Martinez’s Pregnant Wife(28)

He stood just an arm’s length away but it might as well have been across the other side of the room. He was still closed off, still behind that barrier of steel. Those words he’d just said, the words she’d so longed to hear didn’t have a ring of truth in them.

‘Just as you didn’t trust me enough to truly let me in,’ she continued. Now that the floodgates of all her pain were open she couldn’t stop. ‘Even when I’d shared all the darkness from my past. When I’d told you everything that had made me so certain that I didn’t want you in our child’s life unless you could be there all the time, every step of the way. Even then, Max, you didn’t open up to me. You couldn’t tell me about your mother even though I was pregnant with your child, forcing you to face all that childhood pain and anguish again.’

He stood rigid, tall and proud, seeming to deflect all the emotion pouring from her. She wanted to pummel his chest with her clenched hands, anything to show him her frustration. But she couldn’t, not when all around them the party seemed to have stopped, all attention turned on them.

‘It was too painful, too raw to share. I guess I’ve never come to terms with losing my mother so young.’ He frowned at her. ‘How do you know?’

‘Angelina told me.’ She lowered her voice, gentled her tone as a wave of sympathy rushed forward like an incoming tide. ‘She told me all about your mother, the tough decision she’d had to make.’

‘Angelina?’ He frowned at her.

‘She’s hurting too, Max. You’re shutting her out. Denying her your love.’ Lisa let the truth flow from her. If nothing else came of this conversation maybe she could make things better between him and his sister, who deep inside was still the little girl who’d grown up with barely a memory of her mother and a cold, distant brother she believed hated her.

‘Ten minutes to midnight.’

The excited remark of another party-goer further away roused some of their spectators, eager to get the champagne needed to toast in a new year, but Lisa held Max’s gaze, implored him with her eyes to understand her, to forgive her for saying all this here.

‘We should talk about this somewhere else. I didn’t intend such a public goodbye.’ She began to move, to walk away, hoping he would follow her. Instead he grabbed her wrist.

‘Lisa, I couldn’t tell you. If I did it would have meant opening my heart, letting love in and love has only ever caused me pain—and loss.’

She shook her head slowly. ‘It doesn’t have to be like that, Max. It can be good, so very good.’

Movement in those around her caught her attention and in the ever-growing crowd she saw Lydia, hands clasped in front of her and pressed firmly against her chest, and the look in the other woman’s eyes left her in no doubt that she was doing the right thing, that, no matter who witnessed it, she had to make him see he was worthy of love. Even if it wasn’t hers.

‘But it can’t mend the past.’

‘It can ease the pain, but you have to let it into your life. It can’t penetrate toughened barriers of steel. It can’t reach dark and cold places—unless you want it to.’

‘I know that now. When I thought you weren’t coming tonight, that you never wanted to see me again, the pain of that was too much—because I love you.’ Max gently pulled her closer and she moved unresistingly to him.

‘You hurt me so much, Max, when you told me the marriage was over, that you couldn’t give me what I wanted, yet I still loved you. That’s why that night a few months ago happened. I couldn’t stop loving you.’

‘But you don’t now?’

* * *

Max inhaled deeply as Lisa looked up at him, her eyes searching his, her perfume pulling at his senses, flashing all they’d shared together in front of his mind like that of a dying man. Maybe he was. If he didn’t have Lisa, didn’t have her love, then life would mean nothing.

‘Say something, Lisa.’ He couldn’t do this, couldn’t bear to hear her say she didn’t love him any more. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve been a fool.’

‘It’s not your fault. All that happened, all that made you scared of showing your emotions, that’s all to blame. But I want more than you can give me, Max—for me and our baby. I want unconditional and honest love.’

Now she’d touched that raw nerve he’d always kept guarded. That he wasn’t fit to be a father; that, just like his own, he wouldn’t be capable of love. Raul moved into his line of vision and for a moment his gaze met that of his brother. It empowered him. Raul had let go of the past and he was going to damn well do the same. His present and his future were with Lisa.

He opened the hand that had been holding the earrings and offered them to her. ‘These are yours. They were a token of the depth of my feelings for you, as was the Christmas cottage. I was just such a damn fool I didn’t recognise it as love.’

Lisa looked down at the earrings, then up at him. Did the tears glistening in her eyes mean there was hope? That it wasn’t too late? If she took them she would be taking his love and he’d never let her go again.

She shook her head and stepped back as much as she could while he still held her wrist. She didn’t want them. Didn’t want his love. Pain seared through him as if he’d been physically branded. Branded by her love. Her rejection.

‘Oh, no!’ someone exclaimed in the crowd around them and a whisper of panic rushed around them, around him, pushing the tension in the air ever higher.

‘Please, Lisa.’ He tried one last time. If she refused once more, he’d turn and walk away. Accept defeat. Accept he’d messed it all up, thrown away the one good thing in his life.

* * *

Lisa looked down again at the diamond earrings that had unwittingly come to represent so much. The tension around her, buzzing in the crowd still gathered, made her head thump and her heart beat so hard. But it was what he’d just said that sent a fierce surge of hope through her.

He’d said he loved her. He’d said the words she’d always wanted to hear and in front of everyone.

So why wasn’t that enough?

Because he’s hurt you too much. Because he doesn’t trust you.

She lifted her hand to his, then stopped. She raised her gaze to his, meeting the darkness that was full of despair. He meant every word of what he’d said. He’d finally opened his heart to her, but if she took them she could be exposing herself to more pain.

‘Ten!’ someone shouted as, beyond the circle gathered around them, the countdown to a new year had begun amidst raucous delight.

‘I can’t,’ she whispered as her eyes searched his face, his eyes. ‘You don’t trust me. You couldn’t open up to me even after I’d told you my darkest secrets and it knocked me so far down I don’t know if I can come back from that.’

‘Nine!’

Max let her wrist go and raised his hand to brush the backs of his fingers over her cheeks. ‘That was my insecurity, Lisa, and for that I’m sorry.’

Her eyelashes fluttered closed as he moved his hand, his fingers, trailing down her neck and then to the back of her head. When she opened them he was so close to her she could kiss him if she moved forward just a fraction.

‘Eight!’

‘It’s never been about that.’ Her whisper was soft, her breathing fast and deep. She couldn’t hold out against this for long. Not when she loved him so much.

‘Seven!’

‘I was a damn fool, Lisa. You’ve loved me all along and I abused that love in the worst way possible, but I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you—loving you.’

‘Six!’

‘And the baby?’ She drew in a ragged breath as he lowered his gaze. ‘Max?’

‘Five!’

‘Our baby will have all the love it can ever want from its father because I’m not my father. I’m not the cold, hard, mercenary man he was, not when I love my wife with all my heart.’

‘Four!’

It was just seconds until the new year, until a fresh start, and Lisa knew she couldn’t ignore that omen, couldn’t turn Max away when her heart ached so badly for him and he’d finally destroyed the barrier of steel he’d spent so long behind.

‘Oh, Max,’ she whispered as she moved closer, her lips almost touching his. Almost.

The look on his face, the purity of the love she could see in his eyes made any further words so hard, but she managed what needed to be said. What he needed to hear.

‘I love you, Max. So much.’

‘Three!’

His lips claimed hers in a hard kiss as the hand at the nape of her neck pulled her toward him. Her arms wound around his neck and she kissed him as if her life depended on it.

‘Two!’

He pulled back from her, still so close. ‘It’s time for a fresh start. You and I and our baby.’

‘One!’

‘The perfect time,’ she said softly as the old year slipped away, taking with it all the pain and heartache.

‘Happy New Year!’

A riotous cheer went up from those around them and she looked at him, smiling. ‘Happy New Year, Max.’

He brushed his lips over hers. ‘Happy New Year, and I’m going to tell you I love you every day from now on.’