Marriage Made on Paper(32)

But the fear wasn’t gone. Being with him was complicated, and not just because he was her boss. Sleeping with him would mean no barriers. There would be no way for her to stay in control the whole time. She knew that just from one kiss. Ironic since she’d always thought that when she did choose to have sex with a man her problem would be forcing herself to give up her control.

She’d imagined she would find it impossible to reach orgasm because she would be too concerned about being vulnerable, out of control. She hadn’t anticipated the man being able to rob her of it as neatly and quickly as Gage was able to.

When he was touching her, she wanted to surrender, wanted to simply allow him to sweep her off her feet and take her on the journey her body was begging to go on. And that was frightening.

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “Give me until after the dinner tonight,” she said. “I’ll decide by then.”

Gage’s expression didn’t change, his firm jaw set, his eyes unreadable. “Decide?”

“Whether or not I’m ready for a fling,” she said then added, “a fling with you.”

“I didn’t imagine you meant with one of our distinguished members of the board,” he said, his voice husky.

She laughed shakily. “I wanted to make sure. I know how people can spin things. I work with the media, remember?”

He leaned in, so close she could feel his breath fanning over her cheek. She closed her eyes as a shiver slithered through her body, starting in her shoulders and spreading everywhere, leaving her nipples tight and aching, her body wet with wanting him.

“This isn’t really your thing, is it? You’re not a fling kind of girl.”

Her eyes fluttered open, reality crowding all the lovely arousal that had been making her feel warm and languid and brave. “You don’t think so?”

Of course she wasn’t. She was a twenty-seven-year-old virgin, but that admission wasn’t about to escape her lips. She didn’t want him thinking he was special, or that there was something wrong with her, or that she was suddenly going to start salivating whenever she saw a diamond ring. This wasn’t emotional for her, not really, this was about physical need.

She trusted Gage, in a certain respect, but that was the only emotion involved. Still she’d had the opportunity to observe how Gage was in relationships. He wasn’t controlling, or manipulative. He was honest about what he wanted and both parties in the relationship ended up satisfied in more ways than one. That was what she wanted, all she wanted.

And she had to do this. She had to take control of her life, her body, her sexuality. Now that she realized how much of her life had been controlled by her mother’s actions, now that she saw just how much power she gave to the many men that had paraded through her mother’s life, to the drama and the fights and the tears, she knew she had to move beyond it. This was her chance. If she was brave enough to take it.

“I haven’t had time to have one since coming to work for you.” The honest truth, even if it was misleading.

“Just don’t forget that it’s only a fling. Women can be emotional about sex and if it’s been a while for you …”

She met his gaze, her heart pounding hard. “Gage, have I ever seemed like the kind of person who doesn’t know her own mind? Let me worry about it. I promise you, I don’t have one single repressed fantasy about love and happily ever after anywhere inside of me. I’m far too practical.” She stood from the couch, trying to keep her expression cool, trying to ignore her rapidly beating pulse. “And anyway, it’s only a fling. I’ll probably forget about it in a few years’ time.”

Gage crossed the room, his expression intense. He bent down and hooked his arm around her waist, bringing her into a standing position, hauling her up against him. “You won’t forget me, Lily,” he said, his voice rough.

He leaned down, his mouth urgent on hers. There was nothing slow about this kiss, nothing like the kiss they’d shared on the beach. This was fire and urgency. This wasn’t a slow tasting, this was a feast. She parted her lips for him, meeting his tongue thrust for thrust, lacing her fingers through his short dark hair, pulling him even harder against her.

His big hand cupped her bottom, bringing her tightly against his body, letting her feel the hard ridge of his erection pressing against her stomach.

He pulled away from her suddenly, his breathing harsh, his chest rising and falling. When he withdrew completely and stepped away from her she was afraid she might melt to the floor without his arms to support her.

She put a hand on her lips, feeling how hot and swollen they were.