experienced with Tom and the drugged-out, hazy sex of her teenage years.
What had caused him to run from her? Guilt? Regret? Or was she a dud in the sack as Hannah had suggested?
Awareness slowly seeped into her consciousness. She looked at herself and realized she was on her knees, naked from the waist down. Needing a candle and lighter, she stood, her legs shaking like a newborn foal’s, and opened her nightstand drawer. As she withdrew the items, her gaze fell on her vibrator, taunting her with the memory of Jaxon licking his lips when she’d told him about it.
Shivering, she ignored the sex toy and instead lit the candle and set it on her dresser.
Lightning flashed followed by an immediate boom of thunder that shook the walls of her room. Darkness flooded her apartment.
Eerie silence made her more aware of her rapid breathing.
Times like these, she wished she had a roommate. Or a really big dog.
At least she’d lit the candle before her power went out.
The first notes from Beethoven’s Fifth cut through the silence and she jumped, knocking her elbow into the dresser.
Her cell phone’s ring for an unknown caller.
She hesitated, her hand clenching into a tight fist against her belly as if trying to hold wild butterflies inside.
Most likely a wrong number. But what if it was Jaxon?
She lifted the candle and ambled to the couch to retrieve her phone from her purse. By the time she dug it out, she’d missed the call. She checked the display, perplexed to see her own number listed as the caller.
Her hands shook, and she dropped her phone on the carpet.
Damn it. This wasn’t the first time she’d sat alone in the dark. All she needed was a panic attack to make her night complete.
She dug in her purse and flicked open her handy Tic Tac dispenser. Definitely a double kind of night. She tossed her antianxiety meds into her mouth and flinched when her phone rang again.
She snatched it from the floor and answered without checking the caller ID. “Hello?”
“Kate?” Hannah sniffed as if she’d been crying.
Anger surged to the surface. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
Another sniff. “Then don’t talk. Just listen. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?”
Kate sighed and massaged her temple. “No.”
“Never?” Hannah’s voice changed from pitiful to incredulous, as if it had never entered her mind that she’d lose their friendship over sleeping with Kate’s boyfriend.
Then again, Kate had perpetuated Hannah’s self-centeredness throughout the years by failing to set limits with her friend, and, like a child, Hannah had continued to test her until she’d finally crossed the line of no return. “Hannah, this isn’t like the time you borrowed my favorite sweater without permission and ruined it, or the time you forgot to pick me up after class and I had to walk home in a blizzard. Those were innocent mistakes. There was nothing innocent about you and Tom.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I love you. You’re the best friend I ever had. If I could explain—”
It was as if for good measure Hannah was squeezing lemon juice on Kate’s wound. “Do me a favor. Save your breath. From now on, you and I are nothing but co-workers. I hope Tom was worth our friendship. Good-bye, Hannah.” She pressed end before her ex-friend could say another word.