"Argh," Jasper knocked his phone to the floor with a swipe of his hand. He was better than this. He didn't want Kait. He'd been the one to push her aside. His career, it was always about his career. Ever since he'd turned sixteen, he'd lived with a single minded purpose: to fight as much as he could and to always win. Each time he won in the ring, he inched further away from the troubled boy he had once been. It was an ongoing journey, one which he couldn't prematurely stop because he'd met someone.
Flashes of burn fired up his leg bringing tears to his eyes. Jasper reached forward and massaged the area around his knee, but it didn't help. He'd need to see a physical therapist before he could even think about starting up training again. His last fight had been much more brutal than he'd anticipated. His opponent was rested and hungry for victory. Jasper on the other hand was strung out and just trying to remain standing. But somehow he'd managed to dig deep and eventually flaw his opponent. The crowd had gone wild, clamouring to their feet cheering and chanting his name. Usually Jasper could lose himself in the sound of his own triumph, but this time the applause sounded hollow as it echoed in his ears.
Kait was right. He was pushing himself too hard. Was he so terrified that if he removed his foot off the gas that he'd just slip back in to his old ways? Hadn't he already moved on from all of that? He didn't need fighting to remain stable, did he? Had his passion somehow become a crutch he was terrified to cast aside?
Panting, Jasper pushed himself off the sofa and hopped over to retrieve his phone. Sweat glistened on his temple as he hastily grabbed it and began calling his agent, Carl.
After three rings, Carl picked up.
"Hey man," Jasper was breathing heavily. "Can you send that physical therapist we use over to my place?"
"Is everything alright?" There was tension in Carl's voice which suggested he was displeased.
"Yeah, yeah," Jasper insisted, doing his best to breathe more slowly as he lowered himself back on to his dark leather sofa.
"I'm just mad sore after that fight the other night."
"You've had ample time to recover. I heard you weren't in the gym today."
Jasper squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head against his heaving chest.
"Yeah, Carl, I'm sorry about that. I just needed a few days to recuperate."
"Well, while you're holed up in your apartment watching back to back episodes ofBreaking Bad, your future opponents are in the gym, lifting weights, and doing reps. Getting strong. Do you want to be beaten, Jasper? Is that why you took a day off?"
Jasper was already shaking his head, his gaze lifting sadly to the television screen where his favourite show was currently paused.
"I'm the champion, Carl, you know that. Champions don't get beaten."
"Then you need to get yourself down the gym and push through whatever pain you're in. No pain no gain, remember?"
Jasper stood up, and his knee immediately burned in protest, struggling to support his weight.
"Shit," Jasper gasped. "I'm not sure I can make it today, Carl. My knee is really busted up from where that guy clocked me with his kick."
"You've got to push through it." Carl's voice was stern.
Jasper sunk to the sofa in defeat.
"Okay, okay. But can you at least give me a lift there? I don't think I'll be able to drive or jog in."
"Sure," Carl's tone was brightening now. "I'll be there in twenty minutes, champ. I'll even spot you for a while if you like?"
"Yeah," Jasper ran a hand over his head which was slick with sweat. "Yeah, that'd be great, thanks Carl."
He ended the call and stared bleakly around his apartment. He'd called for help, and instead all he'd got was an order to work harder, to push himself further. But what if he had nothing left to give? His bones throbbed uneasily, desperate for more time to rest. Jasper knew that Kait would disapprove of him going to the gym in this state. She'd tell him he was being ridiculous and demand he stay in his apartment and rest. Jasper reckoned she was tenacious enough to even stand up to Carl. She'd been so willing to fight Jasper's corner. But now she was gone, pushed aside. Who would fight for him now?
Chapter 31
Kait was carrying a fresh mug of coffee over to the sofa when her phone chirped to alert her to an incoming message. With a roll of her eyes, she picked up the device, anticipating she'd find another gushing message from Anna all about how she was so in love with Robert. Instead, Kait almost dropped the green mug she was clutching when she saw that the message was from Jasper.
Her hands started shaking so madly that she had to lower the mug before she could read the message. Kait could hear the sound of her heart beating in her ears as she opened the message and held her breath.
I just had a brutal day at the gym. Can we talk? Xx
Kait starred at the message for several minutes, trying to decipher what Jasper meant. There was nothing to talk about, was there? And what did he mean by brutal day? It didn't surprise her if he was struggling at the gym given the state he'd been in when she last saw him at the park.
Ten minutes passed, and Kait was still holding her phone, looking at the message Jasper had sent her. She knew what would happen if they met up. She'd take one look at him and forget about all her anger and indignation. She'd fall in to bed with him and wake up the next day to find him gone, and the same painful cycle would just repeat itself until she had the power to walk away. Kait was too tired to enter in to such a charade. Jasper didn't truly want her, he had told her as much. He was only reaching out now because she'd wounded his pride. Perhaps he just wanted to be the one to tell her it was over.
Biting her lip, Kait promptly deleted the message and then picked up her mug of coffee and resumed watching a film.
Chapter 32
Picking himself up out of the ice bath, Jasper shook. The intense cold had numbed some of the pain within his muscles but not all of it. He could feel the bruises which would soon bloom covering most of his body.
With a gasp he was out of the bath and pulling on his favourite sweat pants and hooded jumper. They offered little comfort to his now frozen skin. He'd spent all day at the gym at Carl's behest. He'd worked so hard he feared he might tear some of his muscles. But miraculously, he had remained in one piece. Now he was back at his apartment, alone and soon to be asleep. The prospect of resting was a delicious one to contemplate. Jasper barely had the energy to drag himself over to his bedroom and his king sized bed adorned with sumptuous sheets and pillows. Laying down, it felt as soft and wondrous as floating on a cloud. Jasper could already feel his eyes drooping, but something prohibited him from dropping over the edge in to sleep.
He reached for his phone which was just beside the bed. He had numerous Twitter updates and a message from Carl, but that was it. She hadn't replied to him. Kait had ignored his message. His heart tightened in his chest, and Jasper winced at this latest pain. Why hadn't she gotten back to him? He'd basically apologized for what had happened. And he'd asked to talk; it wasn't like he'd insisted they get together and partake in more bedroom antics. Her silence told him everything. She had meant it when she had said goodbye. He'd managed to push her far enough that she wasn't willing to come back.
Clutching his phone, Jasper contemplated sending another message. Should he just say he was sorry? He wanted her there with him. Not because he was horny, but simply because he wanted to hold her. She'd looked upon his scars with such tenderness. She didn't view him as a monster, at least she hadn't then. She saw beyond the muscles and the championship titles through to his true strength at his core. She understood what he'd overcome and admired him for that. He liked the way he looked in her eyes. But his insistent drive had killed that. Now she couldn't even reply to a message from him.
Despite his tired limbs Jasper was unable to sleep. He lay amongst his pillows with his eyes wide. He had not anticipated that he would care this much about Kait. He thought that it would be straight forward, that he'd let her go as he had so many girls before her. But now the thought of not seeing her anger, of not holding her terrified him. It terrified him more than the thought of never getting back in the ring, of never hearing the roar of a euphoric crowd again. Somehow Kait had managed to sneak in to a place Jasper kept fiercely guarded: his heart. And as that realization sunk in, he feared that he'd already burned the bridges between them, that it was too late to make amends.
But as his eyes finally closed, Jasper clung to the hope that all was not lost, that in Kait's eyes, he wasn't yet past redemption.