Brynn picked out a cute, pink pair my mother bought and got them on Sophia just as she let out a big yawn. Washing her up at night worked like a charm every time. The next step was for Brynn to nurse her and I'd been giving her privacy for that.
I made it as far as dimming the light using the switch beside the door when my name was called.
"Marco?"
I stopped where I was in the threshold between the guest room and the hallway to answer. "Yeah?"
The second I turned, I saw a softness in her eyes that had disappeared for weeks; however, it returned that night in the delivery room and hadn't left again.
She cleared her throat and adjusted Sophia in her arms before asking a question, one that instantly had me curious: "Can you stay?"
A nod let her know I wasn't leaving and I went back to my spot on the edge of the bed. Her smooth, brown legs were stretched out beside me, uncloaked until around halfway up her thigh where a pair of black, spandex shorts peaked just beneath the long, plaid shirt she wore. Slowly, without giving my presence in the room a second thought, she undid the buttons one-by-one as her fingers passed over them. At the first sliver of dark skin that came into view beneath the lapel of her shirt, my mind wandered someplace it probably shouldn't have. I knew this wasn't the right time and I knew this wasn't why she asked me to stay, but I couldn't help myself-this woman just turned me on so easily. It never took much.
Without the confinement of a bra, Brynn's breast came into full-view next. Her cleavage had deepened with the sudden fullness she experienced since becoming a new mom and I had to remind myself that those weren't for me right now. They were for the baby. After gently nudging Sophia awake after she'd dozed off, Brynn positioned her to latch on and she did so with ease. My baby girl's tiny hand went flat on Brynn's chest and what little fussing she'd done after being awakened was now nonexistent as she ate.
My eyes lifted from Sophia to Brynn when she breathed deep. There was clearly something on her mind; otherwise, I wouldn't be sitting here.
"I've been wanting to talk to you," she began, and my heart leapt with those words.
That was funny. There was something I wanted to talk to her about, too. Maybe we would finally have that conversation after she got her thoughts out.
"Whassup?" I asked.
She obviously heard me, but didn't answer right away. Instead, she sat there thinking, maybe weighing her words before releasing them into the atmosphere.
"Have you … " she started, pausing to take another breath. "Have you ever made a mistake where you said or did something you wish you could take back?" With the question fully out, she finally gazed up at me.
I didn't even have to think about that. Sometimes, with the way things worked out in my life, I was actually convinced I did more wrong than I did right. For that reason, I didn't hesitate to respond the way I did:
"All the time."
Brynn was silent after that, thinking hard from the looks of it. "Well … I did that, when I told you I didn't think I could do this; didn't think I could do us," she clarified. "I convinced myself that I didn't want to be with you unless-"
"Unless I stopped dancing?" I asked, cutting her off with what I suspected would've been the rest of her statement.
Her lips parted like she'd say something after that, but then they closed and her gaze lowered.
"I never … I didn't mean to make it seem like an ultimatum," she explained softly and I honestly didn't feel like that's what she'd given me. In fact, she was pretty adamant about making me understand that quitting wasn't what she wanted me to do-something about resentment.
"I was just trying to tell you how I honestly felt at the time," she went on.
At the time. I hadn't missed the way she worded that.
A sharp breath pierced the air when Brynn released it. She continued, but made sure to keep her voice low while she nursed. "I've had a lot of time to myself lately to think and I keep asking myself if I made a mistake. Maybe I interpreted what I was feeling wrong because I was looking at the whole thing from an emotional standpoint," she explained, adding, "When I should've been more logical."
I had no clue what that meant.
"It was never you I didn't trust. It was the job," she surmised.
Watching, I tilted my head to the side, studying the range of expressions that passed over her face. At the risk of sounding like I was challenging her, I shot back a question of my own. "Is there really any separating the two? Wasn't that the whole problem? You were having a hard time separating me from what I do?" The question came out inquisitive like I hoped it would.
She sat quietly, thinking. "Yeah, I … I guess I did say that."
I nodded, remembering that being the case. My point wasn't to upset her. In fact, I was hoping she'd get that I actually understood where she was coming from that night we separated. It probably could've gone down differently, but I never faulted her for how my job affected her. So now, as I heard her trying to convince us both that her emotional response had been wrong, I wanted her to know I felt it was valid.
"Which is why I said I think I made a mistake that night," she added "I shouldn't have come down on you the way I did. All you've ever done is try to take care of your family. Devotion like that should have only earned you my respect," she concluded.
I heard her loud and clear, listened to her reason with herself, listened to her attempting to talk herself out of the same doubts I felt were present weeks ago. But she was trying to let it all go … for me.
I placed my hand on her leg and that brought her eyes to mine. With her attention fully focused on me, I saw sadness there, confirming for me that her feelings hadn't changed. However, she was now willing to set her concerns aside if it meant we could be together. While I was flattered she thought enough of me that she was willing to make such a sacrifice, that didn't sit well with me. Someone as bright, as caring, as loving as her, should never have to settle.
For anything.
For anyone.
"Brynn … I can't let you do this," I breathed, noticing the slight widening of her eyes when I said it. "I can't let you pretend to be okay with this, knowing full-well you're not."
My statement left her flustered and Sophia must've felt how troubled she was, too, because she began to wriggle just a bit.
"Marco, I … " Brynn paused when the words got stuck and I imagined she didn't expect me to respond that way. Here she was, pouring her heart out to me, trying to mend the division between us, only to have me shut her down. At least, I'm sure that's the way it seemed.
"I don't know what else I can say," she finally forced out. "I'm trying to tell you I don't care what you do or where you work. I'm trying to tell you that I'm willing to do my best to just live with it and-"
"And I'm putting my foot down," I cut in, making those eyes of hers widen even more, most likely confusing her with my calm tone. "You shouldn't have to do that," I added. "You shouldn't have to settle, Brynn." I lifted her eyes to mine when I placed a finger beneath her chin before telling her the rest. "Which is why I quit."
Shock spread across her face like wildfire. It looked like she didn't know whether to believe me or not. It felt pretty surreal to me, too, at first, but not in a bad way. Actually, I was relieved not having to spread myself so thin. The guys were a little resistant to me leaving, but they understood my reasons. Plus, they'd still see me almost daily at the gym. We were brothers; we'd always find an excuse to hang out.
"You … you quit?" she asked, trying to contain the excitement. I could see that now.
I nodded.
"W-when?" she stammered.
"The night Sophia was born," I answered. "After you gave her to me so you could rest, I just … I had this moment of clarity where everything just fell in line. My priorities shifted that night and I knew … " I paused. "I knew what I had to do. So, I pulled out my phone and texted Ivy, letting her know I was done."
The decision had truly been that simple. After being there with Brynn through all the pain and fear during the delivery, I realized then that nothing, absolutely nothing, was worth losing her over. I'd have to have faith that my sisters and parents would be able to maintain on their own because it was time I lived my life for me. And nothing made me happier than the two before me right now.
"But I really didn't want you to do that because of me," she added, pulling me from the thought. For a moment, that sadness flickered in her eyes again as I recalled her fearing I'd later resent her if it ever came to this. However, it was gone the very next instant.