Marital Bitch(16)

“It means we have to get a divorce,” I seethe.

“We’re Catholic—we don’t get divorced. But anyway, we can worry about that after lunch. I’m fucking starved,” he says and rubs his apparently empty belly.





CHAPTER SIX

(Colleen)





If we’re gonna be married, you got to start putting out, pretty girl.





A LOUD BURP rings in my ears and I look to my… Brad? Husband? Nah. I shake my head. Ball and chain. Yeah, that sounds good. He has a smug look on his face and he’s patting his belly. Thank God this restaurant we’re in is nearly empty or I’d be mortified. As it is, I’m turning a little pink.

“So,” Brad begins, “when’re ya moving in, wife?” I groan, rolling my eyes, and turn to him. He has his iPhone out and he’s playing with it. Looking around the table I see that everyone has their phones out and they’re playing with them. Something is afoot and I don’t like it—not one bit.

“Quit callin’ me that,” I protest. The longer I’m around him, the more we talk, and especially the more we argue, the stronger my accent gets—another unfortunate side effect of this sham of a marriage. The gang all laughs. They, collectively, seem to be finding great humor in our situation. Not even Adam is taking this seriously. He won’t quit calling me The Mrs. when he talks to Brad.

My phone dings and before I can pick it up, it dings several more times. I catch sly grins and snickers in my direction from my “friends” and I just know that this cannot be good. I check my phone to find that there’s several updates on Facebook. Oh no.

[Bradley Patrick is married to Colleen Frasier Patrick]

[Bradley Patrick likes Colleen Frasier Patrick’s status]

My eyes grow wide and I see that all of my “friends” like my status. But I haven’t been on Facebook since we left Boston. What the fuck? And why has my name changed!

[Colleen Frasier Patrick is having lunch with “the hubs” Bradley Patrick]

“Who hacked my Facebook account?” I glare around at each of them. I can’t tell who did it. They all look guilty. I try to log into my account, but the password has been changed. “Who changed my password?” I know I’m screaming but I can’t stop myself. They all burst out laughing. I continue to scroll through my hijacked Facebook page. Last night Darla posted pictures from our wedding. Crap. She even posted a link where the whole thing could be watched on the internet. And then I see it. I see where my mom commented.

[Louise Carter Frasier commented on Colleen Frasier Patrick’s relationship status > Colleen (Frasier) Patrick! OMG! How can you do this without us? Emily is distraught!]

And then Brad’s mom.

[Emily Shaw Patrick commented on Colleen Frasier Patrick’s relationship status > Yay! Finally! I knew you two were going to be married one day! Louise, can you believe it? Next up, grandbabies! :D]

And then Brad’s older sister, Charlotte, pipes up.

[Charlotte Patrick Leone commented on Colleen Frasier Patrick’s relationship status > She probably already is knocked up, mom. That’d explain the quickie wedding… ;)]

[Bradley Patrick commented on Colleen Frasier Patrick’s relationship status > Well if she ain’t knocked up yet, I’m not doing something right.]

Oh my God. He has to stop. Thanks, Charlotte. You’re off my Christmas card list now, bitch. I pry my eyes from my phone. I want to cry. I can’t believe this has gone to Facebook. They’re all still laughing and not a single person understands the severity of the situation. Not a damn one.

I have a job-- not just a job, but a career. I have a reputation to uphold, not just out in the world but if nowhere else-- at the firm. I quickly total up how much debt I have in student loans left to pay and the fact that I’ve only been practicing for eight years now… I’m still working my way up. I can’t get fired. And honestly, I’ve spent a good half of what I could have saved at Bloomingdale’s over the years. If I lose my position because of this nonsense, I’ll have to move back in with my mother. No, I won’t. No, it’ll be worse. I’ll have to move in with my husband. Tears stream down my face.

“You don’t get it,” I whine-cry as I look around the table. “I have a job, and my boss has certain expectations of me. I could get passed up for promotions if someone at the firm sees this!” Everyone scoffs at me, Brad pats my knee, and Darla tells me that I shouldn’t have gotten married if I didn’t want everyone to know.

I stand up, toss down a twenty dollar bill and stomp out of the restaurant. Brad chases after, catching me as I reach the street. He wraps his strong arms around me and I sink into him, crying. He whispers his apology and promises me that he wasn’t the one who hacked my Facebook account. I believe him.