Mayhem (Deathstalkers MC #5)(34)

A gentle loving touch.

As much as my mind is at war, he calms me. The constant anxiety is held back before it starts to build, the indecision that usually eats away at me before I can even start my day is somewhat alleviated. Each time I think about making a choice for myself and Dylan's voice sounds in my ear, Cutter is there.

The bed dips and I look over to see Cutter standing at his dresser. His bare back is sculpted with muscle and a large tattoo of the club logo. His muscles contract as he pulls a black T-shirt on over his head and when he turns around he smiles, catching me watching him. My cheeks heat with embarrassment. His chest is decorated with tattoos, and I can't help but notice that he is much more defined than Dylan ever was.

"I have to go head over to the clubhouse for church, but Lucy is gonna come by and hang out for a bit."

"You're going to church?" I look around for a clock. "What time is it?"

He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. "It's almost eleven. We haven't really gotten into all of this, but what do you know about MCs?"

My face must give away my confusion because he sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

"Okay well, you should at least know the basics. MC is short for motorcycle club. Long story short, we are a family. There are different positions in the club. Tracie, from the club, she's the vice president's old lady-that means she's his woman. Lucy is with Whip. He's our sergeant at arms. I'm the treasurer. You haven't met our president or his girl yet. Church is a meeting for us. Only brothers attend. I'd be lying to you if I said that everything we do is legal. If you choose to stay around after we get this mess figured out, you need to know that. I can't talk to you about club stuff, ever."

I nod my head, although, I don't think I've processed even half of what he is telling me.

There's a knock at the door. "I'll grab that. It's probably Lucy. I put all the clothes from yesterday in this dresser last night. Feel free to-" He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "Put on a pair of black pants and T-shirt. You pick the color of the shirt."



       
         
       
        

He walks out of the room before I can respond. In the dresser drawers I find the pants and an array of T-shirts. There must be one in every color. My eyes move from one to the other, again and again.

Whatever you pick it won't be right. You'll never please him just like you couldn't please me.

With great effort I swallow hard, trying to rid myself of the fear coursing through me. Things with Dylan started off like this. I'd wear an outfit that he said looked terrible on me. Every time I made a choice it was wrong, so eventually I'd let him pick something.

I blindly reach for a shirt and end up with a light blue one. I hope this is good. Opening the first drawer I find bras, and I can't help but smile when they are all the same color.

No choice.

I finish getting dressed and try to finger brush my hair the best that I can before turning and looking in the mirror.

Your ass looks huge. Those clothes would look much better minus ten pounds.

"Shut up!" I blurt out.

The bedroom door opens and Cutter sticks his head in. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm coming."

I move to walk past him but he grabs my hand. "You look beautiful, good choice."

The smile on my face is huge. "Thanks."

With just that small gesture, he gives me confidence and pride that I haven't felt for as long as I can remember. When I walk into the living room, Lucy is there. In her tight jeans and a shirt with the same symbol that's on Cutter's jacket, she's stunning. She's wearing makeup that makes all of her features stand out, and her light brown hair is streaked with a bright red.

"Hey, girl." She smiles at me and I return the sentiment.

"All right, I gotta get out of here. Luce, you need anything, text one of the prospects."

"I know the drill." She winks at him.

I turn to him and an awkwardness sets in. "Good-bye."

His hand rests on my hip as his head dips low next to my ear. "Just breathe. I didn't tell them all the whole story. Have fun."

My heart beats faster with him being this close and I'm not sure which of my many emotions is causing it. Cutter makes me nervous, curious, anxious and excited all at once.

"Oh, and if I'm not back by lunch Lucy is going to order takeout for you guys."

He places a kiss behind my ear and I freeze.

I didn't expect the contact and I'm still not too sure how to deal with it. When you're so used to harsh and rough, something gentle feels foreign and scary.

"See you ladies in a little bit." He grabs his keys off a hook by the door and then he's gone.