Marriage Made on Paper(37)

She pulled away from him, scrubbed her arm across her cheeks, leaving her face red and puffy. It was rare to see Lily look anything less than perfect, and even rarer to see her when she wasn’t composed. Those moments when she’d come apart in his arms, she hadn’t been composed or businesslike. And now, with her nose cherry-colored from crying and her brown hair tangled from their recent lovemaking, she was still beautiful to him. Possibly more beautiful than she’d ever been.

“I’m sorry,” she said stiffly.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? Didn’t you think I might want to know?” he said, the clawing feeling in his stomach making his voice harsher than he’d intended.

“No, Gage, I didn’t. My experience, or lack of it, is none of your business.”

“I told you, this is temporary.”

She turned her head sharply, dark eyes glittering. “And I told you that we’re finished when we leave Thailand. Nothing has changed. I didn’t tell you that I was a virgin, which is what I assume your issue is, because it was a nonissue to me. Therefore, I wouldn’t think it would matter to you.” She blew out a breath. “I should go to my own room. This was a mistake.”

She moved to leave and he took her arm. “No. Lily, you’re not leaving. You’re staying with me, in my bed.” And why that should matter to him, he didn’t know. He wasn’t the kind of guy who cuddled afterward. In fact, he usually left the hotel sometime after his lover had fallen asleep. If they didn’t leave first.

But it didn’t seem right to take Lily’s virginity and have her sleep alone. A litany of curse words scrolled through his mind. He didn’t want it to matter that he was the first man she’d been with. He didn’t want her to be different in any way. She was right, it was her choice. She was a twenty-seven-year-old woman, not a young girl that he’d seduced.

“I would feel more comfortable in my own room.”

“Too bad. Clause five of our fling contract says we share a bed when we make love.”

“I don’t remember approving that.”

“And I don’t remember seeing anything about you being a virgin.”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter.”

He blew out an exasperated breath. “It does, Lily, whether you think so or not, it does. You didn’t know you would cry. You didn’t know how it would make you feel.”

She shrugged. “It was a release. It just happened to release tears, too. I’m not going to lie, it was a fantastic orgasm.” He noticed that she angled her face away when she said it. Her voice was casual, but it was obvious that she didn’t feel casual.

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I can’t give more than I’ve offered.”

“Honestly, Gage, I don’t want more than you’ve offered. Why do you think I was a virgin? It wasn’t because I was saving myself. It’s because I didn’t want the hassle.”

She gathered the sheets up and moved to climb out of bed.

“Lily, stay with me. I’m not going to turn this into something that seems sordid and dirty by having you go and sleep in your own room.”

She stayed still for a moment, her expression cool, her dark eyes focused on a point other than his face. But after a moment she settled back into bed, pulling the sheets up as high under her arms as she could.

He leaned in and kissed her bare shoulder before rolling out of bed and walking into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. His heart was still pounding from the force of his release. He walked back into the bedroom and climbed back into the bed. After a moment’s hesitation he pulled her into his arms.

She deserved that much. It didn’t mean anything, it couldn’t. But it had been her first time, and she deserved to have nothing but good memories from it. She deserved more than he’d given her. More than he could ever give her.

He’d been counting on a second time, after he’d gotten the hot and fast out of the way. But he didn’t want to cause her any pain.

In every possible way, he wanted to spare her pain. And he was worried that it was too late for that.





It was still dark when Lily opened her eyes. Gage’s arm was snaked around her waist, holding her to him, her backside pressed against his hard erection.

She looked at the clock. Nearly five.

Panic fluttered in her stomach. She didn’t want him to wake up and see her like she was. She needed her armor, something to help her be cool and calm when she had to face the man in whose arms she’d come apart. The man who knew she had been a twenty-seven-year-old virgin. The man who had held her while she’d cried in the aftermath of her release.