Marriage Without Love & More Than a Convenient Marriage(18)

‘I’m what you made me!’ Briony hurled at him through numb lips. ‘What did you expect? That I would fall into your arms with cries of rapture? Let me out of here!’ Her voice shook and a dreadful inertia seemed to spread through her. They had been outside the house for less than fifteen minutes, but it seemed like a lifetime. This time when she reached for the handle, the door swung open instantly, and then she was out on the pavement, breathing in the cool, clear air, her legs feeling as though they were stuffed with cotton wool.

She couldn’t face Gina and Paolo. Unlocking the door to her own flat, she went into her bedroom, staring blindly at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was ruffled, her mouth swollen and bruised. There were the beginnings of faint marks against the flesh of her breast, and shuddering with disgust she ripped off her blouse and bra, rolling them up into a ball and throwing them into the wastepaper bin. Never mind the fact that both were comparatively new, she could not bear to have either of them close to her skin again.

She showered in icy water, the blood beating up painfully under her skin. She felt sick and dizzy and wanted to lie down, but to do so would mean giving in to the fear Kieron had ignited, so she forced herself to dress again, brushing her hair and securing it with an elastic band, before going upstairs to collect Nicky.

Gina glanced at her rather speculatively when she opened the door, and Briony knew that despite her attempts to disguise it, the other girl had noticed her bruised mouth, although she was too tactful to comment.

‘I’m sorry I’m a bit late,’ she apologised. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Fine. Are you all right?’ Gina asked bluntly. ‘You don’t look well.’

‘I’ve got a headache.’ It was true. Her head was pounding and she was shivering even though it wasn’t really cold.

Paolo insisted on carrying Nicky downstairs for her, and he barely stirred. Lucky Nicky, Briony thought enviously. If only her life was as simple and uncomplicated as his!

* * *

Nicky was crying, the thin sound punctured her nightmare. She wanted to go to him, but she couldn’t move. Something was holding her back, preventing her from reaching her son. She clawed desperately to be free, calling to Nicky to wait for her, but then he turned round and his face was Kieron’s, cold and hatefully mocking.

‘No…!’ The sound was torn from her throat, and she opened her eyes groggily, the bedroom spun round, and waves of nausea rushed over her as she tried to lift her head from the pillow.

Migraine! She slumped back, trying to force her mind to concentrate on where she had put her pills. It was ages since she had last had an attack, and she had no need to ask what had caused this one.

Nicky had recently been promoted from his cot to his own small bed, and she could hear him padding about in his own room. She glanced at the alarm clock, knowing that it would be impossible for her to go to work. Her attacks, although rare, were unbelievably violent. Sickness and temporary paralysis were merely two of the symptoms she had suffered in the past, and she reached for the phone intending to call the paper. As she did so, she heard Gina’s key turn in her front door, and the Italian girl hurried into the bedroom, her expression concerned.

‘So you are ill—I thought you must be. What is it?’

‘Migraine,’ Briony croaked. ‘I was just trying to ring the office.’

‘Leave all that to me,’ Gina said firmly. ‘Now where are your pills? Would you like a drink?’

Before she went she insisted on straightening Briony’s bed and bringing her a mug of tea. Nicky toddled in to look at her with huge, grave eyes, his voice sympathetic as he murmured, ‘Mummy got bad headache?’

It was bliss to feel sleep steal over her as the pills began to take effect. As Briony knew from past experience, the only cure for such an attack was sleep. By tomorrow she could well be fully recovered, although a little weak, and her last conscious thought was that now Kieron would have an opportunity to try out her substitute.

It was evening before she woke up, and she knew the moment she opened her eyes that the pain had gone. As always after such an attack her body felt terribly weak, and it seemed to take twice as long as usual to go through the motions of washing and dressing.

When she knocked on Gina’s door, Nicky greeted her joyfully, his ‘Mummy better?’ making her flesh melt with love.

Gina insisted on her eating with them, announcing that Briony was far from well enough to prepare a meal.

‘You do too much,’ she scolded. ‘And this weather we’ve been having doesn’t help.’

It had been unusually warm, but Briony knew that the close atmosphere was not really responsible for her illness. Gina’s little girl was just starting to talk, with Nicky acting importantly as interpreter. She was a lovely child, with huge pansy brown eyes and thick lustrous curls, and watching her and Nicky together, Briony felt another pang of guilt that Nicky was an only child. He was already so protective and sweet with Caterina, and she, knowing female that she was, played up to him with coy smiles and flashing dimples.