Matched For Love(45)

After he had ended the kiss, he whispered, “Joe didn’t appreciate what he had. You make me want to spend every waking moment with you. You’re incredibly beautiful, sexy, sweet, funny, and the kindest woman I’ve ever met. Not to mention you’re the loudest woman I’ve ever known in bed.”

Her heart hurt with all her pent-up feelings for him. But she’d sworn she wouldn’t tell him how she really felt about him. He had a deep moral need to get Annie back for Asher that she’d never want him to betray in himself. And she couldn’t be the one standing in Asher’s way of having that. “I think you’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. It’s just a bonus you’re so damn good in bed. How long before Annie returns and I get the boot?”

She would not cry. No matter what he said, she’d plaster on a smile.

“The boot? That sounds so…cold.” Deek rolled onto his back and threw his arm over his face. “You make it ten times harder for me to do the right thing for Asher.”

That was exactly what she didn’t want. He needed to be sure what and who he wanted to choose. He might blame her later for not staying true to his gut. “You probably don’t want me, Deek. I mean in bed, sure, we get along fantastic there, but I’m a person who has a very hard time trusting.”

“Yet all I can think about is how much I do want you. And I think you want me too. I can’t figure out why you won’t tell me how you feel about me and put me out of my misery.”

Dammit. Should she tell him how she felt? He was already doubting without her help. “Of course, if you were free, I’d want to be with you, Deek. But you’re not. You love Annie.”

“I didn’t think I was free a couple of weeks ago. But now?” He groaned. “Make my decision easier. Tell me why you have trust issues and how much I don’t want to be with you.”

She drew a deep breath. She hated the painful memories that talking about it brought. “My father cheated on my mom, and while they’re back together now, that’s only happened recently. I have deep scars from watching my mom deal with that. They were apart for over twenty years, and he wasn’t a hands-on father. My mom raised us. When Joe cheated on me, I think it did some damage I’m not sure I can ever repair. It was like my father leaving us all over again, but worse.” All that was true, but she’d make an exception and take a chance with Deek in a heartbeat. But only if he figured out on his own that he wanted her and Emily more than Annie—and could live with that choice.

She didn’t want him to make an impulsive decision and always wonder if he still loved Annie. Sharing her man with another woman would never happen again if she could help it.

Deek rolled over and faced her. “I have to do anything I can to make Asher’s home complete, right? And that means living with both of his parents. It’s the right thing to do. Isn’t it?”

She got out of bed and started searching for her clothes. They needed to pick up the kids soon. “You have to do what your heart thinks is right, Deek. Not out of obligation, but for love. If you’re happy, then Asher will be happy, no matter what you choose to do. Because you love him and that’s all he really needs. To be loved by someone.”

Deek propped his head up on his hand. “Do you believe that? Just because you love Emily, she’ll be fine?”

“I have to.” She pulled her sweater over her head, then tugged up her jeans. “Joe’s never coming back.”

“Would you have taken him back if he hadn’t died?”

“I’ve asked myself that question a hundred times.” She sat on the edge of the bed and tied her shoes. When she was done, she turned to Deek. “And every time, the answer is no. Even though I loved him with all my heart, I wouldn’t have taken him back. I need a man who respects me enough to be faithful to me. Not only physically,” she leaned over and patted his heart, “but here too. All this real estate has to belong to only me. Listen to your heart, Deek.”

There. She’d said as much as she was going to say. He’d had such a crappy childhood with a parent who’d ignored him so Deek might pick Annie out of sheer obligation. Or maybe he’d catch a clue and realize that together, she and Deek could give Emily and Asher a great family.

She got up to head for the bathroom, but Deek caught her hand to stop her. “I never answered your question. We only have a week before Asher’s birthday. So I’d understand if you’d rather not sleep together anymore. We could go back to just being friends. I plan to marry Annie as soon as she says yes, and I don’t want to hurt you, Lori.”