… but then I told her I love her.
Kind of.
By the time I finished work for the day, it was almost seven o'clock. The guys were expecting me to meet up with them in a couple hours, which meant I needed to head home to shower first. When I was finally done straightening my station and locking up, it was a little after eight.
I rushed home and got myself ready and was back on the road headed for The Alibi, me and the guys' go-to place to chill in peace. And on a Wednesday night, there shouldn't be too many people around to hinder that.
Pulling into the lot, I noticed they'd all beaten me there. If I knew them as well as I thought I did, they'd already taken the initiative to order a platter of wings and secured a pool table for us. I parked and walked in to find they'd done just that, not deviating from our usual routine at all.
We did this at least once a month just to clear our heads. That had been the plan the night I met Brynn, but apparently I needed a little more head clearing than I realized at the time, which resulted in me overdoing the drinks, and I suppose the rest is history.
Carlos greeted me with a nod, Justin with a half-handshake/half-embrace, and Logan with a mumbled, "Sup."
I shoved my keys in the pocket of my jeans and took a sip of the beer they ordered for me before going to pick out a pool stick.
"I'll rack ‘em," Justin offered, standing from his stool to gather the balls from the table pockets. Apparently, he and Logan had already gotten in a game before I arrived, and judging by the look on Logan's face, he hadn't won.
"Me and Marco against y'all," Justin said, pointing at Carlos and Logan as partners.
I stood beside the table, chalking the tip of my stick, still wondering if Brynn picked up on what I said earlier.
"You planning to burn a hole through that thing?" Carlos asked, pointing to the cube in my hand. I set it down on the edge after he called my attention to it and tried to come out of my thoughts before someone asked what was up with me, but leave it to Justin …
"What the hell did you do now?" he asked. Right on time.
I let out a breath and stepped up to take the first shot when the rack was removed. Leaning forward, I aligned the tip of my stick with the cue ball and let the polished wood slide between my fingers. The sharp crack of the balls at the other end of the table followed and I watched several of them disappear inside the pockets.
"Well, damn! That's the end of the game right there," Carlos complained. I barely heard him, though.
"Are you gonna answer or just stand there looking pitiful?" Justin pressed.
I shook my head and backed away while Carlos aligned his first shot.
"I think I messed up," I said on the end of a sigh. "Today, after Brynn's appointment … I think I told her I love her."
All three sets of eyes came my way and all three were confused.
"You think?" Carlos asked.
I nodded, staring aimlessly at the green felt of the pool table. "She was crying and I was trying to make her feel better and … yeah … it just kind of slipped out."
"I'm still trying to understand why you're not sure if that's what you said," Justin chimed in as he watched the balls scatter across the table when Carlos took his turn.
I sipped from the brown-tinted bottle beside me before explaining. "I said she was strong and that's what I love about her. Those were my exact words. So, yeah … I think I told her I love her, but I'm not sure."
"Hmm … " was all Logan had to add as he sat there, thinking.
"I see your dilemma."
I nodded at Justin's response. "Exactly."
"Yeah, that could go either way, man," Carlos added.
I shook my head. "That's what I'm saying."
There was silence for a moment and then, of all people, Logan spoke up. "Question is: did you mean it?"
We all stared at him. Long and hard. He didn't say much, but when he did it always caught us off guard. A pretty severe stutter kept him quiet most of the time, so we never messed with him about it, but still … I just didn't expect him to be the one to ask the million dollar question.
"I uh … yeah," I confessed, propping my hands on the end of my stick. "I do."
"Damn. That's heavy," Carlos said.
I thought about that and had to agree. This was definitely heavy.
"So, I'm guessing you and Elena never recovered from the thing at the club," came Carlos's next question. I filled them all in on how she went off on me after I took Brynn up on stage instead of her, but her name hadn't come up since.
"We never recovered from it because I didn't try to," I shrugged. "The idea of her was nice in the beginning, but that was mostly because I used to sweat her so hard when we were kids. I thought that was what I wanted when I ran back into her, but … " I paused and shook my head. "Being honest with myself, that wasn't ever going anywhere. I just didn't realize it right away."
Justin nodded, understanding where I was coming from. Our game was beginning to lag as the conversation picked up. "So what'd she say back?" he asked next. "Brynn, I mean."
I recalled her wide-eyed expression and shook my head. "Nothing."
"Damn," Carlos said for the third or fourth time, apparently thinking that was helpful in some way.
"Well … have you called her? Tried to talk about it?" Justin's brow lifted with curiosity, but I shook my head again.
"Nah, not yet. Probably too soon."
My answer made him laugh. "Too soon? Or you're too scared?" he shot back.
"Real talk? Both. And I'm not ashamed to admit it."
They all laughed.
Relationships, real ones, weren't my thing. Yeah, I toyed around with the idea of settling down one day, but that was a long ways off. At least that's what I used to think. Now … I wasn't so sure.
Carlos let out a breath and I glanced up at him. "Let me make this easy for you," he started. "Man up, call your girl, and say this." I was already laughing before he continued on. He squinted his eyes and licked his lips when his head tilted. "Just say: ‘Listen, girl, let's cut out all the bull … I love you. You love me. So what's good?'"
Silence.
"And that … right there … is why you fall asleep hugging pillows at night instead of real women," Justin concluded. "The hell is wrong with you, man?"
I laughed and Logan shook his head.
"Yeah, that's probably not the approach I'll take, but thanks for the advice anyway." It was my turn to play again, so I stepped to the edge of the table.
"Whatever. I'm trying to help you out. Plus, I'm trying to cut this conversation short ‘cause all this talk about love and feelings is making my dick invert. So, on that note, I'm gonna head on over to the bar and talk to the young lady who's been eyeing me."
I followed his gaze in that direction and shook my head as he made his way over.
"Just don't use that line on her," Justin called out, earning himself two middle fingers when Carlos raised them into the air without looking back.
I angled my cue, lined it up for the shot, but then someone caught my eye from across the bar. Someone I didn't know well, but definitely knew of.
Naseem.
He sat there, nursing a beer and, from the looks of it, he'd had several already.
When I stood upright again instead of taking my shot, Justin asked what was up. I let out a breath and recalled our one and only run in, which had been at the hospital when Brynn had the scare.
"I know that guy. He's one of Brynn's friends," I answered.
As I stood there watching him, Naseem noticed me, too, and a look of disgust filled his expression. Apparently, being under the same roof as me wasn't going to work for him, because the next thing I know, he stood and felt his pocket for his wallet. Tossing down a few bills, he tucked it away again, and then took out his keys next.
His keys? Was he really about to try and drive like this?
One of the bartenders noticed his state when I did and rushed over to him, trying to stop him from leaving. There were words exchanged that I couldn't hear and, from what I could tell, Naseem was putting up a fight-albeit a clumsy one as he stumbled to even stay on his feet.
I took another deep breath, knowing I couldn't just stand by and watch them struggle. Nor would I be able to live with myself if I let this guy drive himself home in that condition.
He'd either kill himself or someone else.
Taking a deep breath, I went to place my pool stick back on the rack. Realizing my night was about to be cut short.
"Well … looks like I'm gonna have to call it a night," were my parting words for the guys as I crossed the room, still observing Naseem's rant.
The bartender glanced over at me when I approached. "You know this guy?" he asked.