Usually, when she was being kissed, she was wondering if the guy was going to ask to come in for a cup of “coffee,” and how she was going to turn him down. But she had a feeling Gage could have stripped off her insubstantial swimsuit and she never would have noticed, or been upset about it. In fact, she had a feeling she simply would have embraced it, the mind-numbing pleasure of his touch, and gone after something they would likely both regret later.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “We’ve already been over the fact that neither of us does the serious thing,” she said slowly. “Which means … which means if we were to have sex it would be a fling. An affair.”
He stood up, too, his arousal still blatantly pressing against the front of his shorts. She tried, valiantly, not to look, but failed. She’d never seen such an aggressively male sight in her life. And he was tempting her all over again.
She didn’t need tempting. She needed a moment of sanity.
Gage nodded. “That’s how I conduct my relationships, Lily.”
She looked at the water, at the waves lapping against the shore. “What about my job?”
“Your job isn’t in jeopardy either way.”
“Then I guess the only question is whether or not I can do a fling.”
“You think you might want more?” he asked.
“No. I don’t want more, I know that. I like my life as it is. But then …” She’d seen her mother on the brink of insanity over men, crying when they didn’t call, crying when they did. Throwing things when they cheated, screaming when they broke up with her.
Lily had worked so hard to never be that person. She’d avoided relationships, avoided any kind of deep, emotional involvement. Part of her was afraid that, while she knew she didn’t want to enter into relationship hell, she would forget that as soon as she crossed that line with a man.
Sex seemed to have some sort of strange power over women, a power than went beyond the simple pleasure it provided. She didn’t want to be subject to that.
“You’re concerned it would be awkward working together?”
“Yes.” Among other things. “And my job is very important to me. I don’t think it’s worth compromising that for a fling.”
He moved to her, cupping her cheek, stroking her skin with his thumb. “It would be a very good fling.”
She closed her eyes, fighting the rising tide of heat and trying to lay claim on her own body again. “I’m sure of that.”
Fear warred with common sense and desire. She wanted him, but she was afraid. Afraid of who this desire might make her become. Afraid of losing control. Of giving any of her hard-won control to him, both in the bedroom and in her life in general.
She hadn’t been worried about that when he’d been kissing her though. She hadn’t been able to worry about anything.
She felt like she was standing on the edge of one of the rocky cliffs that surrounded the island, poised to jump into the water, unsure of how deep it would be. She could turn and walk away, and never know, but everything would be back to normal, back to her life as she knew it, as she had made it to be. Or she could jump, not knowing what would happen, not knowing if she would survive.
“I … I can’t.” It was too much. He made her feel too much.
She saw a flash of frustration in his blue eyes, but it didn’t linger. He cupped her face with both hands now, his touch tender. “If you change your mind, you can always come to me,” he said, his voice strained. “But you will have to come to me. I don’t force my attentions on women who don’t want them. I have no need to.”
He turned from her and waded back into the water, swimming back to the yacht.
A feeling of sadness washed over her. She almost wished he would have promised to seduce her. Now that it was up to her she knew she would never find the courage. And she hated that. Hated that she still lived with so much weakness. Weakness she’d been able to ignore, been able to deny, until she’d met Gage. Weakness she was still too afraid to try and overcome.
CHAPTER SEVEN
LILY disappeared into her room when they arrived back at the vacation home and reappeared a few hours later, her armor back in place. Her hair was pinned perfectly into place again, her makeup covering her freckles.
“Any plans for tonight?” she asked, her high heels clicking on the wooden floor as she moved across the room, keeping her distance from him as she settled onto the low couch.
“We’re treating the board to a traditional dinner on the beach. Complete with traditional dancing.”
“I love that idea. Will you be doing it for regular guests, too?”