Maybe This Time(7)

Her adoration to scorn.

My mother loved me, but she also loved to remind me daily what a piece of shit my father was for what he did to her, and what a menace Xander was. I don’t know where my mother got her information from, but she always had news for me about my brother and all the trouble he was getting into. It used to hurt, a lot. I don’t think my mother knew how it affected me, because she was consumed by her hate. But it hurt me every day to have her say cruel things about my own flesh and blood, about the brother I hadn’t even met but already loved. She let her bitterness take over and control her, and then she passed away without loving another man.

Jack Kane was it for her.

Apparently he was it for a lot of other women, too. I sigh heavily and lie down on my bed on my stomach. I need to find a job, and stat. I have a bit of money saved away, plus what's left of my mother’s insurance money, but I can’t rely on that for long. I was saving it for a rainy day. My father had also opened a bank account for me, with all the child support he paid over the years, but I hadn’t touched that. Not one cent.

To be honest I don’t really know how to feel about it. My mother came from a wealthy family and money was never an issue growing up. She used to tell me that the best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother, and he didn’t do that for me. He didn’t love her, at least not enough, and I paid the price.

I turn on my e-reader and continue to read about my book boyfriend of the week, Jake Andrews. If only there were men like Jake Andrews in real life. A knock on the door pulls me from my book. I puff out a breath before calling out, “Yeah?”

The door opens, and in walks the man of the hour. Jack Kane, my father. I sit up on the bed, surprised.

“Hey, Summer,” he says softly, his eyes bright.

“Hey, dad.” I stand up and walk over to give him an extremely awkward one armed hug.

“You are so beautiful, baby girl,” he says, shaking his head in awe.

“Thanks,” I answer shyly. He looks the same. Tall, standing at about 6’1, with light brown hair and dark eyes, my father is one of those men who will always be handsome. He must be about forty five now, but apart from a few laugh lines, he looks younger than his age. He's wearing jeans, and a leather jacket over a black T-shirt. He probably rode his motorcycle here.

“You didn’t wanna see me?” he asks, looking worried.

“Just wanted to settle in,” I say, blushing. Trust my dad to get straight to the point.

“I didn’t even see you last year for your birthday, Summer, it’s been two years since I’ve seen my own daughter,” he says, brows furrowing.

I shrug, because I have no idea what he expects me to say to that.

“How’s Xander treating you?” he asks, thankfully changing the subject.

“He’s wonderful,” I say, a smile forming on my lips. My brother makes me feel welcome here, and I feel like I’ve known him my whole life.

“He loves you.” I nod, giving him a forced smile. He tells me Xander loves me, but not him. Again, I have no idea what to say. He exhales, a look of regret and sadness flashing in his eyes.

“If you ever need anything, you come to me, okay?” he says, his dark brown eyes staring into mine.

I nod and force a smile. He scowls, and stares at me like he wants to say something else, but doesn’t. He gives me a pained smile, and then leaves.

As soon as the door closes, I sag onto the bed, relieved. I didn’t have a father my whole life, and I don’t intend on having one now. Not that I don’t love him, because I do. But it hurts, even after all these years.

Truth be told, I’m scared to let him in. He wasn’t there for me, no matter how much I wished for it. I didn’t want any money or gifts from him, I just wanted him. I wanted him to be there for my graduation, for my sports carnivals and dance recitals. I used to imagine him being there in the audience one day, watching me, but it never happened. He let me down each time, because he never came. That was the hardest, starting to believe what my mother told me, that it was true - maybe he didn’t want me.

After everything, it’s just a little unnerving being in his presence. I still feel like that little girl who wants his attention. If Xander wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have come at all.

I wouldn’t have felt that I was welcome.





Chapter Three


The next day, I open the door, surprised to see Reid standing there. And that he actually knocked for once.

“You knocked,” I say, stepping aside for him to enter.

“Yeah, well, it was locked for once.” He grins at me. Oh, right.

I walk in front of him to the kitchen. “Xander’s not here.”