Marriage of Inconvenience(Knitting in the City Book #7)(105)

“Days?”

“When I work on this issue with my patients, I tell them they’re not allowed to orgasm. I tell them that they can kiss, make out, approach—but do not cross—third base. What you both must prioritize is enjoying the process. Role-play, for example, can be a great way to step outside of anxieties.”

Role-play?

Fuck a duck, my mind exploded with the possibilities.

Please say naked sexy massages. Please say hot tub sex. Please say sexy spanking on the discipline couch. Please say boss/secretary inappropriate performance review time. Please, please, please tell me you want to dress up like a librarian and—

I was going to hell. That was definitely going to happen.

“Dan, listen. I don’t think I’m breaking the BFF code when I tell you that Kat thinks you’re gorgeous. And sexy. And an all-around wonderful person.”

I smirked, and was about to say something self-deprecating, but then Sandra added, “She cares about you. Deeply.”

More than anything suggested or stated so far, this statement got me hot. It made my heart take off like a rocket. Spanking, massages, hot tub sex, and orgasms were great, don’t get me wrong.

But, fuck.

I just wanted to hold Kat.

I didn’t want her to curl into a ball at night.

I wanted her arms around me.

Naked hugging, that’s what I wanted.

I wanted to touch her.

That’s it. That’s all.

Suddenly, Sandra’s voice turned fierce, “And you better feel the same way about her or I will castrate you, Texas style.”

“I do,” I confirmed softly, my heart in my fucking throat.

“Good.” Sandra sounded appeased. “But she needs to know that her self-worth and sexuality isn’t based on your desire for her. She is a strong, capable, intelligent, talented, beautiful woman. She needs to learn how to bring that confidence in herself to the table—and to the bed—and demand enjoyment from herself and her partner, whoever that may be.”

“Whoever that may be?” I growled, not liking the sound of that.

Let me clarify, I didn’t have a problem with the first part of what she’d said—I agreed wholeheartedly with all of that—but the second part, the “whoever that may be” part, that was bullshit.

Sandra laughed again. “Don’t worry, Dan the Security Man. I would never suggest or encourage Kat to look elsewhere for satisfaction. I’m just pointing out that her satisfaction and enjoyment must be something she prioritizes, and it must be something her partner prioritizes.”

“Yeah, okay. I get you.”

Still, though. I didn’t like the thought of Kat looking elsewhere.

Well, dipshit, if you don’t want her seeking satisfaction elsewhere, then you better deliver.

At that thought, I nodded and shrugged. Once again, I didn’t see a problem.

“Dan, you know I love you both. I hope I’ve helped.”

“You have helped. Thanks for . . .” I looked at the clock. We’d been talking for longer than ten minutes. “Thanks for explaining things. It makes more sense now. I wish I’d been on the call with her therapist when they talked about this.”

Sandra made a soft sound, like she felt a little sad. “Oh Dan, trust will come in time.”

I blinked at that.

And then I flinched.

And I didn’t know what to say because for the first time it hit me. I finally understood.

Kat was hiding.

She was willing to let me help as long as she didn’t have to be too exposed, too vulnerable.

She didn’t trust me.

That was a problem.





Chapter Nineteen





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—Wex Legal Dictionary





**Kat**





Marital relations were prohibited during shiva. Even I, who’d lapsed almost entirely in the practice of my faith for more than ten years, knew that.

As I sat at the kitchen table Tuesday night after Skyping with my knitting group, presently waiting for Eleanor to come home, I decided that Dan must also have known. I assumed the mourning period was why he’d been coming to bed after he thought I’d fallen asleep, and left in the morning before he thought I was awake.

He’d been trying to give me space. To mourn. To respect traditions I didn’t really know how to navigate. Certain I was making all kinds of mistakes, I did my best to follow the rules faithfully. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to feel the level of distraught I should have.

During shiva, the mourner must refrain from doing those things which have even the possibility of evoking joy, such as unnecessarily playing with children, or even engaging in heated discussions with visitors.