"Sir, please just relax," the paramedic orders me. My body is heavy and it's difficult to move so I take her advice. We get to the hospital and they whirl me through the E.R. and a doctor is at my side immediately. James is nowhere to be found. They run all kinds of tests, checking for internal bleeding and broken bones and anything else that might be wrong with me. They find that the big toe on my right foot is broken, but nothing else. When the fog clears and I'm able to talk to the doctor, he determines that I have a mild concussion and the one broken toe; otherwise I'm fine.
It feels like hours later when I'm finally settled in a hospital room. They plan to discharge me in a few hours as long as I don't show signs of any complications. Not a minute after they get me propped up in bed does Colleen come bursting through the door. Her face is bright red and she's covered in snot and tears. My heart falls, realizing how worried she must have been about me.
I open my arms wide and she runs into them, sobbing all along the way. My body is sore and a little uncomfortable with the strength she's using in clinging to me, but I can't bear to let her loosen her grip. Colleen crawls up in the bed with me and curls into my side.
"Shh," I try to calm her, "It's okay pretty girl. I'm okay," I whisper and kiss her on her head. She sobs even harder and hugs me tighter, if that's even possible. A few minutes pass and she calms herself.
"I thought—," she begins, unable to finish her thought.
"I know," I whisper, rubbing her back. "I'm sorry I scared you." She nods and looks up at me. She's a mess.
"I thought you were really hurt and I didn't know what I would do without you," she babbles. Colleen always babbles when she's scared. Her voice gets high-pitched and she talks at hyper-speed. "I love you so much. You can't ever do that to me again." I smile at her words. Hearing her say she loves me after thirty-five years of guessing, wondering, worrying, and she's finally said it to me.
"What was that pretty girl?" I ask, a devious smile on my face.
"I said 'you can't do that to me again' you jackass. I thought you were dying and it was just your dumb toe!" She scowls at me and sniffles. I chuckle.
"No, I don't think that's what you said. Tell me, pretty girl, what did you say?" I say gently, hoping to coax it out of her.
"I said 'you can't do that to me again'. I love you too much!" And the moment she says it, she stops in her tracks; frozen in fear once again. I tilt her chin up and direct her face towards mine, gathering the courage to say to her what I've waited a lifetime to say.
"I love you, pretty girl. I love you when you're bossy. I love you when you're obnoxious. I love you when you're mean. I love you when you're kind. I love you even when I can't stand you." She smiles bright, tears forming in her eyes. She mouths the words 'I love you' back at me and wiggles up to kiss me. The kiss is quiet and gentle.
"I want you to marry me," I say. It takes her a moment to understand what I mean. I want her to marry me the right way. A warmth spreads through me that I can't describe.
"At St. Brigid's," she nods and we both grin. St. Brigid's Catholic Church is where our parents used to drag us every Sunday and for important holidays. St. Brigid's is where we took our communion and where we were baptized. It's more than just a church for us, it's a testament to how we've always been intertwined. Even when we were apart, living our own lives, we've always been connected.
In the middle of our conversation there's a light knock at the door and a nurse walks in. Colleen chooses to ignore her as she checks out my vitals. The brief pull from our fantasy world makes me realize that what I thought was the warmth of Colleen's love spreading through me is actually a hot liquid seeping into the bedding. I look down and realize that Colleen is immobile and her eyes are looking everywhere but at me. Finally she turns towards me, pleading with me not to say anything. About what? The nurse maneuvers around the bed and catches sight of the soaked bed sheets.
"Mr. Patrick," the nurse asks, "Did you have an accident?" My eyes grow wide and I realize what's happened. I may have been hit by a car but I think I'd know if I peed myself. Colleen nods furiously.
"Oh, Bradley," Colleen says all too innocently, "you poor thing!" I look down, trying to inspect.
"That's not my pee," I say, nervously. The nervousness is not helping matters one bit. It's making me look guilty, when really, I'm afraid to find out that it is what I think it is. Because I think Colleen peed on me and that's equal parts disgusting and disturbing.
The nurse walks closer and asks Colleen to stand up. She refuses. Colleen's eyes once again shoot around the room. And that's all the confirmation I need that my pretty girl just peed on me. She peed on me.